{"title":"RUDE GIFTS THAT GET YOU DISOWNED","description":"\u003cp\u003eFor the legends of last night and the consequences of this morning. These are for people who laugh first, text later, and occasionally wake up wondering how they got home and why they bought that mug\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"butt-plug-coaster","title":"Butt Plug Coaster","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003eA Message from the Chairman: On the Subject of Plugging Gaps\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eSir Cucumber Dog has observed, with considerable dismay, that your coffee table is suffering. Not from a lack of character — clearly it has that in abundance — but from the relentless assault of hot mugs, sweating glasses, and the general chaos of your beverage habits.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis coaster exists to plug that gap. Quite literally.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFeaturing a design so audaciously named that it will cause your mother-in-law to choke on her Earl Grey, the \u003cb\u003eButt Plug Coaster\u003c\/b\u003e is the rude novelty gift that keeps on giving — mostly giving people something to stare at in horrified silence.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy You Absolutely Require This\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eConversation Starter (or Ender):\u003c\/b\u003e Place it on the coffee table before guests arrive. Watch the room divide between those who laugh and those who leave. Either outcome is acceptable.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eFunctional Filth:\u003c\/b\u003e It's not just rude — it's \u003cem\u003euseful\u003c\/em\u003e. Heat-resistant, water-repellent, and non-slip, because even the most offensive coaster should do its job properly.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Gift That Requires No Explanation:\u003c\/b\u003e Except it absolutely does, and that's the point. Perfect for Secret Santa, birthdays, or anyone who needs reminding that life shouldn't be taken so seriously.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003e🔩 Technical Specifications for the Meticulous\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e Hardboard MDF 3mm with cork backing 1mm\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eFinish:\u003c\/b\u003e High-gloss coating — wipeable, vibrant, and unapologetically shiny\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eDimensions:\u003c\/b\u003e 95 × 95 × 4mm (3.74″ × 3.74″ × 0.16″) with rounded corners\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePerformance:\u003c\/b\u003e Water-repellent, heat-resistant, and non-slip\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaintenance:\u003c\/b\u003e Wipe clean. Do not submerge. Do not explain to your nan.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSold as:\u003c\/b\u003e Single coaster\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003eWho Is This For? (The Victims)\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Chronically Unbothered:\u003c\/b\u003e For the person who genuinely doesn't care what anyone thinks and has the home decor to prove it.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Gifter of Chaos:\u003c\/b\u003e If your go-to gift strategy is \"something that will cause a scene,\" congratulations — you've found it.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Office Disruptor:\u003c\/b\u003e For the colleague who has already pushed HR to their absolute limit and sees no reason to stop now.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eFans of Rude Novelty Gifts:\u003c\/b\u003e For anyone who believes a funny coaster is a perfectly legitimate form of self-expression.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"CUCUMBER DOG","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51532798361942,"sku":"5762862_15662","price":10.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/cork-back-coaster-front-68e8ee93dedd5.jpg?v=1777475339"},{"product_id":"knob-coaster","title":"Knob Coaster","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003eA Message from the Chairman: In Defence of the Knob\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eSir Cucumber Dog wishes it to be known that he is a sophisticated pug of considerable refinement. He does not, as a rule, endorse vulgarity for its own sake.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHowever. The \u003cb\u003eKnob Coaster\u003c\/b\u003e is different.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt is a masterpiece of understated rudeness — the kind of thing that sits on your coffee table looking perfectly innocent until someone leans in for a closer look and immediately regrets it. It is, in Sir Cucumber Dog's considered opinion, \u003cem\u003eexactly\u003c\/em\u003e the right amount of wrong.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy You Absolutely Require This\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePlausible Deniability:\u003c\/b\u003e From a distance, it's just a coaster. Up close, it's a social hand grenade. The choice of when to detonate it is entirely yours.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eA Gift of Rare Precision:\u003c\/b\u003e Finding a present that is simultaneously useful, funny, and mildly offensive is an art form. You have just mastered it.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eDurability Befitting the Name:\u003c\/b\u003e Built to last, heat-resistant, and non-slip. Because a good knob should be reliable.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003e🔩 Technical Specifications for the Meticulous\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e Hardboard MDF 3mm with cork backing 1mm\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eFinish:\u003c\/b\u003e High-gloss coating — wipeable and gloriously vivid\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eDimensions:\u003c\/b\u003e 95 × 95 × 4mm (3.74″ × 3.74″ × 0.16″) with rounded corners\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePerformance:\u003c\/b\u003e Water-repellent, heat-resistant, and non-slip\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaintenance:\u003c\/b\u003e Wipe clean. Simple. Dignified. Unlike the design.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSold as:\u003c\/b\u003e Single coaster\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003eWho Is This For? (The Victims)\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Quietly Deviant:\u003c\/b\u003e For the person who appears perfectly respectable but has a home full of evidence to the contrary.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Impossible-to-Buy-For Bloke:\u003c\/b\u003e Solves the eternal problem of what to get the man who has everything but needs something funnier.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Hen Do Hostess:\u003c\/b\u003e An essential addition to any pre-wedding celebration that aims to be memorable for all the wrong reasons.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eLovers of Rude Novelty Gifts:\u003c\/b\u003e For anyone who thinks a funny coaster is a perfectly reasonable thing to own.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"CUCUMBER DOG","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51532818481494,"sku":"8549550_15662","price":12.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/cork-back-coaster-front-68e8ef1d45300.jpg?v=1777475341"},{"product_id":"bending-me-over-coaster","title":"Bending Me Over Coaster","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003eA Message from the Chairman: On the Economics of Modern Living\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eSir Cucumber Dog has reviewed the current cost of living with the same expression he reserves for unsolicited belly rubs: one of profound, aristocratic displeasure.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eEverything, it seems, is bending us over. The energy bills. The mortgage. The price of a decent bottle of wine. The audacity of the supermarket charging that much for cheese.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis coaster acknowledges the situation with the dignity it deserves — which is to say, absolutely none whatsoever.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy You Absolutely Require This\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eCathartic Home Decor:\u003c\/b\u003e Sometimes you need your furniture to validate your feelings. This coaster does that, loudly and without apology.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Gift for the Financially Aggrieved:\u003c\/b\u003e Perfect for anyone who has recently opened a utility bill, renewed their car insurance, or simply checked their bank balance on a Monday morning.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eFunctional Fury:\u003c\/b\u003e Heat-resistant, non-slip, and water-repellent — because even in the face of economic catastrophe, your coffee table deserves protection.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003e🔩 Technical Specifications for the Meticulous\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e Hardboard MDF 3mm with cork backing 1mm\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eFinish:\u003c\/b\u003e High-gloss coating — wipeable and defiantly cheerful despite everything\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eDimensions:\u003c\/b\u003e 95 × 95 × 4mm (3.74″ × 3.74″ × 0.16″) with rounded corners\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePerformance:\u003c\/b\u003e Water-repellent, heat-resistant, and non-slip\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaintenance:\u003c\/b\u003e Wipe clean. Unlike the financial situation, this is easily sorted.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSold as:\u003c\/b\u003e Single coaster\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003eWho Is This For? (The Victims)\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Financially Battered:\u003c\/b\u003e For anyone who has recently discovered what their energy provider considers a \"fair\" rate.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Relatable Gift Recipient:\u003c\/b\u003e The person in your life who will see this, laugh bitterly, and immediately put it on their coffee table.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Rude Gift Enthusiast:\u003c\/b\u003e For those who believe home accessories should reflect the full emotional spectrum, including righteous indignation.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Chronically Sarcastic:\u003c\/b\u003e For anyone whose primary coping mechanism is dark humour and a strong cup of tea.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"CUCUMBER DOG","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51532837159254,"sku":"8968187_15662","price":12.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/cork-back-coaster-front-68e8efabcca74.jpg?v=1777475348"},{"product_id":"stirred-with-my-balls-white-mug","title":"\"Stirred By My Balls\" Funny Explorer Mug | Rude Novelty Gift","description":"\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"3\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eA Message from the Chairman: Adventure and Poor Hygiene\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eIt has come to my attention that some of you fancy yourselves as \"outdoorsy\" types. While Sir Cucumber Dog prefers his adventures to involve nothing more strenuous than choosing between a velvet or silk cushion, he recognises that the common human enjoys pretending to be a rugged explorer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eThis premium ceramic mug features a detailed, comic-style illustration of a man who looks like he has spent far too long in the jungle and far too little time near a bathroom. With a striking yellow speech bubble and authentic halftone dot patterns, it delivers a punchline that is as uncouth as it is effective: \"THIS DRINK WAS STIRRED BY MY... BALLS. ENJOY!\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003eIt is a blatant violation of health and safety standards, a social catastrophe in the making, and exactly the kind of distasteful humour that keeps life interesting.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"7\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWhy You Absolutely Require This (The Rationale)\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"8,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Ultimate Office Deterrent:\u003c\/b\u003e If you are tired of colleagues asking to \"borrow\" your tea or \"have a sip\" of your coffee, this vessel provides the perfect solution. One look at the adventurer’s weary eyes and the horrifying confession in the speech bubble will ensure your drink remains strictly your own.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"8,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eHigh-End Visual Chaos:\u003c\/b\u003e The contrast between the sophisticated, grayscale sketch and the vibrant pop of yellow creates a visual \"scroll-stopping\" effect. It is a piece of art that just happens to be incredibly offensive.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"8,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eA Masterclass in the \"Long Pause\":\u003c\/b\u003e The use of the ellipsis in the text creates a moment of suspense before delivering a blow to the viewer's appetite. It is a brilliant piece of cheeky social commentary on the hidden \"ingredients\" of life.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"8,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003ePremium Quality for Primitive Humour:\u003c\/b\u003e While the message is questionable, the craftsmanship is not. This mug is made from high-gloss white ceramic, engineered to ensure the black ink and yellow speech bubble remain crisp through every wash.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eTechnical Specifications for the Meticulous\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eVessel Sizes:\u003c\/b\u003e Available in a standard \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"38\"\u003e11oz\u003c\/b\u003e for your morning ritual or a generous \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"81\"\u003e15oz\u003c\/b\u003e for those who need a substantial amount of caffeine to deal with their peers.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e 100% Glossy white ceramic for a professional look and a substantial feel in the hand.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eResilience:\u003c\/b\u003e Fully dishwasher and microwave safe. The print is designed to resist fading, even if you try to scrub the mental image of the message away.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSafety Standards:\u003c\/b\u003e BPA-free and lead-free. We care about your health, even if the man on the mug clearly doesn't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"11\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWho Is This For? (The Victims)\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Office Prankster:\u003c\/b\u003e For the person who believes that \"lowering the tone\" is a professional responsibility.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe \"Rugged\" Outdoors man:\u003c\/b\u003e A hilarious gift for the friend who owns a lot of khaki and hats but mostly uses them to walk the dog in the park.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Hard-to-Buy-For Brother:\u003c\/b\u003e If you need a birthday or Secret Santa gift that will cause an immediate family scandal, your search ends here.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eFans of the Absurd:\u003c\/b\u003e For anyone who appreciates a vintage comic aesthetic paired with a joke that is fundamentally \"too much information.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"CUCUMBER DOG","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":51532923208022,"sku":"9143870_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":51532923240790,"sku":"9143870_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/white-glossy-mug-white-11-oz-handle-on-right-68e8f1c5b312e.jpg?v=1777475359"},{"product_id":"make-me-moist-coaster","title":"Make Me Moist Coaster","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003eA Message from the Chairman: On the Subject of Hydration\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eSir Cucumber Dog is, above all things, a creature of precision. He chooses his words carefully, his cushions deliberately, and his coasters with the kind of discernment that lesser beings simply cannot comprehend.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe \u003cb\u003eMake Me Moist Coaster\u003c\/b\u003e is, on the surface, a perfectly reasonable request. Beverages are, by their very nature, moist. Coasters exist to manage that moisture. It is, technically speaking, a functional instruction.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhat happens in the mind of the person reading it is entirely their own business.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy You Absolutely Require This\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eWeaponised Ambiguity:\u003c\/b\u003e The beauty of this coaster is that it means exactly what you want it to mean. It is simultaneously innocent and deeply, irredeemably not.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Perfect Housewarming Gift:\u003c\/b\u003e Nothing says \"welcome to your new home\" like a coaster that will make every guest do a double-take.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eScientifically Accurate:\u003c\/b\u003e Your drink \u003cem\u003ewill\u003c\/em\u003e make it moist. The coaster is simply being honest about the situation.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003e🔩 Technical Specifications for the Meticulous\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e Hardboard MDF 3mm with cork backing 1mm\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eFinish:\u003c\/b\u003e High-gloss coating — wipeable, because moisture management is the whole point\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eDimensions:\u003c\/b\u003e 95 × 95 × 4mm (3.74″ × 3.74″ × 0.16″) with rounded corners\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePerformance:\u003c\/b\u003e Water-repellent, heat-resistant, and non-slip\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaintenance:\u003c\/b\u003e Wipe clean. Regularly. It's called Make Me Moist for a reason.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSold as:\u003c\/b\u003e Single coaster\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003eWho Is This For? (The Victims)\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Innuendo Connoisseur:\u003c\/b\u003e For the person who finds double entendres in everything and considers it a gift.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Hen Do Essential:\u003c\/b\u003e An absolute staple of any pre-wedding celebration with aspirations of mild notoriety.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Cheeky Housewarming Guest:\u003c\/b\u003e For when you want to give something useful but also want to be remembered.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eFans of Rude Novelty Gifts:\u003c\/b\u003e For anyone who thinks their coaster collection has been far too tasteful for far too long.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"CUCUMBER DOG","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51532931039574,"sku":"4632825_15662","price":12.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/cork-back-coaster-front-68e8f1ff30bb9.jpg?v=1777475374"},{"product_id":"i-love-your-mum-coaster","title":"I Love Your Mum Coaster","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003eA Message from the Chairman: On the Expression of Affection\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eSir Cucumber Dog is not, by nature, a sentimental creature. He does not do greeting cards. He does not do heartfelt speeches. He does not, under any circumstances, do hugs.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBut he does believe in honesty.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd the honest truth is that your mum is, by all accounts, a remarkable woman. Someone clearly thinks so, anyway. Enough to put it on a coaster. In your house. Where you have to look at it every single day.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy You Absolutely Require This\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Gift That Keeps on Giving (Grief):\u003c\/b\u003e Buy this for your mate and watch them explain it to every single person who comes round for the next decade.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eA Declaration of Sorts:\u003c\/b\u003e Bold. Unapologetic. Technically a compliment, depending on your perspective.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Lad Gift, Perfected:\u003c\/b\u003e Solves the eternal problem of what to get the bloke who has everything but deserves to be wound up about it.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003e🔩 Technical Specifications for the Meticulous\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e Hardboard MDF 3mm with cork backing 1mm\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eFinish:\u003c\/b\u003e High-gloss coating — wipeable, vibrant, and impossible to ignore\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eDimensions:\u003c\/b\u003e 95 × 95 × 4mm (3.74″ × 3.74″ × 0.16″) with rounded corners\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePerformance:\u003c\/b\u003e Water-repellent, heat-resistant, and non-slip\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaintenance:\u003c\/b\u003e Wipe clean. The coaster, not your conscience.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSold as:\u003c\/b\u003e Single coaster\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003eWho Is This For? (The Victims)\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Mate Who Deserves It:\u003c\/b\u003e For the friend who has been asking for this level of commitment for years and is about to get it in coaster form.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Stag Do Organiser:\u003c\/b\u003e An essential addition to any celebration that aims to be both memorable and deeply inappropriate.