{"product_id":"instead-of-therapy-organic-tote-bag","title":"Instead Of Therapy | Organic Eco Tote Bag","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003eAre you entirely exhausted by the prospect of processing your feelings? We have engineered the perfect enabler for your avoidance strategies.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003eSet against a sophisticated, neutral Oyster canvas backdrop, this design utilizes our strictly mandated typography to deliver a highly accurate financial disclosure. Printed in our signature dark Cucumber Green, the distressed block text proudly broadcasts a devastatingly honest admission: \"CONTAINS ITEMS I BOUGHT INSTEAD OF GOING TO THERAPY.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003eIt is the perfect, highly functional accessory for your next impulsive shopping spree. It serves as a wearable warning to retail staff that you are currently self medicating with premium goods and should not be disturbed under any circumstances.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"17\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003ePremium Organic Twill:\u003c\/b\u003e Crafted from 100% certified organic cotton in a sturdy 3\/1 twill weave. Exceptionally durable and entirely free from agricultural peasantry.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eFormidable Armour:\u003c\/b\u003e The dense 8 oz\/yd² (272 g\/m²) fabric weight provides a secure structural barrier between your questionable financial decisions and the judgement of the general public.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSubstantial Capacity:\u003c\/b\u003e Measuring a generous 16 by 14.5 by 5 inches (40.6 by 35.6 by 12.7 cm) with a wide open main compartment, offering vast, cavernous space for all your impulsive coping mechanisms.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eLoad Bearing Hostility:\u003c\/b\u003e Strictly engineered to comfortably carry up to 30 lbs (13.6 kg) of emotional displacement.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"17,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eErgonomic Transport:\u003c\/b\u003e Features dual 1 inch wide straps measuring exactly 24.5 inches in length, ensuring maximum shoulder comfort while you haul your unboxed trauma through the high street.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":54564263395670,"sku":"5188811_10458","price":25.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/eco-tote-bag-oyster-front-6a58b023c15a2.jpg?v=1784197173","url":"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/products\/instead-of-therapy-organic-tote-bag","provider":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","version":"1.0","type":"link"}