{"product_id":"cucumber-dog-tall-slim-typography-white-hoodie","title":"Cucumber Dog Tall Slim Typography Green Text | White Hoodie","description":"\u003ch2\u003eThe Minimalist Brand Division\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWelcome to the minimalist brand division. This premium white hoodie introduces the world to your absolute, uncompromising brand loyalty via a massive back print graphic. While the tall, ultra-condensed typography printed in official Cucumber Green suggests a sophisticated streetwear aesthetic, the sheer vertical scale of \"CUCUMBER DOG\" completely undermines any expectation of subtle corporate branding. It is the perfect attire for anyone who values clean design and making sure people reading your back from across the room know exactly how much you wish to be left alone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eTechnical Specifications\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe refuse to print our minimalist branding on inferior garments. This hoodie is built to strict premium specifications using our global network of bespoke print facilities.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eFabric Construction:\u003c\/b\u003e 100 per cent cotton face with a 65 per cent ring-spun cotton and 35 per cent polyester blend for maximum warmth.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eDesign Features:\u003c\/b\u003e A structured 3-panel hood and matching flat drawstrings, ensuring you can physically hide from your colleagues in maximum comfort.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eDurability:\u003c\/b\u003e Constructed with a front pouch pocket for hiding your hands while refusing to participate, and a self-fabric patch on the back to protect your structural integrity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eGlobal Fulfillment:\u003c\/b\u003e Printed and routed locally, meaning faster delivery times whether you are avoiding people in the UK or the USA.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eCorporate Compliance\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhen a colleague attempts to initiate mandatory small talk, turn your back to them to display the towering green typography, maintain unbroken eye contact over your shoulder, and submit the site evidence to our administrative peasantry by tagging @thecucumberdog on Instagram using #thecucumberdog. Unfamiliar with our Chief Judgement Officer? Read the Official Lore of Sir Cucumber Dog to understand exactly why this garment exists.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eColonial Translation\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eBritish English:\u003c\/b\u003e Humour \/ Cosy \/ Colours \/ Centre \/ Behaviour \/ Favour\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eAmerican English:\u003c\/b\u003e Humor \/ Cozy \/ Colors \/ Center \/ Behavior \/ Favor\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eContext:\u003c\/b\u003e A highly specialised garment designed to ensure your towering cynicism is never questioned again in both domestic and corporate settings across the pond.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDisclaimer: This hoodie runs small. For the perfect fit, we recommend ordering one size larger than your usual size.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Sarcastic Mugs \u0026 Offensive British Gifts","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":55368803025238,"sku":"2771261_10774","price":39.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":55368803058006,"sku":"2771261_10775","price":39.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":55368803090774,"sku":"2771261_10776","price":39.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":55368803123542,"sku":"2771261_10777","price":39.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":55368803156310,"sku":"2771261_10778","price":39.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/unisex-premium-pullover-hoodie-white-back-6aa80ffa97fcb.jpg?v=1789399053","url":"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/products\/cucumber-dog-tall-slim-typography-white-hoodie","provider":"Cucumber Dog | Sarcastic Mugs \u0026 Offensive British Gifts","version":"1.0","type":"link"}