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Sibling with a Score to Settle:\u003c\/b\u003e A perfectly passive-aggressive gift that requires no explanation and offers no apology.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eFans of Rude Novelty Gifts:\u003c\/b\u003e For anyone who believes a funny coaster is a legitimate form of emotional expression.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"CUCUMBER DOG","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51532952666454,"sku":"5977978_15662","price":10.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/cork-back-coaster-front-68e8f24516580.jpg?v=1777475376"},{"product_id":"mofo-white-mug","title":"Mofo White Mug","description":"Whether you're drinking your morning coffee, evening tea, or something in between—this mug's for you! It's sturdy and glossy with a vivid print that'll withstand the microwave and dishwasher.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• Ceramic\u003cbr\u003e\n• 11 oz mug dimensions: 3.8″ (9.6 cm) in height, 3.2″ (8.2 cm) in diameter\u003cbr\u003e\n• 15 oz mug dimensions: 4.7″ (11.9 cm) in height, 3.3″ (8.5 cm) in diameter\u003cbr\u003e\n• Lead and BPA-free material\u003cbr\u003e\n• Dishwasher and microwave safe\u003cbr\u003e\n• Blank product sourced from China\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!","brand":"CUCUMBER DOG","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":51534021165398,"sku":"5647338_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":51534021198166,"sku":"5647338_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/white-glossy-mug-white-11-oz-handle-on-right-68e908b002d46.jpg?v=1777475596"},{"product_id":"i-fart-in-lifts-t-shirt","title":"I Fart In Lifts T-shirt The Public Nuisance Collection","description":"\u003cp\u003eSome people make small talk in a lift. You make a statement. This T-shirt is an honest declaration of your favourite anti-social pastime, a wearable warning sign for anyone about to share a small, enclosed space with you. You're not just going up; you're going nuclear.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis tee features a helpful, diagrammatic guide to your craft, showing a lone figure executing a perfect crop-dusting by the control panel. It’s not just a confession; it's a visual promise of what's to come. It says, \"Yes, I did just press the button for every single floor.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for the office anarchist, the mischief-maker, and anyone who believes that the awkward silence in a lift is a canvas, and a fart is their paintbrush.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy This Shirt is a Public Service Announcement:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eA Masterpiece of Antisocial Artistry:\u003c\/b\u003e For those who appreciate the finer points of petty rebellion.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eA Clear Warning:\u003c\/b\u003e Manages the expectations of fellow passengers beautifully. They can't say they weren't told.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eRoyal Mail, On The House:\u003c\/b\u003e Dispatched with \u003cb\u003eFree UK Shipping\u003c\/b\u003e, because your gift to the public is already generous enough.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eComfort for the Culprit:\u003c\/b\u003e Made from soft, sturdy cotton, ideal for standing perfectly still, maintaining eye contact, and enjoying your handiwork.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Fiddly Bits (Specs):\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eFabric Composition:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSolid colours are 100% cotton.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSport Grey is 90% cotton, 10% polyester.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAsh Grey is 99% cotton, 1% polyester.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeather colours are a 50\/50 cotton\/polyester blend of pure, gaseous malevolence.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eFabric Weight:\u003c\/b\u003e A solid 5.0–5.3 oz\/yd² (170-180 g\/m²).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eConstruction:\u003c\/b\u003e Made with open-end yarn and tubular fabric, with a taped neck and shoulders. Plus double seams at the sleeves and bottom hem. It’s built to withstand the inevitable glares.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eSourced From:\u003c\/b\u003e Our blank tees are sourced from various corners of the world (Honduras, Nicaragua, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Bangladesh, Mexico).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eA Note On Your Order (Freshly Emitted):\u003c\/b\u003e This shirt isn't just sitting around. Each one is printed fresh just for you the moment you place your order. This on-demand wizardry means it takes a little longer to arrive, but it's brilliant for cutting down on waste. You can’t rush this kind of artistry.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eHeads-Up (Disclaimers):\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe \u003cb\u003eWhite\u003c\/b\u003e tee is more of an 'off-white'.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe \u003cb\u003eNatural\u003c\/b\u003e colour has dark speckles in it. It's a feature, not a flaw.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLENGTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWIDTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSLEEVE LENGTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e15 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e17\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e21 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"CUCUMBER DOG","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":51534048887126,"sku":"6657949_11546","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":51534048919894,"sku":"6657949_11547","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":51534048952662,"sku":"6657949_11548","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":51534048985430,"sku":"6657949_11549","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":51534049018198,"sku":"6657949_11550","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":51534049050966,"sku":"6657949_12644","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ S","offer_id":51534049083734,"sku":"6657949_11561","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ M","offer_id":51534049116502,"sku":"6657949_11562","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ L","offer_id":51534049149270,"sku":"6657949_11563","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ XL","offer_id":51534049182038,"sku":"6657949_11564","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 2XL","offer_id":51534049214806,"sku":"6657949_11565","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 3XL","offer_id":51534049247574,"sku":"6657949_12653","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ S","offer_id":51534049280342,"sku":"6657949_15873","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ M","offer_id":51534049313110,"sku":"6657949_15874","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ L","offer_id":51534049345878,"sku":"6657949_15875","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ XL","offer_id":51534049378646,"sku":"6657949_15876","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ 2XL","offer_id":51534049411414,"sku":"6657949_15877","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ 3XL","offer_id":51534049444182,"sku":"6657949_15878","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Chocolate \/ S","offer_id":51534049476950,"sku":"6657949_15837","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Chocolate \/ M","offer_id":51534049509718,"sku":"6657949_15838","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Chocolate \/ L","offer_id":51534049542486,"sku":"6657949_15839","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Chocolate \/ XL","offer_id":51534049575254,"sku":"6657949_15840","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Chocolate \/ 2XL","offer_id":51534049608022,"sku":"6657949_15841","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Chocolate \/ 3XL","offer_id":51534049640790,"sku":"6657949_15842","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ S","offer_id":51534049673558,"sku":"6657949_15879","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ M","offer_id":51534049706326,"sku":"6657949_15880","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ L","offer_id":51534049739094,"sku":"6657949_15881","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ XL","offer_id":51534049771862,"sku":"6657949_15882","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ 2XL","offer_id":51534049804630,"sku":"6657949_15883","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ 3XL","offer_id":51534049837398,"sku":"6657949_15884","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ S","offer_id":51534049870166,"sku":"6657949_15831","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ M","offer_id":51534049902934,"sku":"6657949_15832","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ L","offer_id":51534049935702,"sku":"6657949_15833","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ XL","offer_id":51534049968470,"sku":"6657949_15834","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ 2XL","offer_id":51534050001238,"sku":"6657949_15835","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ 3XL","offer_id":51534050034006,"sku":"6657949_15836","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Gold \/ S","offer_id":51534050066774,"sku":"6657949_15849","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Gold \/ M","offer_id":51534050099542,"sku":"6657949_15850","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Gold \/ L","offer_id":51534050132310,"sku":"6657949_15851","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Gold \/ XL","offer_id":51534050165078,"sku":"6657949_15852","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Gold \/ 2XL","offer_id":51534050197846,"sku":"6657949_15853","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Gold \/ 3XL","offer_id":51534050230614,"sku":"6657949_15854","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sky \/ S","offer_id":51534050263382,"sku":"6657949_14981","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sky \/ M","offer_id":51534050296150,"sku":"6657949_14982","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sky \/ L","offer_id":51534050328918,"sku":"6657949_14983","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sky \/ XL","offer_id":51534050361686,"sku":"6657949_14984","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sky \/ 2XL","offer_id":51534050394454,"sku":"6657949_14985","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sky \/ 3XL","offer_id":51534050427222,"sku":"6657949_14986","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/unisex-classic-tee-dark-chocolate-front-68e909b91dce0.jpg?v=1777640292"},{"product_id":"i-dont-fart-darling-white-mug","title":"I Don't Fart Darling White Mug","description":"Whether you're drinking your morning coffee, evening tea, or something in between—this mug's for you! It's sturdy and glossy with a vivid print that'll withstand the microwave and dishwasher.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• Ceramic\u003cbr\u003e\n• 11 oz mug dimensions: 3.8″ (9.6 cm) in height, 3.2″ (8.2 cm) in diameter\u003cbr\u003e\n• 15 oz mug dimensions: 4.7″ (11.9 cm) in height, 3.3″ (8.5 cm) in diameter\u003cbr\u003e\n• Lead and BPA-free material\u003cbr\u003e\n• Dishwasher and microwave safe\u003cbr\u003e\n• Blank product sourced from China\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!","brand":"CUCUMBER DOG","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":51534061404502,"sku":"7840249_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":51534061437270,"sku":"7840249_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/white-glossy-mug-white-11-oz-handle-on-right-68e90a400578b.jpg?v=1777640338"},{"product_id":"anal-applause-white-mug","title":"Anal Applause White Mug","description":"\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eA Standing Ovation for the Audibly Offensive\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003eIt has come to the Chairman’s attention that certain rhythmic, biological acoustics are a source of pride for some of you. While Sir Cucumber Dog finds the mechanics of the human digestive system entirely vulgar, he cannot help but admire a human who seeks a founding membership for it. This premium ceramic mug officially welcomes you to the \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10\" data-index-in-node=\"343\"\u003eAnal Applause Appreciation Society\u003c\/b\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003eDesigned for those who have abandoned all hope of social acceptance, this vessel features a sophisticated \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"11\" data-index-in-node=\"106\"\u003eCucumber cream\u003c\/b\u003e background. The design is anchored by a regal, ornate green banner with gold-style detailing, providing a level of Victorian elegance that makes the phrase \"Anal Applause\" look surprisingly high-class. Centre stage is Sir Cucumber Dog himself: dressed in his signature cucumber-print suit and monocle, wearing an expression of intense, aristocratic disdain.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWhy You Absolutely Require This Vessel\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Ultimate Social Deterrent:\u003c\/b\u003e Bringing this into a professional environment is a definitive power move. It ensures that no one will ever ask you to lead a \"wellness seminar\" or volunteer for the office tea round again.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003ePremium Ceramic Authority:\u003c\/b\u003e We do not trade in flimsy kitchenware. This is crafted from high-gloss white ceramic, ensuring the Cucumber green banner and yellow bow tie remain crisp and vibrant through every use.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eResistant to Shame and Detergent:\u003c\/b\u003e Built to handle the heat of a Monday morning or the late-night tea rounds, this mug is fully dishwasher and microwave safe. The print is engineered to resist fading, even if you try to wash away the mental image.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eTechnical Specifications for the Unfiltered\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e11oz Standard:\u003c\/b\u003e The classic choice for a quick hit of caffeine or a modest tea. Perfect for those who prefer their insults concentrated.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"15,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"15,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e15oz Mega:\u003c\/b\u003e For those who require a substantial amount of liquid to cope with their social isolation. More mug means more room for judgement.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"15,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"15,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e 100% Glossy white ceramic with a full-wrap Cucumber cream finish.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"15,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"15,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSafety Standards:\u003c\/b\u003e Entirely BPA-free and lead-free. Sir Cucumber Dog cares about your health, even if you clearly do not care about your reputation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"CUCUMBER DOG","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":51647140200790,"sku":"5894601_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":51647140233558,"sku":"5894601_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/white-glossy-mug-white-11-oz-handle-on-right-69e7650611e18.jpg?v=1776772791"},{"product_id":"the-male-dreamer-bath-mat","title":"The Male Dreamer Bath Mat","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eWarning:\u003c\/b\u003e Requires a good sense of humour (and a bit of ego).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis \u003cb\u003erude bath mat\u003c\/b\u003e isn't just about drying your feet; it's about setting a very specific expectation. We call it \u003cb\u003e'The Male Dreamer Mat'\u003c\/b\u003e because, well, it's designed to make one particular part of the male anatomy feel perfectly... centred.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFeaturing two footprints and one perfectly placed small white circle, the \u003cb\u003esuggestive joke\u003c\/b\u003e is clear: this is where a man’s piece goes. It’s the ultimate \u003cb\u003egag gift for him\u003c\/b\u003e, brilliant for a partner, best mate, or anyone who appreciates a good bit of \u003cb\u003elowbrow British banter\u003c\/b\u003e in the \u003cb\u003ebathroom\u003c\/b\u003e. Stop giving boring gifts and choose a \u003cb\u003efunny novelty mat\u003c\/b\u003e they'll actually use!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e✨ Product Details: High-Quality Humour\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDon't let the \u003cb\u003echeeky design\u003c\/b\u003e fool you—this is a high-quality, comfortable, and safe \u003cb\u003enovelty toilet mat\u003c\/b\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eSoft Microfibre Top:\u003c\/b\u003e Highly absorbent microfibre material feels soft and \u003cb\u003eluxurious\u003c\/b\u003e under your feet (and any other bits).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eCushioned Memory Foam Inner:\u003c\/b\u003e Experience \u003cb\u003eplush comfort\u003c\/b\u003e every time you step out of the shower. This \u003cb\u003ememory foam bath mat\u003c\/b\u003e is built to last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eNon-Slip Base:\u003c\/b\u003e Crucial for \u003cb\u003ebathroom safety\u003c\/b\u003e, the base ensures this mat stays put, even on slick tiles.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eApprox. Size:\u003c\/b\u003e A good size for standing on at \u003cb\u003e\u003cspan class=\"math-inline\" data-math=\"40 \\times 60 \\ \\text{cm}\"\u003e$40 \\times 60 \\ \\text{cm}$\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e🎨 Decoration and Care Instructions\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eVibrant Edge-to-Edge Print:\u003c\/b\u003e The stark white footprints and the crucial joke circle are printed clearly and crisply using high-quality dye-sublimation on the deep black base.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eKeeping It Clean:\u003c\/b\u003e To keep this piece of \u003cb\u003ecomedy decor\u003c\/b\u003e clean, simply wash at 30 degrees. Please avoid tumble drying to maintain the mat's shape and its funny focus.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"CUCUMBER DOG","offers":[{"title":"40 x 60cm","offer_id":51816522547542,"sku":"BATH-MAT-40-60","price":25.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/mockup-d895d4bbc5a8d805055deb42d1254600-_1.png?v=1764005233"},{"product_id":"the-old-mans-sack-bath-mat","title":"The 'Old Man's Sack' Bath Mat","description":"\u003cp\u003eTired of \u003cb\u003eboring bathroom décor\u003c\/b\u003e? Spice up your ablutions and add a touch of genuine vulgarity with this \u003cb\u003ehilariously inappropriate bath mat\u003c\/b\u003e! Featuring our subtly suggestive two-feet and two-egg design, this \u003cb\u003enovelty bath mat\u003c\/b\u003e looks exactly like an old man's sagging nuts, and we think that's bloody brilliant. It’s the perfect, \u003cb\u003erude adult humour gift\u003c\/b\u003e for someone who loves truly cheeky home accessories.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eKey Features (Why You Need This Inappropriate Bath Mat):\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e Approx. \u003cb\u003e40 x 60 cm\u003c\/b\u003e—the perfect spot for your \u003cb\u003etoilet mat\u003c\/b\u003e area or outside the shower. Stand and ponder the meaning of life, or just dry your feet in style.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eSupreme Comfort:\u003c\/b\u003e This is a \u003cb\u003eluxury memory foam bath mat\u003c\/b\u003e! Made with a soft microfibre top and a cushioned memory foam inner. It’s so plush and comfortable, you’ll forget what \u003cb\u003evulgar design\u003c\/b\u003e you’re standing on... almost.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eStay Put Safety:\u003c\/b\u003e Features a \u003cb\u003enon-slip base\u003c\/b\u003e for extra safety, preventing slips and slides. Nobody needs to slip on a sack!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eVibrant \u0026amp; Bold Artwork:\u003c\/b\u003e Your chosen rude artwork is printed edge-to-edge using high-quality dye-sublimation on an antique white base. This process guarantees vibrant colours and sharp detail that Sir Cucumber Dog himself would approve of.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e🧼 Care Instructions:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eKeep your nuts looking fresh and clean:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWash at 30 degrees.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAvoid tumble drying (don't shrink the rudeness!).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eSir Cucumber Dog Says:\u003c\/b\u003e \"One must appreciate the elegance of a full and generous sag. Use this \u003cb\u003erude bathroom mat\u003c\/b\u003e to bring a touch of class-A vulgarity to your \u003cb\u003ewet room\u003c\/b\u003e, you delightful rotter!\"\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"CUCUMBER DOG","offers":[{"title":"40 x 60cm","offer_id":51822809743702,"sku":"BATH-MAT-40-60","price":25.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/mockup-e90e152b6b6ea296a1160dd557b24f66-_1.png?v=1764005134"},{"product_id":"i-did-debbie-in-dallas-rude-adult-humour-door-mat","title":"\"I DID DEBBIE IN DALLAS!\" Rude Adult Humour Door Mat","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis mat is pure, unadulterated classic \u003cb\u003erude adult humour\u003c\/b\u003e!