{"product_id":"the-official-standard-sir-cucumber-dog-portrait-tote","title":"The Official Standard: Sir Cucumber Dog Double-Sided Black Tote Bag","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003eSir Cucumber Dog is not one for false modesty. He understands that his presence is a privilege and his image is a mandate for better taste. If you are going to navigate the treacherous landscape of the local high street, you must do so under the protection of the Chairman’s official portrait.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"2\"\u003eThis is the foundational piece of our luggage collection, now updated with an exit strategy. Set against a deep, sophisticated black canvas, the high-definition plush portrait of Sir Cucumber Dog takes center stage on the front. He sits impeccably styled in his bespoke cucumber-print suit, vibrant yellow bow tie, and signature monocle. The reverse features the official domain, \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"2\" data-index-in-node=\"380\"\u003eCUCUMBERDOG.COM\u003c\/b\u003e, in crisp cream typography, ensuring the uncultured masses know exactly where to find their own salvation as you walk away.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"4\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWhy You Require This Double-Sided Canvas Banner\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eThis heavy-duty tote is designed for the loyalist who wishes to broadcast their allegiance to the empire of dapper disdain from every angle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Imperial Portrait:\u003c\/b\u003e Let the Chairman’s unimpressed expression do the heavy lifting on the front when you want people to keep their distance in the queue.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Exit Strategy:\u003c\/b\u003e The back print serves as a silent referral service. As you walk away from a tedious conversation, the URL provides the only information they actually need.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eStealth Luxury:\u003c\/b\u003e The deep black canvas provides a sharp, high-end contrast to the rich Cucumber green and vibrant yellow of the design, ensuring you look incredibly posh whilst hauling your daily burdens.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"6,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eOfficial Identification:\u003c\/b\u003e Bold cream typography clearly labels the source of the judgement on both sides, saving you the effort of explaining why you are looking so unimpressed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"8\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eBespoke Technical Specifications\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003eWe refuse to tolerate flimsy, transparent shopping sacks. Sir Cucumber Dog demands structural integrity for your belongings. Here are the precise engineering details of your new mobile barricade:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSuperior Weave:\u003c\/b\u003e Crafted from 100% certified organic cotton in a robust 3\/1 twill weave, ensuring it feels substantial and premium to the touch.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eHeavyweight Build:\u003c\/b\u003e Features a solid 272 g\/m² (8 oz\/yd²) fabric weight. It is engineered to hold its shape and will not wilt when you set it down.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eGenerous Proportions:\u003c\/b\u003e Measuring an expansive 50.8 cm wide and 35.6 cm tall, with a 12.7 cm depth (20 x 14 x 5 inches).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eElite Architecture:\u003c\/b\u003e Designed with an expansive, unrestricted main cabin and a structured flat base, allowing your items to sit properly rather than tumbling about like common rubbish.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eLoad Bearing Mastery:\u003c\/b\u003e Comfortably swallows 23 litres (6 gallons) of cargo and is reinforced to handle up to 13.6 kg (30 lbs) of sheer weight.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,5,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,5,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eComfortable Carry:\u003c\/b\u003e Equipped with matching self-fabric dual straps measuring exactly 63.5 cm (25 inches) in length and 2.5 cm (1 inch) wide, allowing it to sit over the shoulder with ease.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eColonial Translation\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\u003ci data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003e(For our friends across the pond who struggle with extra vowels)\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003eIf you want to \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"15\"\u003ehonor\u003c\/b\u003e your \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"26\"\u003efavorite\u003c\/b\u003e brand with a high-\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"53\"\u003ecolor\u003c\/b\u003e organic bag, this black canvas tote is the \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"102\"\u003ecenter\u003c\/b\u003e of our collection. It acts as the perfect \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"151\"\u003edefense\u003c\/b\u003e against flimsy plastic bags at the \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"194\"\u003eneighborhood\u003c\/b\u003e grocery store. Your shopping \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"236\"\u003ebehavior\u003c\/b\u003e has never looked this elite, making it a perfectly \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"296\"\u003elabeled\u003c\/b\u003e statement piece for any public \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14\" data-index-in-node=\"335\"\u003etheater\u003c\/b\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53314773188950,"sku":"8271145_10732","price":60.0,"currency_code":"CAD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/The_Official_Standard_Sir_Cucumber_Dog_Double-Sided_Black_Tote_Bag.jpg?v=1777376845","url":"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/products\/the-official-standard-sir-cucumber-dog-portrait-tote","provider":"Cucumber Dog | Sarcastic Apparel, Athletic wear \u0026 Homeware","version":"1.0","type":"link"}