{"product_id":"dont-think-about-blinking-sarcastic-shirt","title":"Don't Think About Blinking | Funny Psychological Trap T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Neurological Warfare Hub\u003c\/b\u003e This garment targets the highly lucrative prank and sarcastic gifting sectors. We entirely reject polite social interactions in favour of wearable gaslighting. It is the perfect attire for crowded public transport, mandatory office meetings, or simply staring unblinkingly at your relatives across the dinner table. Formally endorsed by Sir Cucumber Dog, who already finds human facial expressions deeply unsettling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"11\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eTargeted Gifting Solutions\u003c\/b\u003e We provide logistical solutions for the dedicated instigator. This sarcastic t-shirt serves as the perfect low budget, high impact gift for an office troll, a deeply annoying older sibling, or a cynical best friend who thrives on making the general public uncomfortable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003ePremium Organic Manufacturing\u003c\/b\u003e We absolutely refuse to print our psychological traps on inferior materials. This garment is built to strict premium specifications, ensuring your biological sabotage is displayed on the highest quality canvas.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eOrganic Construction:\u003c\/b\u003e Crafted from 100% organic ring spun combed cotton. Exceptionally soft and entirely free from agricultural peasantry.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eHigh Contrast Disruption:\u003c\/b\u003e High resolution direct to garment printing ensures the dark grey text and the sliced, neon orange optical illusion pop violently against the crisp white fabric.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eLightweight Armour:\u003c\/b\u003e The 155 g\/m² single jersey fabric provides a breathable but highly durable layer of protection against the annoyed glares of your victims.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eMandatory Transparency Clause:\u003c\/b\u003e Management accepts zero liability for your undergarment choices. This lightweight fabric is inherently sheer to maximise breathability. Lighter colours will become semi transparent under direct lighting. Please deploy adequate base layers unless you are intentionally seeking an HR violation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eCorporate Compliance:\u003c\/b\u003e When you successfully force a stranger into manual blinking mode, maintain aggressive eye contact, document their discomfort, and tag @thecucumberdog on Instagram using #thecucumberdog.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":54805741764950,"sku":"3384673_9526","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":54805741797718,"sku":"3384673_4011","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":54805741830486,"sku":"3384673_4012","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":54805741863254,"sku":"3384673_4013","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":54805741896022,"sku":"3384673_4014","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":54805741928790,"sku":"3384673_4015","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":54805741961558,"sku":"3384673_5294","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":54805741994326,"sku":"3384673_5309","price":23.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/unisex-staple-t-shirt-white-front-6a634bc259181.jpg?v=1784892373","url":"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/products\/dont-think-about-blinking-sarcastic-shirt","provider":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","version":"1.0","type":"link"}