\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAn iconic, slightly \u003cb\u003eoffensive joke\u003c\/b\u003e that immediately signals your home is a place for laughs and maybe a little controversy. This \u003cb\u003enaughty welcome mat\u003c\/b\u003e is a brilliant statement piece for anyone who appreciates cult movie references and isn't afraid to shock their friends. It's the ultimate \u003cb\u003erude gift\u003c\/b\u003e for film fans and friends with a wicked sense of humour. This mat is durable and suitable for \u003cb\u003eindoor use only\u003c\/b\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Specifications:\u003c\/b\u003e\nOverall Size: 60 x 40 cm\nPrintable Area: 57 x 37 cm\nBase: Non-slip rubber\nUse: Indoor Only\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"CUCUMBER DOG","offers":[{"title":"White","offer_id":51836988784982,"sku":"DOOR-MAT","price":28.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/mockup-35a04aad96b087aea56026507fd87bc1-_1.png?v=1764005120"},{"product_id":"i-did-debbie-in-dallas-funny-tee","title":"\"I Did Debbie in Dallas\" Infamous Tee | Sir Cucumber Dog","description":"\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe T-Shirt That Answers the Question Nobody Asked\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003eYou wore it. You saw the double-takes. You felt the silent, judging stare of that old woman in the supermarket. And now, you are buying it again. Why? Because this T-shirt is a masterpiece of ambiguity and glorious bad taste.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003eIs it a reference to a vintage film? A deep-cut sports chant? A casual boast about that time you really enjoyed a plate of nachos at a Texas restaurant called 'Debbie’s'? Nobody knows, and that is the best part.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003eWear it to your next family gathering, a job interview, or a flight to Dallas. Just be prepared to either be the life of the party or permanently disowned. Either way, you will be comfortable. Warning: May cause spontaneous high-fives from strangers and uncomfortable silence from in-laws.\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"15\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"17\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"18\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWhy This Shirt is a Masterpiece of Misdirection\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"19\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"19,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"19,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Ultimate Conversation Starter:\u003c\/b\u003e Or stopper. Usually the latter. It is the perfect litmus test for finding people with a similarly warped sense of humour.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"19,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"19,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSir Cucumber Dog Approved:\u003c\/b\u003e Our dapper pug serves as the smug face of your questionable life choices, ensuring you look posh even while wearing a scandal.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"19,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"19,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eRoyal Mail, On The House:\u003c\/b\u003e Dispatched with Free UK Shipping, because spreading this level of confusion should be free of charge.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"19,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"19,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eElite Comfort:\u003c\/b\u003e Made from soft, sturdy cotton. Ideal for maintaining your composure while people try to figure out if you are joking.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"20\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"21\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"21\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eTechnical Specifications for the Discerning\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"22\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"22,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"22,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003ePremium Fabric Facts:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"22,0,1\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"22,0,1,0,0\"\u003eSolid colours: 100% Cotton (The good stuff, feels like a hug from Sir Cucumber Dog himself).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"22,0,1,1,0\"\u003eSport Grey: A highly athletic blend of 90% Cotton and 10% Polyester.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"22,0,1,2,0\"\u003eAsh Grey: 99% Cotton with a 1% Polyester dash of mystery.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"22,0,1,3,0\"\u003eHeather Hues: A 50\/50 Cotton and Polyester blend. All the comfort, zero wrinkles, and ready for action.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"22,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"22,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eFabric Weight:\u003c\/b\u003e A substantial 5.0 to 5.3 oz\/yd² (170 to 180 g\/m²). It has a bit of heft: you cannot accidentally lose this one.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"22,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"22,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eConstruction Details:\u003c\/b\u003e * Open-End Yarn for that classic vintage feel.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"22,2,1\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"22,2,1,0,0\"\u003eTubular Knit: No annoying side seams to ruin your smooth, action-ready look.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"22,2,1,1,0\"\u003eTaped Neck and Shoulders: Extra reinforcement so you can hold your head high.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"22,2,1,2,0\"\u003eDouble Seam Detailing: Sleeves and bottom hem are built to last, because a legend deserves to be preserved.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"23\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"24\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"24\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eImportant Notes (The Boring But Necessary Disclaimers)\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"25\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"25,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"25,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWhite is Special:\u003c\/b\u003e Due to the natural fibres, our White shirt leans towards an elegant, softer off-white rather than a stark, dentist-office bright white.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"25,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"25,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Natural Look:\u003c\/b\u003e If you choose the Natural colour, expect to see tiny, charming dark speckles woven throughout the fabric. It is a feature, not a bug: a subtle nod to its organic roots.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLENGTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWIDTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSLEEVE LENGTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e15 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e17\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e21 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"metric\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLENGTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWIDTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSLEEVE LENGTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e71.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e45.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e39.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e73.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e50.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e43.2\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e76.2\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e55.9\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e47\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e78.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e61\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e50.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e81.3\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e66\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e54.6\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e83.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e71.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e58\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"CUCUMBER DOG","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":51837059465558,"sku":"9806953_11546","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":51837059498326,"sku":"9806953_11547","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":51837059531094,"sku":"9806953_11548","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":51837059563862,"sku":"9806953_11549","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":51837059596630,"sku":"9806953_11550","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":51837059629398,"sku":"9806953_12644","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ S","offer_id":51837059662166,"sku":"9806953_11561","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ M","offer_id":51837059694934,"sku":"9806953_11562","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ L","offer_id":51837059727702,"sku":"9806953_11563","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ XL","offer_id":51837059760470,"sku":"9806953_11564","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 2XL","offer_id":51837059793238,"sku":"9806953_11565","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 3XL","offer_id":51837059826006,"sku":"9806953_12653","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ S","offer_id":51837059858774,"sku":"9806953_15873","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ M","offer_id":51837059891542,"sku":"9806953_15874","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ L","offer_id":51837059924310,"sku":"9806953_15875","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ XL","offer_id":51837059957078,"sku":"9806953_15876","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ 2XL","offer_id":51837059989846,"sku":"9806953_15877","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ 3XL","offer_id":51837060022614,"sku":"9806953_15878","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather \/ S","offer_id":51837060055382,"sku":"9806953_15843","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather \/ M","offer_id":51837060088150,"sku":"9806953_15844","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather \/ L","offer_id":51837060120918,"sku":"9806953_15845","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather \/ XL","offer_id":51837060153686,"sku":"9806953_15846","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather \/ 2XL","offer_id":51837060186454,"sku":"9806953_15847","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather \/ 3XL","offer_id":51837060219222,"sku":"9806953_15848","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ S","offer_id":51837060251990,"sku":"9806953_15867","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ M","offer_id":51837060284758,"sku":"9806953_15868","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ L","offer_id":51837060317526,"sku":"9806953_15869","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ XL","offer_id":51837060350294,"sku":"9806953_15870","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ 2XL","offer_id":51837060383062,"sku":"9806953_15871","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ 3XL","offer_id":51837060415830,"sku":"9806953_15872","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Graphite Heather \/ S","offer_id":51837060448598,"sku":"9806953_21683","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Graphite Heather \/ M","offer_id":51837060481366,"sku":"9806953_21684","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Graphite Heather \/ L","offer_id":51837060514134,"sku":"9806953_21685","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Graphite Heather \/ XL","offer_id":51837060546902,"sku":"9806953_21686","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Graphite Heather \/ 2XL","offer_id":51837060579670,"sku":"9806953_21687","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Graphite Heather \/ 3XL","offer_id":51837060612438,"sku":"9806953_21688","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Irish Green \/ S","offer_id":51837060645206,"sku":"9806953_15855","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Irish Green \/ M","offer_id":51837060677974,"sku":"9806953_15856","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Irish Green \/ L","offer_id":51837060710742,"sku":"9806953_15857","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Irish Green \/ XL","offer_id":51837060743510,"sku":"9806953_15858","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Irish Green \/ 2XL","offer_id":51837060776278,"sku":"9806953_15859","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Irish Green \/ 3XL","offer_id":51837060809046,"sku":"9806953_15860","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Azalea \/ S","offer_id":51837060841814,"sku":"9806953_15813","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Azalea \/ M","offer_id":51837060874582,"sku":"9806953_15814","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Azalea \/ L","offer_id":51837060907350,"sku":"9806953_15815","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Azalea \/ XL","offer_id":51837060940118,"sku":"9806953_15816","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Azalea \/ 2XL","offer_id":51837060972886,"sku":"9806953_15817","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Azalea \/ 3XL","offer_id":51837061005654,"sku":"9806953_15818","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":51837061038422,"sku":"9806953_11576","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":51837061071190,"sku":"9806953_11577","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":51837061103958,"sku":"9806953_11578","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":51837061136726,"sku":"9806953_11579","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":51837061169494,"sku":"9806953_11580","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":51837061202262,"sku":"9806953_12650","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/unisex-classic-tee-black-front-691607e9bc4f8.jpg?v=1776871425"},{"product_id":"rude-glass-chopping-board-juices-slogan","title":"I LOVE IT WHEN THE JUICES GO ALL OVER ME! Chopping Board","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eStop denying it. We all secretly love the mess!\u003c\/b\u003e If you're a \u003cb\u003emessy cook\u003c\/b\u003e or just appreciate some good \u003cb\u003edark humour\u003c\/b\u003e, this is the \u003cb\u003efunny glass chopping board\u003c\/b\u003e your \u003cb\u003ekitchen decor\u003c\/b\u003e desperately needs.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eOur \u003cb\u003erude kitchenware\u003c\/b\u003e is designed to shock and amuse. This \u003cb\u003elarge glass chopping board (39x29cm)\u003c\/b\u003e features the bold, eye-catching slogan in our signature \u003cb\u003elime green\u003c\/b\u003e on a sleek black background:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eI LOVE IT WHEN\u003c\/b\u003e \u003cb\u003eTHE JUICES GO\u003c\/b\u003e \u003cb\u003eALL OVER ME!\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003eThis board makes a truly \u003cb\u003eunique housewarming gift\u003c\/b\u003e or the perfect \u003cb\u003efunny present for a cook\u003c\/b\u003e who isn't afraid of a bit of \u003cb\u003ekitchen banter\u003c\/b\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Features (Hygienic, Sarcastic, and Non-Slip):\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eHygienic Material:\u003c\/b\u003e Made from tough, \u003cb\u003etextured glass\u003c\/b\u003e, making it an easy-to-clean and hygienic \u003cb\u003ecutting board\u003c\/b\u003e for all your food prep.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eOptimal Size:\u003c\/b\u003e The generous \u003cb\u003e39 x 29cm\u003c\/b\u003e dimensions provide plenty of space, whether you're preparing dinner or using it as a serving plate.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eNo Slip-Ups:\u003c\/b\u003e Supplied with \u003cb\u003enon-slip rubber feet\u003c\/b\u003e to keep the board stable, even when the \u003ci\u003echopping\u003c\/i\u003e gets aggressive.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Perfect Gift:\u003c\/b\u003e An ideal \u003cb\u003enovelty kitchen present UK\u003c\/b\u003e for birthdays, Secret Santa, or just because. This \u003cb\u003esarcastic\u003c\/b\u003e design is truly an \u003cb\u003eoffensive kitchen\u003c\/b\u003e must-have.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eEmbrace the chaos. Order this unforgettable 'juices go all over me' chopping board today and let the sticky fun begin!\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"CUCUMBER DOG","offers":[{"title":"Textured Glass","offer_id":51873816969558,"sku":"R-CHOPPINGBOARD","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/I-LOVE-IT-WHEN-THE-JUICES-GO-ALL-OVER-ME-CHOPPING-BOARD-_1.png?v=1764005027"},{"product_id":"i-prefer-the-back-door-rude-and-funny-indoor-door-mat","title":"I PREFER THE BACK DOOR RUDE AND FUNNY INDOOR DOOR MAT","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eWhy use the main entrance when there are other, more \u003ci\u003eexciting\u003c\/i\u003e options?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eThis mat delivers a brilliant, suggestive double entendre right on your threshold! This \u003cb\u003erude adult humour mat\u003c\/b\u003e is perfect for those who appreciate a cheeky wink and a naughty joke. Featuring the unforgettable text, \u003cb\u003e\"I PREFER THE BACK DOOR.\"\u003c\/b\u003e, it's guaranteed to make guests snigger and wonder exactly what kind of welcome awaits them.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003eIt's the ideal \u003cb\u003enaughty housewarming gift\u003c\/b\u003e or a fantastic statement piece for anyone who enjoys \u003cb\u003eprovocative home decor\u003c\/b\u003e. Place it at the actual back door for maximum, literal impact, or put it at the front for a hilariously \u003cb\u003esuggestive welcome\u003c\/b\u003e. This mat is durable and suitable for \u003cb\u003eindoor use only\u003c\/b\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Specifications:\u003c\/b\u003e\nOverall Size: 60 x 40 cm\nPrintable Area: 57 x 37 cm\nBase: Non-slip rubber\nUse: Indoor Only\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude \u0026 Funny Mugs, Tees, Coasters \u0026 Gifts","offers":[{"title":"White","offer_id":51916723421526,"sku":"DOOR-MAT","price":28.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/mockup-f66161297d0a240ad917f56173c53792-_1.png?v=1764005009"},{"product_id":"bollocks-youre-here-sarcastic-indoor-door-mat","title":"BOLLOCKS! YOU'RE HERE! Sarcastic Indoor Door Mat","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003eGive your guests the warm, fuzzy welcome they \u003ci data-path-to-node=\"3\" data-index-in-node=\"46\"\u003eactually\u003c\/i\u003e deserve with this brilliantly blunt and \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"3\" data-index-in-node=\"95\"\u003esarcastic indoor mat\u003c\/b\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003ePerfect for those who find traditional hospitality a bit too much effort, this mat is the ultimate piece of \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"4\" data-index-in-node=\"108\"\u003erude home decor\u003c\/b\u003e. Featuring the bold, unmissable text \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"4\" data-index-in-node=\"161\"\u003e\"BOLLOCKS! YOU'RE HERE!\"\u003c\/b\u003e, it’s designed to let visitors know exactly how you feel about their arrival before they’ve even taken their coats off. It is a quintessential example of \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"4\" data-index-in-node=\"340\"\u003eBritish humour\u003c\/b\u003e for anyone who prefers a bit of honest, rude wit over a polite \"hello\".\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eThis mat makes a fantastic \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"27\"\u003efunny housewarming gift\u003c\/b\u003e for friends who hate people, a cheeky addition to a bachelor pad, or a standout statement piece for a hallway or man cave. Built with a durable surface and a \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"209\"\u003enon-slip rubber base\u003c\/b\u003e, it ensures your grumpy greeting stays firmly in place.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003eKey Features:\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eClassic British Wit:\u003c\/b\u003e A perfect piece of \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"40\"\u003erude novelty decor\u003c\/b\u003e that uses one of the UK's favourite expletives to maximum effect.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"7,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"7,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSafe \u0026amp; Secure:\u003c\/b\u003e Equipped with a high-quality \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"7,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"44\"\u003enon-slip rubber backing\u003c\/b\u003e to prevent sliding on laminate, wood, or tiled floors.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"7,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"7,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDurable Construction:\u003c\/b\u003e Designed to withstand high foot traffic while keeping the crisp, bold print clearly visible.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"7,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"7,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003ePerfect Gift Idea:\u003c\/b\u003e An ideal \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"7,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"28\"\u003efunny anniversary gift\u003c\/b\u003e or unique present for that one friend who values their \"me time\" above all else.