🏆 How to Be the Favourite Gift-Giver in the Group Chat
(Spoiler: It involves swearing, coasters, and pure chaos.)
We’ve all got that one friend.
You know the one — they rock up to every birthday, hen do, or secret Santa with a gift that has the whole room howling, crying, or both.
Their present is the one that gets passed around the table.
It gets photographed. Shared in the group chat. Maybe even stolen by someone’s mum.
But guess what?
You can be that friend.
And we’re here to help you claim your rightful crown as The Favourite Gift-Giver in the Group Chat.
Let’s break it down, Cucumber Dog style…
🎯 Step 1: Be Funny — Like, Spit-Your-Drink-Out Funny
This isn’t the time for a scented candle and a ‘Live Laugh Love’ notebook.
We’re talking savage giggles, in-jokes, and the kind of pressies that get “YOU FCKING LEGEND”* messages straight after unwrapping.
Want a sure-fire win?
Give Me Some F*cking Peace – Coaster
It’s a coaster. But not just a coaster.
It’s a cry for help. It’s a vibe. It’s every parent, introvert, or hungover gremlin’s daily mantra.
Stick it under a wine glass and you’ve just given someone therapy with a cork back.
🎁 Step 2: Be Unexpected – No One Wants a “Nice” Gift
Do they need it?
No.
Do they love it?
Absolutely.
The magic of a proper Cucumber Dog gift is that it makes no sense but total sense at the same time.
Take this beauty:
Happy Birthday You Ginger Pr*ck – Greeting Card
Is it outrageous? Yes.
Is it deeply affectionate in a very British way? Also yes.
No one’s forgetting your card when it starts with a hair insult and ends with birthday love.
💬 Step 3: Be Bold – Say the Thing Everyone’s Thinking
You’ve got the vibe. Now bring the volume.
No whispery fonts here — our designs are LOUD, PROUD, and possibly offensive (in the best way).
Why? Because bold = brilliant.
And brilliant = unforgettable.
Try this showstopper:
I Love Your Mum – Coaster
It’s inappropriate. It’s confusing. It’s perfect.
Pop this in a gift bag and just wait for the reactions. Chef’s kiss.
👑 Want to Go Full Chaos King/Queen?
Then top it all off by turning yourself into a walking Cucumber Dog billboard.
Our new apparel range is for the bold ones — the gift-givers, the shit-stirrers, the legends.
🧥 Hoodies, tees and sweatshirts
💥 Big fonts, bold vibes
🐶 All overseen by our head of chaos — the one and only Cucumber Dog
Wearing our gear is a bit like saying,
“Yes, I bought them the coaster that says twat. You’re welcome.”