{"product_id":"the-pretentious-parody-le-sac-de-tout-organic-tote","title":"The Pretentious Parody: \"Le Sac De Tout\" Organic Tote","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003eThe fashion industry thrives on selling you massive, overpriced bags to carry absolutely nothing of value. Sir Cucumber Dog has decided to participate in this ridiculous charade with a devastatingly honest parody. Presenting \"Le Sac De Tout\": the bag of everything that proudly admits it contains nothing at all.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"2\"\u003eRendered on a sophisticated natural oyster canvas, this design mocks every luxury trope available. From the questionable French phrasing and the aggressive \"FACTORY MADE\" banner to the obligatory listing of global fashion capitals: Paris. London. Tokyo. Set firmly in the middle is the Chairman himself, looking thoroughly unimpressed with your attempt at haute couture. The reverse face features the official domain in our signature Cucumber green, ensuring the brand gets the credit for your sartorial sarcasm.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"3\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWhy You Require This Canvas Vessel\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eThis heavy duty tote is designed for the anti social elite who appreciate high fashion but absolutely refuse to take it seriously.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eThe Illusion of Grandeur:\u003c\/b\u003e Perfect for strutting down the high street looking like you just left a runway show, even if you only went out to buy a single pint of milk.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eBrutal Honesty:\u003c\/b\u003e It actively mocks the \"artisan\" and \"hand crafted\" trends by proudly declaring its factory origins and empty interior.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDouble Sided Authority:\u003c\/b\u003e With the brand name proudly displayed on the back, you are providing a public service by pointing the uncultured masses toward a superior standard of living.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"5,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eStealth Luxury:\u003c\/b\u003e The premium oyster canvas provides a flawless, neutral backdrop for the rich Cucumber green typography and the vibrant yellow of the Chairman's bow tie.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"7\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eBespoke Technical Specifications\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003eWe refuse to tolerate flimsy, transparent shopping sacks. Sir Cucumber Dog demands structural integrity for your belongings, even if those belongings are purely imaginary. Here are the precise engineering details of your new mobile barricade:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSuperior Weave:\u003c\/b\u003e Crafted from 100% certified organic cotton in a robust 3\/1 twill weave, ensuring it feels substantial and premium to the touch.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eHeavyweight Build:\u003c\/b\u003e Features a solid 272 g\/m² (8 oz\/yd²) fabric weight. It is engineered to hold its shape and will not wilt when you set it down.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eGenerous Proportions:\u003c\/b\u003e Measuring an expansive 50.8 cm wide and 35.6 cm tall, with a 12.7 cm depth (20 x 14 x 5 inches).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eElite Architecture:\u003c\/b\u003e Designed with an expansive, unrestricted main cabin and a structured flat base, allowing your items to sit properly rather than tumbling about like common rubbish.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,4,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9,4,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eLoad Bearing Mastery:\u003c\/b\u003e Comfortably swallows 23 litres (6 gallons) of cargo and is reinforced to handle up to 13.6 kg (30 lbs) of sheer weight.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,5,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9,5,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eComfortable Carry:\u003c\/b\u003e Equipped with matching self fabric dual straps measuring exactly 63.5 cm (25 inches) in length and 2.5 cm (1 inch) wide, allowing it to sit perfectly over the shoulder without digging in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBAG WIDTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBAG HEIGHT (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBAG DEPTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSTRAP LENGTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSTRAP WIDTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOne size\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e14\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e25\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"metric\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBAG WIDTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBAG HEIGHT (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBAG DEPTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSTRAP LENGTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSTRAP WIDTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOne size\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e50.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e35.6\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e12.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e63.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e2.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53315359768918,"sku":"1799721_10733","price":31.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0955\/7793\/2118\/files\/The_Pretentious_Parody_Le_Sac_De_Tout_Organic_Tote_Bag_Cucumber_Dog.jpg?v=1777372697","url":"https:\/\/cucumberdog.com\/products\/the-pretentious-parody-le-sac-de-tout-organic-tote","provider":"Cucumber Dog | Rude Mugs, Funny Tees \u0026 Elite Disdain","version":"1.0","type":"link"}