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"8\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eProduct Specifications:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eOverall Size:\u003c\/b\u003e 60 x 40 cm\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003ePrintable Area:\u003c\/b\u003e 57 x 37 cm\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eBase:\u003c\/b\u003e Non-slip rubber\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eUse:\u003c\/b\u003e Indoor Only\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude \u0026 Funny Mugs, Tees, Coasters \u0026 Gifts","offers":[{"title":"White","offer_id":52211319800150,"sku":"DOOR-MAT","price":31.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/mockup-f51ddf739ff85be4dc384945c0170087-_1.png?v=1767711822"},{"product_id":"dipshit-varsity-t-shirt-sir-cucumber-dog-the-alumni-collection","title":"University of Dipshittery Varsity Tee | Sir Cucumber Dog","description":"\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Most Prestigious Degree in Personal Failure\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003eSome people proudly wear their university crest. They drone on about degrees in PPE, Classical Civilisation, or something equally useless at dinner parties. But you? You studied somewhere far more exclusive. You are a proud graduate of the \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"11\" data-index-in-node=\"240\"\u003eUniversity of Dipshittery\u003c\/b\u003e, and it is high time your wardrobe reflected your academic journey.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003eThis T-shirt takes the classic Ivy League varsity design and injects the brutal honesty it has been missing. The word Dipshit sits proudly on the chest. Featuring bold collegiate lettering and a beautifully arched declaration of poor judgement, it is the ultimate uniform for the confidently incorrect.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003eWhether you wear it as a self-aware badge of honour or gift it to that mate who once tried to microwave a sandwich with the foil still on, the message is clear: You may be wrong, but you are never in doubt.\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"15\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"17\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"18\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWhy This Tee Is Top of the Class\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"19\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"19,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"19,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eElite Academic Credentials (In Idiocy):\u003c\/b\u003e Classic varsity aesthetics for people who confidently misunderstand basic instructions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"19,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"19,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Perfect Gift for Questionable Thinkers:\u003c\/b\u003e Ideal for birthdays, Christmas, or spontaneous interventions for your most dim-witted friends.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"19,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"19,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSir Cucumber Dog Approved:\u003c\/b\u003e Ensuring that even at peak dipshittery, you maintain a respectable level of British style and aristocratic disdain.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"19,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"19,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eComfort for the Confused:\u003c\/b\u003e Crafted from soft, durable cotton. Perfect for staring blankly at instructions you have absolutely no intention of following.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"19,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"19,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eRoyal Mail, On The House:\u003c\/b\u003e Dispatched with Free UK Shipping, because your tuition fees were already expensive enough.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"20\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"21\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"21\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eTechnical Specifications for the Discerning\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"22\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"22,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"22,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eMaterial Composition:\u003c\/b\u003e Solid colours are 100% cotton. Sport Grey is 90% cotton and 10% polyester. Ash Grey is 99% cotton and 1% polyester. Heather colours are a 50\/50 blend of cotton and pure, unadulterated nonsense.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"22,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"22,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eFabric Weight:\u003c\/b\u003e A solid 5.0 to 5.3 oz\/yd² (170 to 180 g\/m²).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"22,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"22,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eConstruction Details:\u003c\/b\u003e Built with open-end yarn and tubular fabric. Features a taped neck and shoulders with double-stitched sleeves and a bottom hem. It is engineered to survive your most questionable life choices.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"22,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"22,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eResponsible Production:\u003c\/b\u003e This garment is printed on demand specifically for you. This reduces waste and marks perhaps the only responsible decision you have made all year. We are proud of you. Truly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"23\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"24\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"24\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eImportant Notes Before You Graduate\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"25\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"25,0,0\"\u003eThe White tee is a classic off-white rather than a stark optic white.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"25,1,0\"\u003eThe Natural colour contains subtle dark speckles. This is a natural feature of the fabric and not a sign of your deteriorating eyesight.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"25,2,0\"\u003eWear it proudly. Judge others silently. Represent the University of Dipshittery with the dignity it absolutely does not deserve.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLENGTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWIDTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSLEEVE LENGTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e15 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e17\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e21 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"metric\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLENGTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWIDTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSLEEVE LENGTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e71.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e45.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e39.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e73.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e50.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e43.2\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e76.2\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e55.9\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e47\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e78.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e61\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e50.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e81.3\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e66\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e54.6\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e83.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e71.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e58\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude \u0026 Funny Mugs, Tees, Coasters \u0026 Gifts","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":52219241136470,"sku":"3007463_11546","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":52219241169238,"sku":"3007463_11547","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":52219241202006,"sku":"3007463_11548","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":52219241234774,"sku":"3007463_11549","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":52219241267542,"sku":"3007463_11550","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":52219241300310,"sku":"3007463_12644","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ S","offer_id":52219241333078,"sku":"3007463_11561","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ M","offer_id":52219241365846,"sku":"3007463_11562","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ L","offer_id":52219241398614,"sku":"3007463_11563","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ XL","offer_id":52219241431382,"sku":"3007463_11564","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 2XL","offer_id":52219241464150,"sku":"3007463_11565","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 3XL","offer_id":52219241496918,"sku":"3007463_12653","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ S","offer_id":52219241529686,"sku":"3007463_15873","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ M","offer_id":52219241562454,"sku":"3007463_15874","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ L","offer_id":52219241595222,"sku":"3007463_15875","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ XL","offer_id":52219241627990,"sku":"3007463_15876","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ 2XL","offer_id":52219241660758,"sku":"3007463_15877","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ 3XL","offer_id":52219241693526,"sku":"3007463_15878","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Chocolate \/ S","offer_id":52219241726294,"sku":"3007463_15837","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Chocolate \/ M","offer_id":52219241759062,"sku":"3007463_15838","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Chocolate \/ L","offer_id":52219241791830,"sku":"3007463_15839","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Chocolate \/ XL","offer_id":52219241824598,"sku":"3007463_15840","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Chocolate \/ 2XL","offer_id":52219241857366,"sku":"3007463_15841","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Chocolate \/ 3XL","offer_id":52219241890134,"sku":"3007463_15842","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ S","offer_id":52219242119510,"sku":"3007463_15831","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ M","offer_id":52219242152278,"sku":"3007463_15832","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ L","offer_id":52219242185046,"sku":"3007463_15833","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ XL","offer_id":52219242217814,"sku":"3007463_15834","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ 2XL","offer_id":52219242250582,"sku":"3007463_15835","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charcoal \/ 3XL","offer_id":52219242283350,"sku":"3007463_15836","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ S","offer_id":52219242316118,"sku":"3007463_15867","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ M","offer_id":52219242348886,"sku":"3007463_15868","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ L","offer_id":52219242381654,"sku":"3007463_15869","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ XL","offer_id":52219242414422,"sku":"3007463_15870","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ 2XL","offer_id":52219242447190,"sku":"3007463_15871","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ 3XL","offer_id":52219242479958,"sku":"3007463_15872","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/unisex-classic-tee-black-front-695d1bdd89afe.jpg?v=1776871144"},{"product_id":"busier-than-a-cucumber-mug-funny-rude-sir-cucumber-dog-gift","title":"The Ultimate Boundary Setting Device: The \"Busier Than A Cucumber\" Mug","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003eWhen your schedule is absolute chaos, let the mug do the talking. If your calendar is a disaster and your to-do list has become sentient, this funny rude mug is your official badge of honour. The \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"11\" data-index-in-node=\"196\"\u003eBusier Than a Cucumber\u003c\/b\u003e mug is designed for those juggling too much, surviving on caffeine, and communicating exclusively through high level sarcasm.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003eThis essential piece from our \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12\" data-index-in-node=\"30\"\u003eHome Chaos\u003c\/b\u003e collection features the legendary \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12\" data-index-in-node=\"75\"\u003eSir Cucumber Dog\u003c\/b\u003e himself. Dressed in his bespoke cucumber print suit and monocle, he delivers pure judgement with aristocratic style. Set against a signature Cucumber green label on a crisp white ceramic body, the design is printed on both sides to ensure your boundary setting is visible from every angle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWhy This Mug Handles the Pressure\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003eIt is more than a vessel for coffee: it is a strategic tool for the modern workplace. Picture it sitting on your desk while emails pile up and deadlines loom, quietly informing everyone to back off without you having to utter a single word.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDouble Sided Authority:\u003c\/b\u003e Sir Cucumber Dog is featured on both sides, making his dapper disdain visible to everyone in the room, whether you are left or right handed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"15,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"15,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Perfect Sarcastic Gift:\u003c\/b\u003e Ideal for office gifts, rude Secret Santa presents, or that work bestie who is permanently \"flat out\" but still thriving.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"15,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"15,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSignature Aesthetic:\u003c\/b\u003e The Cucumber green and white colour scheme provides a sophisticated, clean look for a beautifully inappropriate joke.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"16\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"17\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eTechnical Specifications for the Overworked\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"18\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eTwo Sizes Available:\u003c\/b\u003e 11 oz (9.6 cm height) or 15 oz (11.9 cm height).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"18,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003ePremium Build:\u003c\/b\u003e High quality white ceramic that is lead and BPA free.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"18,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eBuilt for the Grind:\u003c\/b\u003e Dishwasher and microwave safe.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"18,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eLocal Fulfilment:\u003c\/b\u003e We print and ship locally in whatever country you are in to ensure fast delivery and a lower carbon footprint.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"18,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eFree Global Shipping:\u003c\/b\u003e Sir Cucumber Dog has authorised \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"54\"\u003eFree UK and US Shipping\u003c\/b\u003e on all orders.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"19\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"20\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"20\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Colonial Translation\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"21\"\u003e\u003ci data-path-to-node=\"21\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e(For our friends across the pond who struggle with extra vowels)\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"22\"\u003eIf you are looking for a funny \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"22\" data-index-in-node=\"31\"\u003ecolor\u003c\/b\u003e mug to \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"22\" data-index-in-node=\"44\"\u003ehonor\u003c\/b\u003e your \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"22\" data-index-in-node=\"55\"\u003efavorite\u003c\/b\u003e coworker, this is the one. Whether they work in an office or a \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"22\" data-index-in-node=\"127\"\u003ecenter\u003c\/b\u003e for excellence, this \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"22\" data-index-in-node=\"155\"\u003elabeled\u003c\/b\u003e vessel is the perfect \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"22\" data-index-in-node=\"185\"\u003edefense\u003c\/b\u003e against a busy schedule.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude \u0026 Funny Mugs, Tees, Door Mats \u0026 Gifts","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":52791409181014,"sku":"4890941_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":52791409213782,"sku":"4890941_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/busier_than_a_cucumber_in_a_woman_s_prison_funny_rude_Cucumber_Dog_mug.jpg?v=1777195749"},{"product_id":"best-thing-that-ever-leaked-funny-fathers-day-mug","title":"The Ultimate Biological Flex: The Best Leaked Thing Mug","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eForget sentimental cards and heartfelt speeches. If you really want to thank your parents for your existence, you need to acknowledge the specific biological plumbing that made it possible. Sir Cucumber Dog has personally vetted this design for its combination of scientific accuracy and extreme social awkwardness.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003eThis mug is a crowning achievement for the favourite child who wants to remind their parents exactly how lucky they are that this specific \"leak\" worked out so well.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"8\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWhy This Mug is a Masterpiece of Reproductive Humour\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003eSet against a deep black glossy finish, the vibrant doodles and brutal honesty create a gift that is impossible to ignore.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Brutal Truth:\u003c\/b\u003e A daily reminder that you are the premium byproduct of a very specific moment in time.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDoodle Aesthetic:\u003c\/b\u003e The playful icons like the dripping tap and the treasure chest add a touch of whimsy to a deeply inappropriate sentiment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Favourite Child Trophy:\u003c\/b\u003e Ideal for the sibling who wants to assert dominance during the morning coffee run.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eElite Branding:\u003c\/b\u003e Features the high end quality expected from the Cucumber Dog empire.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"15\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eTechnical Specifications for the Miracle Product\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16\"\u003eWhether you are drinking away the shame or celebrating your status as the best leak ever, we have the size for you:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"17\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e11 oz Mug:\u003c\/b\u003e Measures 3.8 inches (9.6 cm) in height and 3.2 inches (8.2 cm) in diameter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e15 oz Mug:\u003c\/b\u003e Measures 4.7 inches (11.9 cm) in height and 3.3 inches (8.5 cm) in diameter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003ePremium Build:\u003c\/b\u003e Made from high quality black ceramic that is lead and BPA free.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDurability:\u003c\/b\u003e Dishwasher and microwave safe. Built to survive the heat of a parental argument.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eFree UK Shipping:\u003c\/b\u003e Sir Cucumber Dog has graciously covered the postage. We will get this biological tribute to your door with zero extra faff.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003ePicture the look on his face when he unwraps this. Whether it’s a funny Father’s Day gift, a birthday surprise, or just you choosing chaos on a random Tuesday, this mug delivers.\u003cbr\u003eFree UK shipping on all orders (yes, really). Each mug is made to order, so please allow a few extra days for printing and dispatch.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThis funny rude dad mug is the perfect novelty gift in the UK for anyone who loves sarcastic humour, inappropriate jokes, and bold designs that stand out from the usual boring presents.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude \u0026 Funny Mugs, Tees, Door Mats \u0026 Gifts","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":53011906756950,"sku":"7561814_9323","price":18.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":53011906789718,"sku":"7561814_9324","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/black-glossy-mug-black-11-oz-handle-on-right-69ce39fc0f860.jpg?v=1776354236"},{"product_id":"dear-dad-thanks-for-not-wiping-me-on-a-sock-funny-white-mug","title":"Dear Dad Thanks For Not Wiping Me On A Sock | Funny White Mug","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003eGive your dad the recognition he truly deserves with this hilariously blunt coffee mug. Featuring a whimsical, hand-drawn design that reads \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"1\" data-index-in-node=\"140\"\u003e\"Dear Dad, Thanks for not wiping me on a sock,\"\u003c\/b\u003e this is the ultimate gift for the parent who appreciates crude humour over sentimental fluff.