{"product_id":"cozy-aint-it-sarcastic-tea-shirt","title":"Cozy Ain't It | Funny Sarcastic Tea Drinker Introvert T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eWelcome to the aggressive comfort department. We have temporarily compromised our linguistic integrity to use the American spelling of \"cosy\" purely for transatlantic profit. This premium white garment features a boiling teapot suffocating in a heavy knitted jumper, accompanied by the confrontational pun \"COZY AIN'T IT!\" It is the ultimate uniform for anyone who weaponized hot beverages to avoid making plans and actively resents leaving the house.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Antisocial Domestic Hub\u003c\/b\u003e This garment targets the highly lucrative introvert and cynical homebody sectors. We entirely reject outdoor recreation in favour of staying indoors and aggressively boiling water. It is the perfect attire for ignoring text messages, declining social invitations due to \"the weather,\" or simply sitting in silence while judging the general public from a safe distance. Formally endorsed by Sir Cucumber Dog, who believes true comfort requires absolute isolation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eTargeted Gifting Solutions\u003c\/b\u003e We provide logistical solutions for the chronically unapproachable. This sarcastic t-shirt serves as the perfect low budget, high impact gift for a deeply introverted best friend, an aggressive knitter, or a coworker whose entire personality revolves around their daily caffeine intake.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003ePremium Combed Construction\u003c\/b\u003e We absolutely refuse to print our domestic hostility on inferior materials. This garment is built to strict premium specifications, ensuring your antisocial tendencies are displayed on the highest quality canvas.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eStructural Integrity:\u003c\/b\u003e Crafted from 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colours contain a mandatory polyester blend). Pre-shrunk to prevent laundry induced rage.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eArchitectural Support:\u003c\/b\u003e Engineered with rigid side-seamed construction and shoulder-to-shoulder taping to ensure the garment does not collapse under the weight of your social fatigue.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eLightweight Armour:\u003c\/b\u003e The 4.2 oz.\/yd.² (142 g\/m²) fabric weight provides a breathable layer of protection against unexpected houseguests.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eGlobal Sourcing:\u003c\/b\u003e Blank canvases are strategically sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US before being weaponised with our graphics.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eMandatory Transparency Clause:\u003c\/b\u003e Management accepts zero liability for your undergarment choices. The fabric is slightly sheer and may appear see-through, especially in lighter colours or under certain lighting conditions. Please deploy adequate base layers unless you are intentionally seeking an HR violation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eColonial Translation\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eUK:\u003c\/b\u003e Cosy \/ Jumper \/ Humour \/ Favour \/ Armour \/ Colours\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eUS:\u003c\/b\u003e Cozy \/ Sweater \/ Humor \/ Favor \/ Armor \/ Colors\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":54969295962454,"sku":"4873563_9526","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":54969295995222,"sku":"4873563_4011","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":54969296027990,"sku":"4873563_4012","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":54969296060758,"sku":"4873563_4013","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":54969296093526,"sku":"4873563_4014","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":54969296126294,"sku":"4873563_4015","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":54969296159062,"sku":"4873563_5294","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":54969296191830,"sku":"4873563_5309","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/unisex-staple-t-shirt-white-front-6a7c734bf3bce.jpg?v=1786540899","url":"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/products\/cozy-aint-it-sarcastic-tea-shirt","provider":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","version":"1.0","type":"link"}