{"product_id":"carelessly-sprayed-seed-coaster","title":"Carelessly Sprayed Seed Coaster","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Domestic Mishaps Division\u003c\/b\u003e Welcome to the surface protection department. This premium cork-backed coaster introduces the world to the perils of careless lawn maintenance via a vintage 1950s illustration and a devastating double entendre. Featuring the indignant declaration \"He carelessly sprayed his seed all over my pristine patio,\" it entirely rejects wholesome domestic decor in favour of unadulterated sarcastic innuendo. It is the ultimate tabletop accessory for anyone who prefers their morning coffee served with a heavy side of marital hostility and innocent ornithological misunderstanding.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eTechnical Specifications\u003c\/b\u003e We absolutely refuse to protect your coffee table with inferior homeware. This coaster is built to strict premium specifications using our global network of bespoke print facilities.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eDimensions:\u003c\/b\u003e A perfectly proportioned 3.74″ × 3.74″ (9.5 × 9.5 cm) square surface, offering ample real estate for your morning brew or evening gin.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e Hardboard top with a vibrant, fade-resistant gloss finish paired with a robust cork backing to protect your wood, glass, or stone surfaces from heat rings and structural damage.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eDurability:\u003c\/b\u003e Built to withstand heavy daily use, condensation rings, and the crushing disappointment of guests who actually read the text.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eGlobal Fulfillment:\u003c\/b\u003e Printed and routed locally, meaning faster delivery times whether you are defending your coffee table in the UK or the USA.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eCorporate Compliance\u003c\/b\u003e When a guest pauses mid-sip, looks at the coaster, and chokes on their tea, maintain unbroken eye contact and submit the tea-spilling evidence to our administrative peasantry by tagging \u003cb\u003e@thecucumberdog\u003c\/b\u003e on Instagram using \u003cb\u003e#thecucumberdog\u003c\/b\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eColonial Translation\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eBritish English:\u003c\/b\u003e Patio \/ Humour \/ Labour \/ Colour\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eAmerican English:\u003c\/b\u003e Patio \/ Humor \/ Labor \/ Color\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eContext:\u003c\/b\u003e A highly specialised piece of protective table hardware designed to ruin polite afternoon tea across international borders.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCost reflects a single piece. Buy one, or buy enough to cause an administrative incident.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Sarcastic Mugs \u0026 Offensive British Gifts","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":55085129793878,"sku":"9189914_15662","price":11.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/cork-back-coaster-front-6a8c78749e0b2.jpg?v=1787590792","url":"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/products\/carelessly-sprayed-seed-coaster","provider":"Cucumber Dog | Sarcastic Mugs \u0026 Offensive British Gifts","version":"1.0","type":"link"}