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"2\"\u003eDecorated with a \"Best Child\" award ribbon, playful hearts, and stars, it is a cheeky way to remind him that you are, undoubtedly, his greatest achievement.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"4\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWhy This Is the Ultimate Gift for Dad\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eBrutally Honest Humour\u003c\/b\u003e This novelty mug is designed for those who want to skip the clichés and go straight for the belly laugh. It is the perfect compliment for a dad with a sharp wit and a healthy sense of perspective.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eVibrant Hand-Drawn Design\u003c\/b\u003e The crisp white ceramic provides a professional background that makes the multicoloured illustrations and bold typography pop. The high-definition print ensures the \"Best Child\" medal and illustrated sock look sharp from every angle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"7\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSuperior Durability\u003c\/b\u003e Whether he is a coffee addict or a tea lover, this kitchenware is built for the daily grind. The design is engineered to stay perfect through hundreds of cycles, making it a long-lasting staple in his cupboard.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eProduct Features \u0026amp; Safety\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eTwo Size Options:\u003c\/b\u003e Choose the standard \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"38\"\u003e11oz\u003c\/b\u003e for a classic brew or the generous \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"78\"\u003e15oz size\u003c\/b\u003e for those mornings when he needs extra caffeine to deal with his \"favourite\" child.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eMaximum Safety:\u003c\/b\u003e Sip with confidence. This mug is crafted from \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"62\"\u003eBPA-free and lead-free\u003c\/b\u003e materials.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eConvenience as Standard:\u003c\/b\u003e Fully dishwasher and microwave safe for easy cleaning and reheating.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eProduct Specifications\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e 100% White Glossy Ceramic\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e11oz Dimensions:\u003c\/b\u003e 9.6 cm height, 8.2 cm diameter\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e15oz Dimensions:\u003c\/b\u003e 12 cm height, 8.5 cm diameter\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSafety Standards:\u003c\/b\u003e Lead and BPA-free\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eCare:\u003c\/b\u003e Safe for use in microwaves and dishwashers\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"15\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWho Is It For?\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"16\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"16,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Fun Dad:\u003c\/b\u003e Perfect for Father’s Day, birthdays, or just because he has a great sense of humour.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"16,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe \"Hard to Buy For\" Parent:\u003c\/b\u003e A guaranteed conversation starter that stands out from the usual \"World's Best Dad\" tat.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"16,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Favourite Child:\u003c\/b\u003e A playful way to secure your spot as the top sibling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude \u0026 Funny Mugs, Tees, Door Mats \u0026 Gifts","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":53015385571670,"sku":"4579249_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":53015385604438,"sku":"4579249_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/Dear_Dad_thanks_for_not_wiping_me_on_a_sock_funny_mug_cucumber_dog.jpg?v=1777108322"},{"product_id":"sometimes-i-lick-the-spoon-mug-funny-rude-gag-gift","title":"Sometimes I Lick The Spoon Mug | Funny Rude Gag Gift","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIf you have ever licked the spoon and popped it right back in the drawer, this mug was made for your naughty soul. This is the ultimate tribute to those who live by the \"five-second rule\" and treat kitchen hygiene like a polite suggestion rather than a requirement.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003e \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"1\" data-index-in-node=\"270\"\u003eVisual Description: High-Energy Design for the Kitchen Rebel\u003c\/b\u003e\n\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"2\"\u003eThis isn't your standard, boring kitchenware. The design features high-impact, colourful typography that screams \"unapologetic.\" Set against a crisp white ceramic base, the bold lettering is accented by a cheeky winking emoji, making it clear that while your habits might be questionable, your sense of humour is top-tier. The vibrant palette uses our signature bold tones to ensure this mug stands out on any desk or kitchen counter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"3\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWhy You Need This Mug\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eWhether you are sipping your morning tea or a late-night hot chocolate, this mug celebrates the small, slightly disgusting victories of life. It is the kind of gag gift that gets a \"Me too!\" followed by a \"Wait, you actually do that?\" It’s high-energy, colourful, and a bit wrong—exactly how your morning brew should be. It captures a specific brand of British cheekiness and turns it into your new favourite conversation starter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eProduct Highlights \u0026amp; Features\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eTwo Sizes for Every Habit:\u003c\/b\u003e Available in a standard 11oz or a generous 15oz for those who need a larger dose of caffeine to fuel their mischief.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eVibrant, Professional Finish:\u003c\/b\u003e Expertly printed to ensure the bold colours and winking emoji stay crisp and bright, even after a trip through the dishwasher.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDurable Ceramic Build:\u003c\/b\u003e Designed to survive the daily grind, from the office kitchen to the breakfast table.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDishwasher \u0026amp; Microwave Safe:\u003c\/b\u003e Completely practical for daily use and low-effort maintenance after your \"naughty\" tea break.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eStand-Alone Quality:\u003c\/b\u003e Every mug is crafted with a focus on premium materials and high-definition print clarity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"7\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWho Is It For?\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"8,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe \"Secret\" Baker:\u003c\/b\u003e For the person who definitely tastes the batter and \"cleans\" the whisk with their tongue.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"8,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Office Rebel:\u003c\/b\u003e Perfect for the colleague who wants to make everyone a little bit uncomfortable during the Monday morning meeting.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"8,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe \"Hard to Buy For\" Friend:\u003c\/b\u003e A hilarious, inappropriate gift for birthdays, Secret Santa, or housewarmings.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude \u0026 Funny Mugs, Tees, Door Mats \u0026 Gifts","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":53087665979734,"sku":"6980718_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":53087666012502,"sku":"6980718_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/sometimes_i_lick_the_spoon_and_put_it_back_to_feel_naughty_mug_Cucumber_Dog.jpg?v=1777036858"},{"product_id":"i-did-debbie-in-dallas-mug-funny-retro-sarcastic-gift","title":"I Did Debbie in Dallas Mug | Funny Retro Sarcastic Gift","description":"\u003cdiv style=\"font-family: sans-serif; color: #1a1a1a; background-color: #fafdf5; padding: 20px; border: 1px solid #d4eec7; border-radius: 8px;\"\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\"One can only assume the HR department is already drafting your warning letter,\" notes Sir Cucumber Dog, polishing his cucumber monocle.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eReady for a retro gift that packs a punchline? This naughty \"I Did Debbie in Dallas\" mug is the ultimate conversation starter for anyone with a wicked sense of humour. Designed for those who appreciate a cheeky wink at 1978 pop culture, this funny retro mug is guaranteed to cause a stir during the morning meeting.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eA Bold Dose of Nostalgia (and Judgement)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhether you are sipping morning coffee or a cheeky afternoon tea, this mug brings a splash of 70s swagger to your desk. The vibrant, full-wrap illustration features a winking cheerleader and the iconic Dallas skyline, complete with the playful disclaimer: \"It is not what you think!\" Sir Cucumber Dog assures you, it is exactly what they think. It is the perfect inappropriate gift for a friend or a legendary work Secret Santa present.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eThe Chief Judgement Officer's Specifications\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003ePremium White Ceramic:\u003c\/b\u003e Crafted for a sturdy feel, capable of surviving the dishwasher after you hastily hide it from the boss.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e11oz Dimensions:\u003c\/b\u003e Measures 9.6 cm in height and 8.2 cm in diameter.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e15oz Dimensions:\u003c\/b\u003e Measures 11.9 cm in height and 8.5 cm in diameter (for those who need more caffeine to handle the judgement).\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eModern Durability:\u003c\/b\u003e Fully safe for use in the microwave and dishwasher. Entirely free from lead and BPA.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003eFunny gifts for him or her for milestone birthdays.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003eA legendary office prank that will not be forgotten anytime soon.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnyone who loves 1970s nostalgia and rude adult humour.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eDelivery Information\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFree UK shipping is included on all orders. Because we use premium print-on-demand technology, each piece is crafted to order specifically for you. Please allow a few extra days for us to print your design and get it dispatched directly to your door!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude \u0026 Funny Mugs, Tees, Door Mats \u0026 Gifts","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":53091844522326,"sku":"5213761_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":53091844555094,"sku":"5213761_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/Tilted_white_ceramic_mug_on_a_light_beige_surface_featuring_a_retro_Dallas_cheerleader_illustration_and_the_funny_quote_I_DID_DEBBIE_IN_DALLAS_Cucumber_Dog.png?v=1776351987"},{"product_id":"the-im-a-wet-fart-mug","title":"The Ultimate Badge of Mediocrity: The \"Wet Fart\" Edition Mug","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003eIt is a rare thing for a human to possess the self-awareness to admit they are an absolute damp squib. While Sir Cucumber Dog generally expects perfection, he finds this level of brutal honesty almost tolerable. This mug is the ultimate badge of honour for those days when you are definitely not \"crushing it.\" In fact, you are not even making a dent.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"2\"\u003ePart of our \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"2\" data-index-in-node=\"12\"\u003eHome Chaos\u003c\/b\u003e collection, this design features a high end \"Cucumber cream\" label wrap, framed by detailed \"Cucumber green\" borders and an intricate ornate divider. The phrase \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"2\" data-index-in-node=\"184\"\u003e\"I’M THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF A WET FART\"\u003c\/b\u003e is rendered in bold, vintage-inspired typography, perfectly balanced by the sophisticated subtitle: \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"2\" data-index-in-node=\"325\"\u003e\"EDITION OF ONE.\"\u003c\/b\u003e It is a juxtaposition of refined, aristocratic aesthetics and the kind of low-brow humour that makes the Chairman tilt his head in silent judgement.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"4\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eQuality for the Walking Anticlimax\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eSir Cucumber Dog refuses to put his name on anything flimsy. Even if you feel like a disappointment, your mug should not be one.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDouble Sided Authority:\u003c\/b\u003e The design is printed on both sides, ensuring your lack of potential is visible to everyone in the room, whether you are a leftie or a rightie.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eProfessional Grade Finish:\u003c\/b\u003e Expertly crafted to ensure the Cucumber green and cream colours remain sharp, vibrant, and entirely resistant to fading.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eStrategic Lowered Expectations:\u003c\/b\u003e Carry this into a meeting to ensure nobody asks you for anything important. It is a brilliant tool for avoiding responsibility.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eLow Maintenance:\u003c\/b\u003e Fully dishwasher and microwave safe. Because let us be honest, you likely do not have the energy for hand-washing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"8\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eTechnical Specifications for the Self-Aware\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003eWhether you need a standard cup of tea to survive the morning or a massive bucket of coffee to pretend you are functional, we have the size for you:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e11 oz Mug:\u003c\/b\u003e Measures 9.6 cm height and 8.2 cm diameter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e15 oz Mug:\u003c\/b\u003e Measures 11.9 cm height and 8.5 cm diameter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSuperior Ceramic:\u003c\/b\u003e A robust, high-gloss white ceramic build that is lead and BPA free.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eLocal Fulfilment:\u003c\/b\u003e To ensure your badge of mediocrity arrives swiftly, we print and ship locally in whatever country you are in. This reduces the carbon footprint and ensures the Chairman’s designs reach you without unnecessary international delays.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eGlobal Logistics:\u003c\/b\u003e Sir Cucumber Dog has authorised \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"50\"\u003eFree UK and US Shipping\u003c\/b\u003e on all orders. No hidden fees at checkout.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eColonial Translation\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\u003ci data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e(For our friends across the pond who struggle with extra vowels)\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003eIf you want to \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"15\"\u003ehonor\u003c\/b\u003e your \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"26\"\u003efavorite\u003c\/b\u003e mediocre friend with a high \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"63\"\u003ecolor\u003c\/b\u003e gift, this \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"80\"\u003elabeled\u003c\/b\u003e vessel is the \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"102\"\u003ecenter\u003c\/b\u003e of our collection. It is a great \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"142\"\u003edefense\u003c\/b\u003e against high expectations and acts as a \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"190\"\u003etheater\u003c\/b\u003e piece for your daily failure. This \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"233\"\u003eprogram\u003c\/b\u003e of self-deprecation is sure to be a hit in any \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"288\"\u003eneighborhood\u003c\/b\u003e or office breakroom.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude \u0026 Funny Mugs, Tees, Door Mats \u0026 Gifts","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":53114479509846,"sku":"9331373_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":53114479542614,"sku":"9331373_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/Funny_white_ceramic_mug_tilted_featuring_a_beige_label_with_the_rude_quote_I_m_the_human_equivalent_of_a_wet_fart..png?v=1776351308"},{"product_id":"youre-not-aging-well-funny-mug","title":"\"You're Not Aging Well\" Funny Birthday Mug | Sir Cucumber Dog","description":"\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eA Definitive Audit of Your Cellular Decay\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003eSir Cucumber Dog has observed your attempts to celebrate another trip around the sun, and frankly, he finds the enthusiasm misplaced. While humans enjoy \"celebrating\" their milestones, the Chairman prefers to focus on the cold, hard data: and the data suggests you have seen better days.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003eThis premium ceramic vessel is the perfect way to deliver a dose of reality with your morning tea. Featuring the blunt, unapologetic decree: \"YOU'RE NOT AGEING LIKE A FINE WINE. YOU'RE AGEING LIKE SOUR MILK. SOUR AND NOT NICE TO LOOK AT.\" It serves as a sophisticated insult for friends, family, or colleagues who are starting to look a bit \"vintage.\" Sir Cucumber Dog appears in his signature cucumber-print suit, looking on through his monocle with a mixture of pity and aristocratic boredom at your dwindling youth.\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"16\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"16\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWhy You Absolutely Require This Vessel\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"17\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Anti-Birthday Gift:\u003c\/b\u003e Perfect for the person who hates birthdays, or for the friend you love to irritate. It is the gift that keeps on taking.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eHigh-Society Sarcasm:\u003c\/b\u003e Most \"getting older\" mugs are tacky. This one is posh, using the \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"87\"\u003eCucumber green\u003c\/b\u003e and yellow palette to make the insult look like a formal announcement.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003ePremium Quality Build:\u003c\/b\u003e Crafted from high-gloss white ceramic, ensuring the Chairman’s scowl and your grim prognosis remain sharp through every use.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eBuilt to Last (Unlike You):\u003c\/b\u003e Dishwasher and microwave safe. The print is high-definition and designed to resist fading: unlike your hairline or your general stamina.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"18\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"8\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eTechnical Specifications for the Expiring\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003eWhether you need extra caffeine to cope with your advancing years or a massive bucket of tea to drown your sorrows, we have the size for you:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e11 oz Mug:\u003c\/b\u003e Measures 9.6 cm height and 8.2 cm diameter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e15 oz Mug:\u003c\/b\u003e Measures 11.9 cm height and 8.5 cm diameter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eQuality Materials:\u003c\/b\u003e 100% glossy white ceramic with a vibrant, long lasting print.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSafety First:\u003c\/b\u003e Entirely lead and BPA free. We care about your physical health, even if the Chairman has already written you off.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eLocal Fulfilment:\u003c\/b\u003e To ensure your reminder of mortality arrives swiftly, we print and ship locally in whatever country you are in. This reduces the carbon footprint and ensures Sir Cucumber Dog’s judgement reaches you without unnecessary international delays.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,5,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,5,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eGlobal Logistics:\u003c\/b\u003e Sir Cucumber Dog has authorised \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,5,0\" data-index-in-node=\"50\"\u003eFree UK and US Shipping\u003c\/b\u003e on all orders.