{"product_id":"cucumber-dog-pug-power-retro-floral-white-hoodie","title":"Cucumber Dog Pug Power Monocle Power Retro White Hoodie","description":"\u003ch2\u003eThe Retro Cynicism Division\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWelcome to the retro cynicism division. Embrace the 1970s aesthetic without any of the forced positivity. This premium white hoodie features a groovy floral design, but instead of peace and love, it delivers pure administrative judgement. The artwork showcases Sir Cucumber Dog acting as the centre of botanical blooms, complete with his signature monocle and yellow bow tie. The bold retro typography proudly declares \"CUCUMBER DOG: FLOWER POWER? NO. PUG POWER. MONOCLE POWER.\" using our official Cucumber Green and Cucumber Cream colour palette for stark visual impact. It is the ideal garment for rejecting modern society while maintaining vintage aesthetic standards.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eTechnical Specifications\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe refuse to print our retro apathy on inferior garments. This hoodie is built to strict premium specifications using our global network of bespoke print facilities.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eFabric Construction:\u003c\/b\u003e 100 per cent cotton face with a 65 per cent ring-spun cotton and 35 per cent polyester blend for maximum warmth.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eDesign Features:\u003c\/b\u003e A structured 3-panel hood and matching flat drawstrings, ensuring you can physically hide from your colleagues in maximum comfort.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eDurability:\u003c\/b\u003e Constructed with a front pouch pocket for hiding your hands, alongside a self-fabric patch on the back to protect your structural integrity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eGlobal Fulfillment:\u003c\/b\u003e Printed and routed locally, meaning faster delivery times whether you are avoiding people in the UK or the USA.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eCorporate Compliance\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhen a colleague attempts to initiate mandatory small talk, maintain unbroken eye contact, gesture to the vintage typography on your chest, and submit the site evidence to our administrative peasantry by tagging @thecucumberdog on Instagram using #thecucumberdog. Unfamiliar with our Chief Judgement Officer? Read the Official Lore of Sir Cucumber Dog to understand exactly why this garment exists.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eColonial Translation\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eBritish English:\u003c\/b\u003e Humour \/ Cosy \/ Colours \/ Centre \/ Behaviour \/ Favour\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eAmerican English:\u003c\/b\u003e Humor \/ Cozy \/ Colors \/ Center \/ Behavior \/ Favor\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eContext:\u003c\/b\u003e A highly specialised garment designed to ensure your cynical attitude translates perfectly across the pond.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDisclaimer: This hoodie runs small. For the perfect fit, we recommend ordering one size larger than your usual size.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Sarcastic Mugs \u0026 Offensive British Gifts","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":55365583798614,"sku":"1134559_10774","price":39.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":55365583831382,"sku":"1134559_10775","price":39.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":55365583864150,"sku":"1134559_10776","price":39.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":55365583896918,"sku":"1134559_10777","price":39.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":55365583929686,"sku":"1134559_10778","price":39.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/unisex-premium-pullover-hoodie-white-back-6aa7f9bd2e04f.jpg?v=1789393362","url":"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/products\/cucumber-dog-pug-power-retro-floral-white-hoodie","provider":"Cucumber Dog | Sarcastic Mugs \u0026 Offensive British Gifts","version":"1.0","type":"link"}