{"product_id":"currently-processing-a-poo-kids-tee","title":"Currently Processing a Poo Kids Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Biological Functions Division\u003c\/b\u003e Welcome to the heavy processing department. This 100% organic white tee provides a real-time status update on your toddler's most critical daily operation via a vibrant lime green loading bar and bold retro lettering. Featuring the essential broadcast \"Currently processing a poo,\" it entirely rejects wholesome parenting optics in favour of unadulterated biological transparency. It is the ultimate garment for children who require absolute focus, silence, and zero eye contact while conducting serious administrative business behind closed bathroom doors.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eTechnical Specifications\u003c\/b\u003e We absolutely refuse to wrap biological processing units in inferior textiles. This youth garment is built to strict premium specifications using our global network of bespoke print facilities.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e 100% organic ring-spun combed cotton (Single jersey, 4.57 oz\/yd² or 155 g\/m²), meaning it is completely free of pesticides and soft enough for sensitive skin during extended focus sessions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eFit:\u003c\/b\u003e Medium fit with set-in sleeves, allowing for maximum concentration and necessary squatting posture during the processing phase.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eDurability:\u003c\/b\u003e Finished with a 1x1 rib at the collar, narrow double-needle topstitch on the sleeves and bottom hems, plus self-fabric neck tape (inside the back of the neck) to withstand frequent, aggressive laundering.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eGlobal Fulfillment:\u003c\/b\u003e Printed and routed locally, meaning faster delivery times whether the processing is happening in the UK or the USA.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eCorporate Compliance\u003c\/b\u003e When another parent sees the shirt during a high-stress public meltdown, maintain unbroken eye contact, point to the loading bar, and submit the evidence to our administrative peasantry by tagging \u003cb\u003e@thecucumberdog\u003c\/b\u003e on Instagram using \u003cb\u003e#thecucumberdog\u003c\/b\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSize Guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBODY LENGTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCHEST WIDTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSLEEVE LENGTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3-4\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e16 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e13\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e4 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e5-6\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e13 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e4 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e7-8\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e14 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e5 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBODY LENGTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCHEST WIDTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSLEEVE LENGTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3-4\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e11.4\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e5-6\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e46\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e35\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e12.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e7-8\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e51.6\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e37\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e14.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Sarcastic Mugs \u0026 Offensive British Gifts","offers":[{"title":"3-4","offer_id":55084883476822,"sku":"7337079_12327","price":24.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"5-6","offer_id":55084883509590,"sku":"7337079_12328","price":24.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"7-8","offer_id":55084883542358,"sku":"7337079_12329","price":24.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/Currently_Processing_a_Poo_Kids_Tee.png?v=1787588171","url":"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/products\/currently-processing-a-poo-kids-tee","provider":"Cucumber Dog | Sarcastic Mugs \u0026 Offensive British Gifts","version":"1.0","type":"link"}