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eColonial Translation\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\u003ci data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e(For our friends across the pond who struggle with extra vowels)\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003eIf you want to \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"15\"\u003ehonor\u003c\/b\u003e your \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"26\"\u003efavorite\u003c\/b\u003e aging friend with a high \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"60\"\u003ecolor\u003c\/b\u003e gift that mocks their \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"88\"\u003ebehavior\u003c\/b\u003e, this is the \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"110\"\u003ecenter\u003c\/b\u003e of any birthday celebration. It is a great \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"160\"\u003edefense\u003c\/b\u003e against sentimentality and acts as a \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"205\"\u003etheater\u003c\/b\u003e piece for your dwindling youth. This \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"250\"\u003eprogram\u003c\/b\u003e of cellular decay is sure to be a \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"292\"\u003elabeled\u003c\/b\u003e success in any \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"315\"\u003eneighborhood\u003c\/b\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude \u0026 Funny Mugs, Tees, Door Mats \u0026 Gifts","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":53198220919126,"sku":"5676681_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":53198220951894,"sku":"5676681_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/You_re_not_ageing_like_a_fine_funny_birthday_cucumber_dog_mug.jpg?v=1777037775"},{"product_id":"still-utterly-useless-birthday-mug-sir-cucumber-dog","title":"\"Still Utterly Useless\" Birthday Mug | Sir Cucumber Dog","description":"\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eAn Annual Audit of Your Personal Failure\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003eSir Cucumber Dog has reviewed your performance over the last 365 days, and the results are predictably dismal. While others might offer platitudes about \"getting better with age,\" the Chairman prefers to focus on the reality of your situation: you have successfully aged without becoming any more useful to the world at large.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003eThis premium ceramic vessel is the most sophisticated way to acknowledge a friend or family member's total lack of progress. Featuring the biting decree: \"ANOTHER YEAR... STILL UTTERLY USELESS.\", it is the perfect gift for birthdays, work anniversaries, or any milestone where honesty is preferred over politeness. Sir Cucumber Dog looks on from his Cucumber cream background, his monocle firmly in place as he judges your stagnant lifestyle.\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"16\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"17\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWhy You Absolutely Require This Vessel\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"18\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eElite British Sarcasm:\u003c\/b\u003e Most \"getting older\" mugs are tacky. This one is posh, using our signature Cucumber green and vibrant yellow to make the insult look like an official announcement.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"18,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Anti-Birthday Gift:\u003c\/b\u003e Perfect for the person who hates the fuss of birthdays, or for the sibling you love to remind of their place in the family hierarchy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"18,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eHigh-End Aesthetic:\u003c\/b\u003e Sir Cucumber Dog is rendered in his meticulously tailored cucumber-print suit, ensuring that even a devastating insult looks remarkably premium.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"18,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eBuilt to Outlast Your Youth:\u003c\/b\u003e Dishwasher and microwave safe. The Chairman’s judgmental scowl and your grim prognosis are engineered to resist fading.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"19\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"20\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"20\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eTechnical Specifications for the Discerning\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"21\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"21,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"21,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003ePremium Material:\u003c\/b\u003e 100% High-Gloss Ceramic.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"21,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"21,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSize Options:\u003c\/b\u003e Available in standard 11oz or a generous 15oz for those who need more volume to cope with their mediocrity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"21,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"21,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSafety First:\u003c\/b\u003e Entirely lead and BPA-free.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"21,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"21,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eCare Instructions:\u003c\/b\u003e Fully dishwasher and microwave safe for long-term use.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"21,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"21,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eBritish Standards:\u003c\/b\u003e Designed with a focus on British English and the biting sense of humour found only in the best UK households.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"16\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"16\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eColonial Translation\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17\"\u003e\u003ci data-path-to-node=\"17\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e(For our friends across the pond who struggle with extra vowels)\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"18\"\u003eIf you want to \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18\" data-index-in-node=\"15\"\u003ehonor\u003c\/b\u003e your \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18\" data-index-in-node=\"26\"\u003efavorite\u003c\/b\u003e person with a high \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18\" data-index-in-node=\"54\"\u003ecolor\u003c\/b\u003e gift that mocks their \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18\" data-index-in-node=\"82\"\u003ebehavior\u003c\/b\u003e, this is the \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18\" data-index-in-node=\"104\"\u003ecenter\u003c\/b\u003e of any birthday celebration. It is a great \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18\" data-index-in-node=\"154\"\u003edefense\u003c\/b\u003e against boring, sentimental gifts and provides much-needed \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18\" data-index-in-node=\"221\"\u003etheater\u003c\/b\u003e for the office. This \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18\" data-index-in-node=\"250\"\u003eprogram\u003c\/b\u003e of personal failure is sure to be a \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18\" data-index-in-node=\"294\"\u003elabeled\u003c\/b\u003e success in any \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18\" data-index-in-node=\"317\"\u003eneighborhood.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"18\" data-index-in-node=\"317\"\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n                                \u003cscript type=\"application\/ld+json\"\u003e\n{\n  \"@context\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/\",\n  \"@type\": \"Product\",\n  \"name\": \"Still Utterly Useless Birthday Mug\",\n  \"image\": [\n    \"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/images\/still-utterly-useless-mug.jpg\"\n  ],\n  \"description\": \"Celebrate another year of zero progress. The Still Utterly Useless birthday mug featuring Sir Cucumber Dog is a premium, funny ceramic cup perfect for roasting friends and coworkers who refuse to improve.\",\n  \"sku\": \"SCD-STILLUSELESS-MUG-001\",\n  \"brand\": {\n    \"@type\": \"Brand\",\n    \"name\": \"Sir Cucumber Dog\"\n  },\n  \"offers\": {\n    \"@type\": \"AggregateOffer\",\n    \"url\": \"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/products\/still-utterly-useless-birthday-mug-sir-cucumber-dog\",\n    \"priceCurrency\": \"GBP\",\n    \"lowPrice\": \"17.00\",\n    \"highPrice\": \"19.00\",\n    \"offerCount\": \"2\",\n    \"offers\": [\n      {\n        \"@type\": \"Offer\",\n        \"name\": \"11 oz Mug\",\n        \"priceCurrency\": \"GBP\",\n        \"price\": \"17.00\",\n        \"itemCondition\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/NewCondition\",\n        \"availability\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/InStock\"\n      },\n      {\n        \"@type\": \"Offer\",\n        \"name\": \"15 oz Mug\",\n        \"priceCurrency\": \"GBP\",\n        \"price\": \"19.00\",\n        \"itemCondition\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/NewCondition\",\n        \"availability\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/InStock\"\n      }\n    ],\n    \"shippingDetails\": {\n      \"@type\": \"OfferShippingDetails\",\n      \"shippingRate\": {\n        \"@type\": \"MonetaryAmount\",\n        \"value\": \"0.00\",\n        \"currency\": \"GBP\"\n      },\n      \"deliveryTime\": {\n        \"@type\": \"ShippingDeliveryTime\",\n        \"handlingTime\": {\n          \"@type\": \"QuantitativeValue\",\n          \"minValue\": 1,\n          \"maxValue\": 3,\n          \"unitCode\": \"d\"\n        },\n        \"transitTime\": {\n          \"@type\": \"QuantitativeValue\",\n          \"minValue\": 2,\n          \"maxValue\": 5,\n          \"unitCode\": \"d\"\n        }\n      }\n    }\n  }\n}\n\u003c\/script\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude \u0026 Funny Mugs, Tees, Door Mats \u0026 Gifts","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":53199796175190,"sku":"4353375_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":53199796207958,"sku":"4353375_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/Another_year_still_utterly_useless_funny_birthday_Cucumber_Dog_Mug.jpg?v=1777037513"},{"product_id":"promoted-beyond-your-competence-office-mug-sir-cucumber-dog","title":"The Accidental Promotion Mug: A Celebration of Incompetence","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003eThe career ladder is a treacherous thing. Some people climb it with grace, while others simply trip on the bottom rung and find themselves accidentally propelled into management. If you or a colleague have successfully risen to the absolute peak of your inability, this is the commemorative ceramic you deserve.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"2\"\u003eBased on the legendary Peter Principle, this design is a stunning monument to corporate failure. It is the perfect gift for the newly promoted boss who has no idea what they are doing, or for the seasoned veteran who has been winging it since 1994.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"4\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWhy This Mug is a Masterclass in Career Satire\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eFeaturing Sir Cucumber Dog in his most regal and disappointed state, this mug brings a touch of high end disdain to every meeting. Set within an ornate gold frame, the Chairman observes your inevitable downfall with the quiet patience of a pug who knows you are just one spreadsheet away from a total meltdown.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Peter Principle in Ceramic:\u003c\/b\u003e A daily reminder that you have finally reached the level where you are no longer useful. It is a liberating realization.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eImperial Aesthetics:\u003c\/b\u003e Sir Cucumber Dog is featured in his bespoke cucumber print suit and monocle, providing a much needed anchor of sophistication for your messy desk.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Strategic Gift:\u003c\/b\u003e Ideal for Secret Santa, office leaving dos, or simply as a \"Congratulations\" to the person who just failed upwards.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eFree UK Shipping:\u003c\/b\u003e Sir Cucumber Dog has graciously covered the delivery cost. We will get this tribute to your incompetence to your doorstep without any unnecessary faff.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"11\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eTechnical Specifications for the Overwhelmed Manager\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003eWhether you need a standard cup of tea to calm your nerves or a massive bucket of coffee to pretend you are productive, we have the size for you:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e11 oz Mug:\u003c\/b\u003e Measures 3.8 inches (9.6 cm) in height and 3.2 inches (8.2 cm) in diameter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e15 oz Mug:\u003c\/b\u003e Measures 4.7 inches (11.9 cm) in height and 3.3 inches (8.5 cm) in diameter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eElite Quality:\u003c\/b\u003e Made from high quality white ceramic that is lead and BPA free.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDurability:\u003c\/b\u003e Fully dishwasher and microwave safe. It is built to last longer than your current job security.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThoughtful Production:\u003c\/b\u003e Every mug is printed on demand. This reduces waste and ensures we aren't overproducing items that the Chairman would only have to judge later.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eColonial Translation\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\u003ci data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e(For our friends across the pond who struggle with extra vowels)\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003eIf you are looking for a funny \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"31\"\u003ecolor\u003c\/b\u003e mug to \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"44\"\u003ehonor\u003c\/b\u003e your \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"55\"\u003efavorite\u003c\/b\u003e boss, this is the \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"82\"\u003ecenter\u003c\/b\u003e of any office gift exchange. It is a great \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"132\"\u003edefense\u003c\/b\u003e against corporate boredom and acts as a \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"180\"\u003etheater\u003c\/b\u003e piece for your daily grind. This \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"221\"\u003eprogram\u003c\/b\u003e of management failure is sure to be a \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"267\"\u003elabeled\u003c\/b\u003e success in any office or \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"300\"\u003eneighborhood\u003c\/b\u003e breakroom.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\n                                \u003cscript type=\"application\/ld+json\"\u003e\n{\n  \"@context\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/\",\n  \"@type\": \"Product\",\n  \"name\": \"Promoted Beyond Your Competence Office Mug\",\n  \"image\": [\n    \"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/images\/promoted-beyond-your-competence-mug.jpg\"\n  ],\n  \"description\": \"Call out corporate ineptitude with the Promoted Beyond Your Competence office mug. A funny, premium ceramic cup featuring Sir Cucumber Dog, perfect for that one manager who has no idea what they are doing.\",\n  \"sku\": \"SCD-INCOMPETENCE-MUG-001\",\n  \"brand\": {\n    \"@type\": \"Brand\",\n    \"name\": \"Sir Cucumber Dog\"\n  },\n  \"offers\": {\n    \"@type\": \"AggregateOffer\",\n    \"url\": \"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/products\/promoted-beyond-your-competence-office-mug-sir-cucumber-dog\",\n    \"priceCurrency\": \"GBP\",\n    \"lowPrice\": \"17.00\",\n    \"highPrice\": \"19.00\",\n    \"offerCount\": \"2\",\n    \"offers\": [\n      {\n        \"@type\": \"Offer\",\n        \"name\": \"11 oz Mug\",\n        \"priceCurrency\": \"GBP\",\n        \"price\": \"17.00\",\n        \"itemCondition\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/NewCondition\",\n        \"availability\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/InStock\"\n      },\n      {\n        \"@type\": \"Offer\",\n        \"name\": \"15 oz Mug\",\n        \"priceCurrency\": \"GBP\",\n        \"price\": \"19.00\",\n        \"itemCondition\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/NewCondition\",\n        \"availability\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/InStock\"\n      }\n    ],\n    \"shippingDetails\": {\n      \"@type\": \"OfferShippingDetails\",\n      \"shippingRate\": {\n        \"@type\": \"MonetaryAmount\",\n        \"value\": \"0.00\",\n        \"currency\": \"GBP\"\n      },\n      \"deliveryTime\": {\n        \"@type\": \"ShippingDeliveryTime\",\n        \"handlingTime\": {\n          \"@type\": \"QuantitativeValue\",\n          \"minValue\": 1,\n          \"maxValue\": 3,\n          \"unitCode\": \"d\"\n        },\n        \"transitTime\": {\n          \"@type\": \"QuantitativeValue\",\n          \"minValue\": 2,\n          \"maxValue\": 5,\n          \"unitCode\": \"d\"\n        }\n      }\n    }\n  }\n}\n\u003c\/script\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude \u0026 Funny Mugs, Tees, Door Mats \u0026 Gifts","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":53200790978902,"sku":"7548610_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":53200791011670,"sku":"7548610_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/A_sarcastic_promotion_mug_Cucumber_Dog_mug_with_the_text_reads_YOU_HAVE_BEEN_PROMOTED_BEYOND_YOUR_LEVEL_OF_COMPETENCE_followed_by_CONGRATULATIONS_ON_THE_ACCIDENT.jpg?v=1777037414"},{"product_id":"i-fart-in-lifts-funny-rude-mug","title":"The I Fart In Lifts Ceramic Mug: A Masterclass in Social Distancing","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003eThere are few things as quintessentially British as standing in a confined metal box with strangers and maintaining absolute silence. Sir Cucumber Dog believes that if you are going to break that silence, you should do it with a level of biological warfare that ensures you never have to share a lift again. This mug is for the individual who treats a three floor journey as a prime opportunity for atmospheric disruption.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"2\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"3\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWhy This Mug is a Triumph of Social Sabotage\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eFeaturing a candid illustration of a gentleman in a state of high pressure panic, this design captures the exact moment a quiet commute becomes a memorable event. Set against a deep forest green background, the bold cream text leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Ultimate Warning Label:\u003c\/b\u003e It is the perfect office accessory for the person who simply cannot be trusted in small spaces.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eElite Branding:\u003c\/b\u003e While the subject matter is, quite literally, gas, the quality is undeniably premium. Every mug features the underlying judgement of the Cucumber Dog empire.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eTactical Honesty:\u003c\/b\u003e Stop hiding your biological reality. Wear your flaws on your drink ware and watch as your colleagues suddenly decide to take the stairs.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eFree UK Shipping:\u003c\/b\u003e Sir Cucumber Dog has graciously decided that the air in the delivery van should remain fresh for as long as possible. We will get this to your door with zero extra faff.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eTechnical Specifications for the Frequent Flyer\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003eWhether you need a small caffeine hit to fuel your next floor jump or a massive bucket of tea for the long ride to the penthouse, we have the size for you:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e11 oz Mug:\u003c\/b\u003e Measures 3.8 inches (9.6 cm) in height and 3.2 inches (8.2 cm) in diameter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e15 oz Mug:\u003c\/b\u003e Measures 4.7 inches (11.9 cm) in height and 3.3 inches (8.5 cm) in diameter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eQuality Build:\u003c\/b\u003e Made from high quality white ceramic that is lead and BPA free.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDurability:\u003c\/b\u003e Dishwasher and microwave safe. It is built to survive the heat, unlike the passengers in your lift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eZero Waste Production:\u003c\/b\u003e Every mug is printed on demand to reduce overproduction. It is a thoughtful approach to a very thoughtless design.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"11\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eColonial Translation\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003e\u003ci data-path-to-node=\"12\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e(For our friends across the pond who struggle with extra vowels)\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003eIf you want to \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"15\"\u003ehonor\u003c\/b\u003e your \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"26\"\u003efavorite\u003c\/b\u003e prankster with a high \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"57\"\u003ecolor\u003c\/b\u003e gift, this \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"74\"\u003eelevator\u003c\/b\u003e joke is the \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"95\"\u003ecenter\u003c\/b\u003e of any conversation. It is a great \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"137\"\u003edefense\u003c\/b\u003e against awkward silences and acts as a \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"184\"\u003etheater\u003c\/b\u003e piece for your daily commute. This \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"227\"\u003eprogram\u003c\/b\u003e of flatulence is sure to be a \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"265\"\u003elabeled\u003c\/b\u003e success in any office or \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"298\"\u003eneighborhood\u003c\/b\u003e breakroom.