{"product_id":"cucumber-dojo-sarcastic-anti-fitness-shirt","title":"The Cucumber Dojo | Funny Sarcastic Anti Fitness T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eWelcome to the physical exhaustion division. This premium white garment formally introduces The Cucumber Dojo, a completely fabricated athletic institution based in Beverly Hills, CA. Featuring Sir Cucumber Dog violently shattering a board labelled \"YOUR MOTIVATION,\" this design is a masterpiece of anti-fitness propaganda. Complete with the proud admission of \"PULLING GROINS SINCE 2024,\" it is the ultimate uniform for anyone who actively avoids physical exertion and prefers to just kick back.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Demotivation Hub\u003c\/b\u003e This garment targets the highly lucrative faux-Americana and sarcastic gym sectors. We entirely reject the concept of the daily grind in favour of immediate physical surrender. It is the perfect attire for ignoring your personal trainer, abandoning your fitness resolutions by mid-January, or simply claiming a martial arts background without any of the actual suffering. Formally endorsed by Sir Cucumber Dog, whose only real workout involves walking to the kitchen.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eTargeted Gifting Solutions\u003c\/b\u003e We provide logistical solutions for the chronically lazy. This sarcastic t-shirt serves as the perfect low budget, high impact gift for a cynical workout partner, a dad who frequently injures himself doing basic household tasks, or a deeply unmotivated best friend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003ePremium Combed Construction\u003c\/b\u003e We absolutely refuse to print our visual sabotage on inferior materials. This garment is built to strict premium specifications, ensuring your message is displayed on the highest quality canvas.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eStructural Integrity:\u003c\/b\u003e Crafted from 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colours contain a mandatory polyester blend). Pre-shrunk to prevent laundry induced rage.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eArchitectural Support:\u003c\/b\u003e Engineered with rigid side-seamed construction and shoulder-to-shoulder taping to ensure the garment does not collapse under the weight of human interaction.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eLightweight Armour:\u003c\/b\u003e The 4.2 oz.\/yd.² (142 g\/m²) fabric weight provides a breathable layer of protection against the general public.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eGlobal Sourcing:\u003c\/b\u003e Blank canvases are strategically sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US before being weaponised with our graphics.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eMandatory Transparency Clause:\u003c\/b\u003e Management accepts zero liability for your undergarment choices. The fabric is slightly sheer and may appear see-through, especially in lighter colours or under certain lighting conditions. Please deploy adequate base layers unless you are intentionally seeking an HR violation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eCorporate Compliance:\u003c\/b\u003e When a stranger asks what martial art you study, look them dead in the eye, mention your pulled groin, and tag @thecucumberdog on Instagram using #thecucumberdog.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":54943419236694,"sku":"5887344_9526","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":54943419269462,"sku":"5887344_4011","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":54943419302230,"sku":"5887344_4012","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":54943419334998,"sku":"5887344_4013","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":54943419367766,"sku":"5887344_4014","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":54943419400534,"sku":"5887344_4015","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":54943419433302,"sku":"5887344_5294","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":54943419466070,"sku":"5887344_5309","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/unisex-staple-t-shirt-white-back-6a79fc20eea2d.jpg?v=1786379318","url":"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/products\/cucumber-dojo-sarcastic-anti-fitness-shirt","provider":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","version":"1.0","type":"link"}