{"product_id":"phil-mccraken-funny-paving-tee","title":"Phil McCraken Paving Services Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Heavy Infrastructure Division\u003c\/b\u003e Welcome to the heavy infrastructure division. This premium white tee introduces the world to Phil McCraken Paving Services via a massive back print graphic. While the vintage tradesman aesthetic and meticulously drawn cobblestones suggest highly competent manual labour, the tagline \"We get right down into your deepest crevices\" completely undermines any professional credibility. We entirely reject standard contractor decorum in favour of blatant structural innuendo. It is the perfect attire for anyone who appreciates aggressive tradesman humour and making the local pub deeply uncomfortable on a Friday afternoon.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eTechnical Specifications\u003c\/b\u003e We absolutely refuse to print our suggestive construction humour on inferior garments. This back print tee is built to strict premium specifications using our global network of bespoke print facilities.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e 100% combed and ring-spun cotton for an exceptionally soft feel and clean finish (unlike some poorly paved driveways we have seen).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eFabric Weight:\u003c\/b\u003e A perfectly balanced 4.2 oz.\/yd.² (142 g\/m²) ensuring the shirt is lightweight yet completely opaque.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eDurability:\u003c\/b\u003e Constructed with pre-shrunk fabric and side-seamed construction to protect your structural integrity during heavy lifting or extended pub sessions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eGlobal Fulfillment:\u003c\/b\u003e Printed and routed locally, meaning faster delivery times whether you are operating your heavy machinery in the UK or the USA.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eCorporate Compliance\u003c\/b\u003e When a client asks for a quote on filling their crevices, maintain unbroken eye contact and submit the site evidence to our administrative peasantry by tagging \u003cb\u003e@thecucumberdog\u003c\/b\u003e on Instagram using \u003cb\u003e#thecucumberdog\u003c\/b\u003e. Unfamiliar with our Chief Judgement Officer? Read the \u003cb\u003e[Official Lore of Sir Cucumber Dog]\u003c\/b\u003e to understand exactly why this garment exists.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eColonial Translation\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eBritish English:\u003c\/b\u003e Humour \/ Labour \/ Tradesman \/ Pub\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eAmerican English:\u003c\/b\u003e Humor \/ Labor \/ Contractor \/ Bar\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eContext:\u003c\/b\u003e A highly specialised garment designed to ensure your local contractor is never taken seriously again in both domestic and corporate settings across the pond.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Sarcastic Mugs \u0026 Offensive British Gifts","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":55059549847894,"sku":"5475681_9526","price":21.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":55059549880662,"sku":"5475681_4011","price":21.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":55059549913430,"sku":"5475681_4012","price":21.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":55059549946198,"sku":"5475681_4013","price":21.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":55059549978966,"sku":"5475681_4014","price":21.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":55059550011734,"sku":"5475681_4015","price":21.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":55059550044502,"sku":"5475681_5294","price":21.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":55059550077270,"sku":"5475681_5309","price":21.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/Phil_McCraken_Paving_Services_Tee.png?v=1787562447","url":"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/products\/phil-mccraken-funny-paving-tee","provider":"Cucumber Dog | Sarcastic Mugs \u0026 Offensive British Gifts","version":"1.0","type":"link"}