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n                                \u003cscript type=\"application\/ld+json\"\u003e\n{\n  \"@context\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/\",\n  \"@type\": \"Product\",\n  \"name\": \"I Fart In Lifts Funny Rude Mug\",\n  \"image\": [\n    \"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/images\/i-fart-in-lifts-mug.jpg\"\n  ],\n  \"description\": \"Clear the room with the I Fart In Lifts funny rude mug. A premium ceramic cup featuring Sir Cucumber Dog, perfect for office banter and those who appreciate unapologetic toilet humour.\",\n  \"sku\": \"SCD-FARTLIFT-MUG-001\",\n  \"brand\": {\n    \"@type\": \"Brand\",\n    \"name\": \"Sir Cucumber Dog\"\n  },\n  \"offers\": {\n    \"@type\": \"AggregateOffer\",\n    \"url\": \"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/products\/i-fart-in-lifts-funny-rude-mug\",\n    \"priceCurrency\": \"GBP\",\n    \"lowPrice\": \"17.00\",\n    \"highPrice\": \"19.00\",\n    \"offerCount\": \"2\",\n    \"offers\": [\n      {\n        \"@type\": \"Offer\",\n        \"name\": \"11 oz Mug\",\n        \"priceCurrency\": \"GBP\",\n        \"price\": \"17.00\",\n        \"itemCondition\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/NewCondition\",\n        \"availability\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/InStock\"\n      },\n      {\n        \"@type\": \"Offer\",\n        \"name\": \"15 oz Mug\",\n        \"priceCurrency\": \"GBP\",\n        \"price\": \"19.00\",\n        \"itemCondition\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/NewCondition\",\n        \"availability\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/InStock\"\n      }\n    ],\n    \"shippingDetails\": {\n      \"@type\": \"OfferShippingDetails\",\n      \"shippingRate\": {\n        \"@type\": \"MonetaryAmount\",\n        \"value\": \"0.00\",\n        \"currency\": \"GBP\"\n      },\n      \"deliveryTime\": {\n        \"@type\": \"ShippingDeliveryTime\",\n        \"handlingTime\": {\n          \"@type\": \"QuantitativeValue\",\n          \"minValue\": 1,\n          \"maxValue\": 3,\n          \"unitCode\": \"d\"\n        },\n        \"transitTime\": {\n          \"@type\": \"QuantitativeValue\",\n          \"minValue\": 2,\n          \"maxValue\": 5,\n          \"unitCode\": \"d\"\n        }\n      }\n    }\n  }\n}\n\u003c\/script\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude \u0026 Funny Mugs, Tees, Door Mats \u0026 Gifts","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":53256128823638,"sku":"2214021_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":53256128856406,"sku":"2214021_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/I_Fart_In_Lifts_Funny_Cucumber_Dog_Mug.jpg?v=1777037107"},{"product_id":"kindly-pardon-my-arrogance-funny-mug","title":"Kindly Pardon My Arrogance Funny Mug | Sir Cucumber Dog","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003eIf you are searching for the best \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"1\" data-index-in-node=\"34\"\u003eoffensive pug mugs\u003c\/b\u003e, The Chairman is here to help. Sir Cucumber Dog firmly believes that honesty is the best policy. However, dealing with insufferable members of the general public requires tact. A touch of polite preamble makes the final verdict much sweeter. If a colleague requires a formal reality check, this ceramic vessel is perfect. It serves as the ultimate gavel of justice.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"2\"\u003ePresenting the Kindly Pardon My Arrogance mug. It is the absolute pinnacle of British insults. It is perfectly disguised as a sophisticated desktop accessory.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"3\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Anatomy of Formal Judgement\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eIn the modern era of gifting, we do not simply sell drinkware. We provide highly formal declarations of disdain. These \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"4\" data-index-in-node=\"119\"\u003eoffensive pug mugs\u003c\/b\u003e are for people who desperately need a reality check.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eExquisitely Offensive Artwork:\u003c\/b\u003e Features a stunning illustration of Sir Cucumber Dog holding court. He wears his signature cucumber green suit and yellow bow tie. He sits within an ornate wooden crest with decorative cucumbers. A gold seal delivers the final glorious verdict: TWAT!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDual Capacity Options:\u003c\/b\u003e Choose the standard 11 oz size for a swift insult over morning tea. Or select the substantial 15 oz vessel for a larger reality check.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003ePremium Ceramic Construction:\u003c\/b\u003e Built with a smooth and high quality ceramic finish. It withstands hot coffee and the shocked gasps of your HR department.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eEffortless Maintenance:\u003c\/b\u003e This mug is fully microwave and dishwasher safe. Washing a cup by hand after a flawless insult is entirely beneath your dignity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eBespoke Production:\u003c\/b\u003e Proudly printed to order using a high quality bespoke process. Your new vessel arrives completely free of vulgar warehouse dust.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"1\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWho is this offensive pug mug designed for?\u003c\/b\u003e This design is strictly for people with a dark sense of humour. It makes the perfect gift for dealing with highly annoying colleagues or friends.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"2\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"2\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eIs the swear word clearly visible on the cup?\u003c\/b\u003e Yes, it absolutely is. The word \"TWAT\" is proudly displayed within a gold seal. Please consider your workplace rules before using it openly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"3\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eIs the artwork safe to put in the microwave?\u003c\/b\u003e Yes, this premium ceramic vessel is completely microwave safe. It is also fully dishwasher safe for entirely effortless cleaning.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"4\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWhat colours are used in this specific design?\u003c\/b\u003e The artwork features rich wooden tones and gold accents. Sir Cucumber Dog wears his signature cucumber green suit and yellow bow tie.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\n\u003cscript type=\"application\/ld+json\"\u003e\n{\n  \"@context\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\",\n  \"@type\": \"FAQPage\",\n  \"mainEntity\": [\n    {\n      \"@type\": \"Question\",\n      \"name\": \"Who is this offensive pug mug designed for?\",\n      \"acceptedAnswer\": {\n        \"@type\": \"Answer\",\n        \"text\": \"This design is strictly for people with a dark sense of humour. It makes the perfect gift for dealing with highly annoying colleagues or friends.\"\n      }\n    },\n    {\n      \"@type\": \"Question\",\n      \"name\": \"Is the swear word clearly visible on the cup?\",\n      \"acceptedAnswer\": {\n        \"@type\": \"Answer\",\n        \"text\": \"Yes, it absolutely is. The word 'TWAT' is proudly displayed within a gold seal. Please consider your workplace rules before using it openly.\"\n      }\n    },\n    {\n      \"@type\": \"Question\",\n      \"name\": \"Is the artwork safe to put in the microwave?\",\n      \"acceptedAnswer\": {\n        \"@type\": \"Answer\",\n        \"text\": \"Yes, this premium ceramic vessel is completely microwave safe. It is also fully dishwasher safe for entirely effortless cleaning.\"\n      }\n    },\n    {\n      \"@type\": \"Question\",\n      \"name\": \"What colours are used in this specific design?\",\n      \"acceptedAnswer\": {\n        \"@type\": \"Answer\",\n        \"text\": \"The artwork features rich wooden tones and gold accents. Sir Cucumber Dog wears his signature cucumber green suit and yellow bow tie.\"\n      }\n    }\n  ]\n}\n\u003c\/script\u003e\n\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n  \u003cscript type=\"application\/ld+json\"\u003e\n{\n  \"@context\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/\",\n  \"@type\": \"Product\",\n  \"name\": \"Kindly Pardon My Arrogance Funny Mug\",\n  \"image\": [\n    \"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/images\/kindly-pardon-my-arrogance-mug.jpg\"\n  ],\n  \"description\": \"Deliver the ultimate insult with the Kindly Pardon My Arrogance mug. A premium, funny ceramic cup featuring Sir Cucumber Dog delivering a harsh verdict.\",\n  \"sku\": \"SCD-ARROGANCE-MUG-001\",\n  \"brand\": {\n    \"@type\": \"Brand\",\n    \"name\": \"Sir Cucumber Dog\"\n  },\n  \"offers\": {\n    \"@type\": \"AggregateOffer\",\n    \"url\": \"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/products\/kindly-pardon-my-arrogance-funny-mug?variant=53504457441622\",\n    \"priceCurrency\": \"GBP\",\n    \"lowPrice\": \"17.00\",\n    \"highPrice\": \"19.00\",\n    \"offerCount\": \"2\",\n    \"offers\": [\n      {\n        \"@type\": \"Offer\",\n        \"name\": \"11 oz Mug\",\n        \"priceCurrency\": \"GBP\",\n        \"price\": \"17.00\",\n        \"itemCondition\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/NewCondition\",\n        \"availability\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/InStock\"\n      },\n      {\n        \"@type\": \"Offer\",\n        \"name\": \"15 oz Mug\",\n        \"priceCurrency\": \"GBP\",\n        \"price\": \"19.00\",\n        \"itemCondition\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/NewCondition\",\n        \"availability\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\/InStock\"\n      }\n    ],\n    \"shippingDetails\": {\n      \"@type\": \"OfferShippingDetails\",\n      \"shippingRate\": {\n        \"@type\": \"MonetaryAmount\",\n        \"value\": \"0.00\",\n        \"currency\": \"GBP\"\n      },\n      \"deliveryTime\": {\n        \"@type\": \"ShippingDeliveryTime\",\n        \"handlingTime\": {\n          \"@type\": \"QuantitativeValue\",\n          \"minValue\": 1,\n          \"maxValue\": 3,\n          \"unitCode\": \"d\"\n        },\n        \"transitTime\": {\n          \"@type\": \"QuantitativeValue\",\n          \"minValue\": 2,\n          \"maxValue\": 5,\n          \"unitCode\": \"d\"\n        }\n      }\n    }\n  }\n}\n\u003c\/script\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":53504457441622,"sku":"6104341_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":53504457474390,"sku":"6104341_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/A_funny_graphic_on_a_ceramic_mug_featuring_Sir_Cucumber_Dog_inside_an_ornate_wooden_crest._Below_him_is_a_judge_s_gavel_and_a_gold_seal._Text_reads_KINDLY_PARDON_MY_ARROGANCE_BUT..._Y.jpg?v=1778159583"},{"product_id":"another-year-of-uselessness-interactive-birthday-mug-11oz-15oz","title":"Another Year of Uselessness Interactive Birthday Mug","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003eThe Chairman considers traditional birthday cards to be a spectacular waste of paper, money, and time. They are briefly acknowledged, read with feigned enthusiasm, and promptly binned. This premium interactive ceramic vessel replaces that fleeting tradition with a permanent daily reminder of your absolute disdain.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"2\"\u003ePresenting the \"Another Year of Uselessness\" interactive mug. It is not just a vessel for hot beverages; it is a permanent replacement for the greeting card, complete with a blank template on the back for your own bespoke insults.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003eThe Superior Alternative to Cardboard\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eWe do not just sell drinkware. We provide a sustainable, long term strategy for insulting your peers. Here is how this interactive piece of Cucumber cream and green merchandise elevates your gifting strategy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"5,0,0\"\u003eHumiliate them daily for years to come\u003c\/b\u003e with our premium, thick walled ceramic construction. It is infinitely more durable than a flimsy paper greeting card and built to outlast their fleeting willpower.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"5,1,0\"\u003eDeliver a bespoke, highly personal insult\u003c\/b\u003e using the \"Fill It In Yourself\" back panel. You can easily write in the recipient's name, your name, and a harsh message of criticism without ever stepping foot in a card shop.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"5,2,0\"\u003eEnjoy effortless maintenance\u003c\/b\u003e because the base mug print is 100% dishwasher and microwave safe, ensuring our core design will never peel or fade.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"5,3,0\"\u003eProject an aura of elite judgement\u003c\/b\u003e courtesy of the front graphic, featuring Sir Cucumber Dog in his signature green cucumber print suit and yellow bow tie, delivering a sharp \"Happy F*cking Birthday\" verdict.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003eExpert Insight: Navigating Sarcastic Gifting\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003eHow do you customise your interactive birthday mug permanently? If you simply want a temporary joke, any standard permanent marker will do. However, to ensure your handwritten message of criticism survives the dishwasher and haunts them forever, we highly recommend using a dedicated ceramic marker. Write your insults on the designated lines, let it dry, and bake the mug in the oven according to the pen manufacturer's instructions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003eThis is the definitive answer for anyone searching for a sarcastic birthday gift for a lazy coworker, a total nepotism baby, or an ex partner who still talks to you. It eliminates the need for sentimental drivel and allows you to address their trash vibe directly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":53695335956822,"sku":"8584671_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":53695335989590,"sku":"8584671_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/another-year-of-uselessness-interactive-birthday-mug_Sir_Cucumber_Dog.webp?v=1779197915"},{"product_id":"expected-you-to-die-doing-something-stupid-birthday-mug","title":"Expected You To Die Doing Something Stupid Funny Birthday Mug","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003eThe Chairman is genuinely astounded that certain members of your social circle have survived another trip around the sun. Given their complete lack of basic survival instincts and terrible decision making skills, reaching this age is less of a milestone and more of a statistical anomaly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"2\"\u003ePresenting the \"Expected You To Die Doing Something Stupid\" birthday mug. It is the perfect ceramic tribute to that one friend whose continued existence is a genuine medical mystery.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003eCelebrate Sheer Dumb Luck\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eWe refuse to offer basic, sentimental birthday greetings when absolute honesty is far more entertaining. This premium vessel provides a masterclass in aggressive realism, perfectly crafted for the perpetually reckless.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"5,0,0\"\u003eAcknowledge their miraculous survival skills\u003c\/b\u003e and project an aura of elite judgment with a hilarious graphic of The Chairman raising a glass of champagne in his signature green cucumber print suit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"5,1,0\"\u003eDeliver a savage but accurate insult\u003c\/b\u003e over morning coffee, powered by your choice of a standard 11 oz or a substantial 15 oz capacity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"5,2,0\"\u003eEnsure the joke outlasts their next reckless decision\u003c\/b\u003e thanks to a robust, fully microwave and dishwasher safe ceramic build.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"5,3,0\"\u003eToast to their continued existence\u003c\/b\u003e with high definition bespoke printing that keeps the vibrant red lettering and Cucumber green styling from ever peeling or fading.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003eExpert Insight: Insulting the Accident Prone\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003eIf you are wondering how to properly celebrate a friend who treats health and safety guidelines as mere suggestions, this is your definitive solution. This vessel is designed specifically for the clumsy coworker, the reckless sibling, or the mate whose weekend activities regularly involve emergency room visits. Hand them this mug, raise your own glass, and applaud their baffling ability to cheat death for another year. It is a highly practical gift that gets straight to the point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003eTechnical Specifications\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"9,0,0\"\u003eMaterial Composition:\u003c\/b\u003e Premium White Ceramic\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"9,1,0\"\u003eAvailable Capacities:\u003c\/b\u003e 11 oz standard size and 15 oz oversized capacity\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"9,2,0\"\u003eMaintenance \u0026amp; Care:\u003c\/b\u003e 100% Dishwasher and Microwave Safe\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"9,3,0\"\u003eDesign Style:\u003c\/b\u003e Sarcastic birthday greeting, dark humour, featuring Sir Cucumber Dog\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"9,4,0\"\u003eIdeal Use Case:\u003c\/b\u003e Roasting accident prone friends, siblings, and reckless coworkers\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003eColonial Translation\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003e\u003ci data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003e(For our friends across the pond who struggle with extra vowels)\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003eIf you want to \u003cb data-index-in-node=\"15\" data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003ehonor\u003c\/b\u003e your friend's reckless \u003cb data-index-in-node=\"44\" data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003ebehavior\u003c\/b\u003e, this ceramic mug deserves to be the \u003cb data-index-in-node=\"90\" data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003ecenter\u003c\/b\u003e of their birthday party. It is a fantastic \u003cb data-index-in-node=\"140\" data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003edefense\u003c\/b\u003e against boring gifts in your \u003cb data-index-in-node=\"177\" data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003eneighborhood\u003c\/b\u003e. The bright \u003cb data-index-in-node=\"202\" data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003ecolor\u003c\/b\u003e of the red text shows you take their lack of safety seriously. Make sure their coffee is clearly \u003cb data-index-in-node=\"305\" data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003elabeled\u003c\/b\u003e before they stumble out of the local movie \u003cb data-index-in-node=\"356\" data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003etheater\u003c\/b\u003e, or better yet, just tell them to stay inside with their \u003cb data-index-in-node=\"421\" data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003efavorite\u003c\/b\u003e new mug so they do not injure themselves!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":53773886325078,"sku":"8841287_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":53773886357846,"sku":"8841287_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/HAPPY_BIRTHDAY_from_someone_who_fully_expected_you_to_DIE_doing_something_STUPID_by_now._Mug_Cucumber_Dog.webp?v=1779197807"},{"product_id":"keep-calm-what-the-f-ck-do-you-want-funny-office-mug","title":"Keep Calm What The F*ck Do You Want Funny Office Mug","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003eThe Chairman has reached the absolute absolute limit of his patience with modern corporate etiquette. The passive aggressive emails, the constant calendar invitations, and the cheery requests to \"hop on a quick call\" deserve a swift, unfiltered response.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"2\"\u003ePresenting the \"Keep Calm and What The F*ck Do You Want?!\" office mug. It is a premium ceramic masterpiece designed to deliver a masterclass in the severe stare, saving your precious vocal cords from addressing unwanted visitors.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003eCorporate Camouflage at Its Finest\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eWe reject standard, overly polite office desk decor. This vessel combines a classic British aesthetic with aggressive workplace realism, perfectly crafted to establish personal boundaries.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"5,0,0\"\u003eDeter unwanted colleagues instantly\u003c\/b\u003e with an unyielding front graphic of Sir Cucumber Dog delivering a judgement filled glare in his signature cucumber print suit, yellow bow tie, and monocle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"5,1,0\"\u003eMaintain your exquisite corporate aesthetic\u003c\/b\u003e against a deep, elegant Cucumber green textured background, bordered by intricate gold Victorian scrolls and subtle cucumber details.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"5,2,0\"\u003eSustain your energy levels through the most tedious board meetings\u003c\/b\u003e with your choice of a standard 11 oz or a substantial 15 oz capacity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"5,3,0\"\u003eKeep your workplace boundary active for years\u003c\/b\u003e thanks to a highly durable, premium white ceramic build that is 100% dishwasher and microwave safe.