{"product_id":"intellectual-alibi-book-tote","title":"The Intellectual Alibi: The \"Full of Books\" Organic Tote","description":"Sir Cucumber Dog is acutely aware that humans often require a respectable cover story for their daily errands. Whether you are actually hauling a small library or simply transporting three packets of crisps and a bottle of gin, this bag provides the perfect intellectual alibi.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe \"Full of Books\" tote is a masterpiece of blunt, defensive communication. Set against a stark black background, the bold cream typography aggressively informs the general public of your supposed literary habits. Tucked neatly in the corner alongside the official Cucumber Dog web address, the Chairman sits in his bespoke green suit and armchair, ready to silently judge anyone who dares to question the contents of your bag.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nWhy This Canvas Vessel is Essential\u003cbr\u003e\nThis is not a flimsy promotional freebie. It is a heavy duty statement piece designed for the anti social commuter who wishes to appear cultured while avoiding conversation.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe Preemptive Strike: The text is large enough to be read from a safe distance, answering the question \"what is in the bag\" before anyone has the audacity to ask.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nStealth Luxury: The deep black canvas provides a sophisticated backdrop, ensuring the cream typography and the intricate details of Sir Cucumber Dog's monocle pop with absolute clarity.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPlausible Deniability: It allows you to carry absolutely anything while maintaining an air of high brow superiority.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nBespoke Technical Specifications\u003cbr\u003e\nWe refuse to use standard, paper thin supermarket sacks. Sir Cucumber Dog demands structural integrity for your belongings. Here are the precise engineering details of your new mobile barricade:\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nSuperior Weave: Crafted from 100% certified organic cotton in a robust 3\/1 twill weave, ensuring it feels substantial to the touch.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nHeavyweight Build: Features a solid 272 g\/m² (8 oz\/yd²) fabric weight. It will not wilt or collapse when you set it down.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nGenerous Proportions: Measuring an expansive 50.8 cm wide and 35.6 cm tall, with a 12.7 cm depth (20 x 14 x 5 inches).\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nElite Capacity: Designed with an accessible open main compartment and a structured flat bottom, it comfortably swallows 23 litres (6 gallons) of cargo.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nLoad Bearing: Engineered to handle up to 13.6 kg (30 lbs) of sheer weight, whether that consists of heavy literature or an excessive amount of snacks.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nComfortable Carry: Equipped with matching self fabric dual straps measuring exactly 63.5 cm (25 inches) in length and 2.5 cm (1 inch) wide, allowing it to sit perfectly over the shoulder without digging in.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53314412773718,"sku":"8219708_10732","price":60.0,"currency_code":"CAD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/The_Intellectual_Alibi_The_Full_of_Books_Organic_Tote_Cucumber_Dog.png?v=1777384047","url":"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/products\/intellectual-alibi-book-tote","provider":"Cucumber Dog | Sarcastic Apparel, Athletic wear \u0026 Homeware","version":"1.0","type":"link"}