{"product_id":"keep-calm-and-bugger-off-indoor-mat","title":"Keep Calm and Bugger Off Indoor Mat","description":"\u003cp\u003eWelcome guests with the exact level of hospitality they deserve. This premium indoor mat features The Chairman himself, Sir Cucumber Dog, peering through his signature cucumber monocle above a crisp yellow bow tie. Delivering a flawless parody of wartime propaganda, this vibrant yellow entrance mat ensures your visitors know precisely where they stand before they even knock.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy This Unwelcoming Mat Makes the Perfect Cheeky Gift\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFinding a novelty homeware item that genuinely balances premium quality with outright hostility is rare. This anti-social mat serves as a brilliant conversation starter (or ender) for the sarcastic homeowner who prefers their personal space respected. Furthermore, we can confidently add to the gift solution section that this mat is perfect for the elderly in the world who appreciate a bit of naughty vintage charm and classic, uncompromising British wordplay.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003ePremium Indoor Specifications\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eSubstantial Canvas:\u003c\/b\u003e Features overall dimensions of 60 x 40cm, allowing for a massive 57 x 37cm high contrast printable area that guarantees the punchline is legible from a standing height.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eStructural Integrity:\u003c\/b\u003e Engineered with a robust non-slip rubber base to ensure the mat stays firmly planted on hardwood or tile during heavy foot traffic.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eEnvironmental Care:\u003c\/b\u003e Strictly designed for indoor use. Keep this mat protected from the harsh British weather to maintain the striking yellow backdrop and sharp typography.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eNeed to deliver another silent insult?\u003c\/b\u003e Pair this entrance piece with a ceramic from our\u003cb\u003e \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/collections\/cheeky-offensive-mugs\" title=\"Cheeky \u0026amp; Offensive Mugs\"\u003eCheeky \u0026amp; Offensive Mugs\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e directory, or explore some thing different in our \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/collections\/vintage-phonetic-joke-t-shirts\" title=\"Vintage Phonetic Joke T-Shirts\"\u003eVintage Phonetic Joke T-Shirts\u003c\/a\u003e collection\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Sarcastic Mugs \u0026 Offensive British Gifts","offers":[{"title":"White","offer_id":55058592235862,"sku":"DOOR-MAT","price":31.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/mockup-464ba67c7ea499d50a877d749bb25c11.png?v=1787320984","url":"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/products\/keep-calm-and-bugger-off-indoor-mat","provider":"Cucumber Dog | Sarcastic Mugs \u0026 Offensive British Gifts","version":"1.0","type":"link"}