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"5,4,0\"\u003eEnjoy an permanently vibrant warning\u003c\/b\u003e that will never scratch, peel, or fade, guaranteed by our high definition bespoke sublimation process.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003eExpert Insight: Deflecting Desk Invaders\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003eHow do you use this funny office mug for maximum defensive coverage? Our expert corporate survival advice is simple: tracking. Whenever a colleague wanders over to your desk with a \"quick question,\" do not look up from your screen. Simply lift this premium vessel to eye level, ensuring the bold gold lettering is directed squarely at their face. Hold the position until they stop speaking and back away slowly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003eThis is the definitive answer for anyone searching for the best sarcastic office gift for an introverted coworker, a stressed manager, or a business owner who has entirely run out of patience.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003eTechnical Specifications\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\"\u003eMaterial Composition:\u003c\/b\u003e Premium White Ceramic with full wrap print.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\"\u003eAvailable Capacities:\u003c\/b\u003e 11 oz standard size and 15 oz oversized capacity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\"\u003eMaintenance \u0026amp; Care:\u003c\/b\u003e 100% Dishwasher and Microwave Safe.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"10,3,0\"\u003eDesign Theme:\u003c\/b\u003e Victorian Anti Positivity, Sarcastic Office Humour, Sir Cucumber Dog.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-index-in-node=\"0\" data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0\"\u003eIdeal Use Case:\u003c\/b\u003e Silently communicating boundaries and surviving the corporate daily grind.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":53904985063766,"sku":"8759837_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":53904985096534,"sku":"8759837_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/Keep_Calm_What_The_Fck_Do_You_Want_Funny_Office_Mug.webp?v=1779197684"},{"product_id":"ding-dong-the-bitch-is-gone-funny-farewell-mug","title":"Ding Dong The Bitch Is Gone Funny Farewell Mug","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003eThe Chairman believes that some departures deserve far more than a lukewarm, standard office farewell card signed with feigned sadness. When an absolute nightmare of a person finally leaves your daily orbit, it is not a moment for sorrow; it is a momentous occasion that demands a full celebration.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"2\"\u003ePresenting the \"Ding Dong The Bitch Is Gone!\" funny farewell mug. Set against a beautiful, light Cucumber cream background with elegant vintage detailing, this premium ceramic vessel is the world's first (from what we can tell) multi-purpose freedom celebration mug.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"3\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eCelebrate a Glorious Exit\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eWe do not do polite masking when a toxic presence finally leaves your life. This vessel provides a masterclass in unapologetic relief, perfectly designed to inject some much-needed humour into a major life upgrade.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eCommemorate their departure with a glorious thumbs up\u003c\/b\u003e from Sir Cucumber Dog himself, looking sharp in his green cucumber-print suit, yellow bow tie, and signature cucumber monocle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eHost a quiet celebration at your desk or home\u003c\/b\u003e surrounded by a festive arrangement of vintage fireworks, stars, and subtle scroll work that frames the magnificent declaration.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eKeep your celebratory beverage topped up\u003c\/b\u003e throughout the happy transition with your choice of a standard 11 oz or a substantial 15 oz capacity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eEnjoy effortless post-celebration cleanup\u003c\/b\u003e because this high-quality white ceramic piece is 100% dishwasher and microwave safe, ensuring the vibrant gold and green print remains flawless.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eToast to a peaceful new era\u003c\/b\u003e with a premium wrap-around design applied via our high-definition bespoke sublimation process, guaranteed not to scratch or fade.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eExpert Insight: Navigating Life's Ultimate Upgrades\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003eHow do you strategically deploy this funny celebratory mug? While it makes a sensational workplace send-off for a toxic manager or an incredibly difficult coworker, it is also the perfect funny just got divorced gift. When a friend successfully untangles themselves from a terrible marriage, do not offer hollow sympathies; hand them this vessel to toast their newfound liberty.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003eIt also functions flawlessly as the definitive \"just got dumped\" survival token. If someone in your social circle has finally been cut loose from a manipulative ex-partner, this mug serves as an immediate visual reminder that the trash has effectively taken itself out. From what our research can tell, it is the only premium ceramic piece on the market specifically optimised for corporate exits, relationship terminations, and legal separations alike.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eTechnical Specifications\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eMaterial Composition:\u003c\/b\u003e Premium White Ceramic with full wrap print.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eAvailable Capacities:\u003c\/b\u003e 11 oz standard size and 15 oz oversized capacity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eMaintenance \u0026amp; Care:\u003c\/b\u003e 100% Dishwasher and Microwave Safe.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDesign Theme:\u003c\/b\u003e Sarcastic Farewell, Relationship Freedom, Divorce Humour, Sir Cucumber Dog.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eIdeal Use Case:\u003c\/b\u003e Just got divorced gifts, funny breakup presents, escaping colleagues, or office triumphs.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eColonial Translation\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003e\u003ci data-path-to-node=\"15\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e(For our friends across the pond who struggle with extra vowels)\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16\"\u003eIf you want to \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"16\" data-index-in-node=\"15\"\u003ehonor\u003c\/b\u003e the fact that a difficult person has finally left your workspace or your life, this ceramic mug deserves to be the \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"16\" data-index-in-node=\"136\"\u003ecenter\u003c\/b\u003e of your counter. It serves as an exceptional \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"16\" data-index-in-node=\"188\"\u003edefense\u003c\/b\u003e against a dreary atmosphere, bringing a burst of joy to your \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"16\" data-index-in-node=\"257\"\u003eneighborhood\u003c\/b\u003e after witnessing such toxic \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"16\" data-index-in-node=\"298\"\u003ebehavior\u003c\/b\u003e. The soft cream \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"16\" data-index-in-node=\"323\"\u003ecolor\u003c\/b\u003e of the background ensures the bold gold lettering is clearly \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"16\" data-index-in-node=\"390\"\u003elabeled\u003c\/b\u003e for all to see. It will quickly become your \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"16\" data-index-in-node=\"442\"\u003efavorite\u003c\/b\u003e novelty item to display, offering a level of entertainment usually reserved for the local movie \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"16\" data-index-in-node=\"547\"\u003etheater\u003c\/b\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":53905241047382,"sku":"3021363_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":53905241080150,"sku":"3021363_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/ding_dong_the_bitch_has_gone_mug_cucumber_dog.webp?v=1779197445"},{"product_id":"id-agree-with-you-ceramic-office-mug","title":"I'd Agree With You Funny Coworker Mug","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003eAt Cucumber Dog, we understand the specific requirements of novelty corporate gifting and premium office accessories. The \"I'd Agree With You\" ceramic mug is engineered for professionals who require a durable, high-quality vessel for their daily caffeine, paired with unapologetic workplace humour. We have created a piece of statement drinkware rooted in expert typography and precise illustration to help you survive incompetent colleagues.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003eThe artwork centres on Sir Cucumber Dog. Our proprietary plush pug mascot is rendered in high-definition detail, wearing his bespoke cucumber print suit, yellow bow tie, and signature monocle. He leans casually against a stack of antique books, establishing a scholarly visual entity that perfectly contrasts with the blunt profanity of the message. The phrase \"I'd Agree With You, But Then We'd Both Be Fucking Idiots\" is executed in an elegant, swirling vintage font.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Anatomy of Corporate Hostility\u003c\/b\u003e We do not simply sell vessels for hot water. We provide deeply relatable coping mechanisms designed to establish strict boundaries in the workplace.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eExquisitely Hostile Artwork:\u003c\/b\u003e Features our distinguished Chairman delivering a brutal truth wrapped in vintage, high-end typography.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDual Capacity Options:\u003c\/b\u003e Choose between a standard 11 oz size for your morning dose of disdain, or a substantial 15 oz vessel for those grueling days when you are surrounded by exceptional stupidity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003ePremium Ceramic Construction:\u003c\/b\u003e Built with a smooth, high-quality finish to withstand scalding hot tea and the exhausting pressure of endless strategy meetings.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eEffortless Maintenance:\u003c\/b\u003e Fully microwave and dishwasher safe. After a long day of pretending to value bad opinions, manually washing a cup is an insult to your remaining energy levels.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Ultimate Office Deterrent:\u003c\/b\u003e Place it firmly on your desk to let your colleagues know that any new ideas they bring to you will be judged harshly and immediately.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":53938044272982,"sku":"9668196_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":53938044305750,"sku":"9668196_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/id-agree-with-you-pug-office-mug.jpg?v=1779381707"},{"product_id":"funny-enormous-infant-head-mum-mug","title":"Sir Cucumber Dog Enormous Infant Head Mum Ceramic Mug | Cucumber Dog","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eThis ceramic mug is the ultimate unapologetic apology for mothers everywhere. Available in both 11 oz and 15 oz sizes, it features Sir Cucumber Dog tipping his top hat alongside a distressingly accurate message about pelvic floors. It provides the perfect vessel for her morning brew and a daily reminder of your massive infant cranium.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Sophisticated Carnage Features\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e11 oz or 15 oz Capacity:\u003c\/b\u003e Choose the standard 11 oz for a regular morning regret, or the 15 oz for days when she needs extra caffeine to temporarily repair the psychological damage of raising you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"7,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"7,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSir Cucumber Dog Artwork:\u003c\/b\u003e Our signature pug dressed in his finest cucumber-print suit, yellow bow tie, and cucumber monocle, offering his most sincere condolences.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"7,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"7,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDishwasher Safe:\u003c\/b\u003e Because the woman has already suffered enough cleaning up after you for the last two decades.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"7,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"7,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDistressed Typography:\u003c\/b\u003e A vintage text effect printed in our signature Cucumber Green to look professional while being profoundly inappropriate.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"8\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eTechnical Specifications\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e 100% White Ceramic\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSizes:\u003c\/b\u003e 11 oz (0.33 l) and 15 oz (0.44 l)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003ePrinting Method:\u003c\/b\u003e High contrast dye sublimation\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eCare Instructions:\u003c\/b\u003e Microwave and dishwasher safe\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eColonial Translation\u003c\/b\u003e \u003ci data-path-to-node=\"10\" data-index-in-node=\"21\"\u003e(For our friends across the pond who struggle with extra vowels)\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003eTo \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"11\" data-index-in-node=\"3\"\u003ehonor\u003c\/b\u003e the absolute physical destruction you caused your mother, gifting this ceramic mug is your best \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"11\" data-index-in-node=\"105\"\u003edefense\u003c\/b\u003e against the resentful \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"11\" data-index-in-node=\"135\"\u003ebehavior\u003c\/b\u003e of a parent in your digital \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"11\" data-index-in-node=\"172\"\u003eneighborhood\u003c\/b\u003e. Placing this aggressively honest apology right in the \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"11\" data-index-in-node=\"240\"\u003ecenter\u003c\/b\u003e of her kitchen ensures your massive head remains a \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"11\" data-index-in-node=\"298\"\u003efavorite\u003c\/b\u003e topic of conversation, preventing your Mother's Day gift from being as forgettable as a bad movie at a local \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"11\" data-index-in-node=\"416\"\u003etheater\u003c\/b\u003e. \u003ci data-path-to-node=\"11\" data-index-in-node=\"425\"\u003e(Note: Be sure to address it to \"Mom\" when shipping stateside).\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWill the distressed text look blurry on the mug?\u003c\/b\u003e No. The distressed texture on the word \"MUM\" is a deliberate design choice that sublimates cleanly onto ceramic, giving it a premium, vintage aesthetic without losing legibility.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eIs the design printed on both sides?\u003c\/b\u003e Yes. The brutal apology is visible whether she is left handed, right handed, or aggressively gripping the 15 oz mug with both hands to prevent herself from screaming.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":54022302073174,"sku":"6756940_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":54022302105942,"sku":"6756940_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/11oz-funny-mum-apology-ceramic-mug.jpg?v=1780486857"},{"product_id":"sir-cucumber-dog-agree-with-you-funny-coaster","title":"Sir Cucumber Dog \"I'd Agree With You\" Funny Pug Coaster","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Ultimate Barrier Against Spills and Stupidity\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003eWelcome the pinnacle of passive-aggressive homeware to your coffee table. The \"I'd Agree With You, But Then We'd Both Be Fucking Idiots\" coaster features the illustrious Sir Cucumber Dog in his finest tailored cucumber-print suit, complete with his signature yellow bow tie and monocle. Set against our bespoke cucumber cream background, this drinks mat is the perfect companion for your morning brew and a brilliant deterrent for unwanted conversation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003eAs the official home of the Sir Cucumber Dog universe, we guarantee authentic, razor-sharp British humour printed on premium materials. Because we utilise Printful for our production, you are guaranteed a high-quality, durable print. The sturdy cork backing protects your wooden and glass surfaces from scratches, while the high-gloss, heat-resistant top layer repels spills and condensation from boiling hot mugs.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003eWhether you are hosting the in-laws or buying a brilliantly cynical gift for a colleague, this coaster adds instant personality to any room.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eProduct Specifications:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e High-gloss, heat-resistant top layer\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eBase:\u003c\/b\u003e Scratch-resistant cork backing\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDimensions:\u003c\/b\u003e Standard UK mug and pint glass size\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDesign:\u003c\/b\u003e Authentic Sir Cucumber Dog original art on cucumber cream\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eCare Instructions:\u003c\/b\u003e Wipe clean with a damp cloth\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":54093897597270,"sku":"9063078_15662","price":12.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/id-agree-with-you-sarcastic-cork-coaster.png?v=1780591873"},{"product_id":"sir-cucumber-dog-happy-womb-expulsion-anniversary-funny-birthday-mug","title":"Sir Cucumber Dog Happy Womb-Expulsion Anniversary Funny Birthday Mug","description":"gg","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":54473882042710,"sku":"9173232_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":54473882075478,"sku":"9173232_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/white-glossy-mug-white-11-oz-handle-on-right-6a4e50a49c4a0.jpg?v=1783517404"},{"product_id":"proof-evolution-can-go-backwards-funny-mug","title":"Proof Evolution Can Go Backwards | Funny Colleague Mug","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003eAre you entirely exhausted by colleagues who struggle with basic logic? We have formally documented your despair. This premium ceramic mug serves as a highly functional biological warning sign for your office desk, designed to keep the intellectually challenged at a safe and manageable distance.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003eThe artwork utilises our signature Exhibition Split layout. On the outward facing panel, the brutal quote \"PROOF EVOLUTION CAN GO BACKWARDS\" is printed vertically against a dark, tonal pug pattern. Dividing the mug perfectly down the centre is a strict vertical pillar reading \"PROMOTIONAL SAMPLE. NOT FOR RESALE.\" This brilliant touch formally categorises your disdain as restricted corporate inventory.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003eOn the reverse side, our aristocratic CEO sits in quiet judgement. Sir Cucumber Dog, impeccably dressed in his bespoke green cucumber print suit, yellow bow tie, and signature monocle, provides the ultimate premium seal of approval for your hostility. It is the perfect passive aggressive gift for the exhausted professional or a brilliant daily shield for your own morning coffee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003e5. The Technical Specifications\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16\"\u003e\u003ci data-path-to-node=\"16\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThese bullet points satisfy Google's EEAT guidelines by confirming the physical quality of the product, the available variations, and the exact Printful manufacturing method.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"17\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003ePremium Ceramic Construction:\u003c\/b\u003e Available in both a standard 11 oz size for quick caffeine hits and a large 15 oz size for days that require maximum endurance against stupidity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eFlawless Sublimation Print:\u003c\/b\u003e Custom printed to order using state of the art dye sublimation. The high heat process ensures the dark green typography and the vibrant yellow of Sir Cucumber Dog's bow tie are bonded permanently to the ceramic glaze.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDaily Durability:\u003c\/b\u003e 100% microwave and dishwasher safe. The absolute savagery will never fade, no matter how many times you wash it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Brand Guarantee:\u003c\/b\u003e Look for the official \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/thecucumberdog\"\u003e@\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"43\"\u003ethecucumberdog\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/a\u003e tag printed proudly at the base of the design.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":54535377027414,"sku":"6027402_1320","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":54535377060182,"sku":"6027402_4830","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/white-glossy-mug-white-11-oz-handle-on-left-6a54fb43d624f.jpg?v=1783954288"}],"url":"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/collections\/rude-gifts-that-get-you-disowned.oembed?page=2","provider":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","version":"1.0","type":"link"}