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Welcome To Cucumber Dog

Cucumber Dog. The ultimate destination for those who appreciate a good laugh and aren't afraid to push the boundaries! At Cucumber Dog, we specialize in selling rude and offensive t-shirts, mugs, and home accessories that are guaranteed to make you and your friends chuckle. We also offer designs that aren't rude or offensive so we have something for everyone!

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Mugs Apparel
T-Shirts Hoodies
Home Stuff Cards
Birthday Rude
Baby Stuff Coasters Hoodies
COASTERS
MUGS
TEES
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New In Coasters

GOT MY FIVER MATE

The Mug That’s Older Than Time

The Mug That’s Older Than Time (Almost) I Still Owe Jesus A Fiver – White Glossy Mug For the true legends who’ve been around since sandals were cool and wine was turned from water. This isn’t just a mug—it’s a time machine, a confession booth, and a daily reminder that some debts never die. We reckon this cheeky bestseller has been 2,000 years in the making, passed down from generation to generation of those who still haven’t quite managed to settle that divine fiver. Maybe you borrowed it at the Last Supper and got distracted by a miracle or two. Maybe it was during that wild youth group trip when you promised to pay it back “next week.” Or maybe you just feel old enough to owe the Son of God personally—and this mug’s here to celebrate that timeless procrastination in style. Crafted from glossy ceramic that’s as durable as your excuses, it’s perfect for your morning coffee, afternoon tea, or a cheeky glass of wine that might once have been water. Dishwasher and microwave safe—because miracles don’t come with hand-washing instructions. If you’re ready to own the mug that’s practically biblical, this is your chance. Grab yours now before Jesus sends a heavenly bailiff knocking at your door! Confess your debts with a smile.
TAKE A PEEK

Hoodies

New In Mugs

We’re Cucumber Dog — the cheeky UK brand turning mugs, tees, coasters and cards into bold, rude, laugh-out-loud statements. Born in 2023, we design everything to make you grin, snort, or roll your eyes (in a good way). From Emergency Vodka mugs to tees that cause awkward family silences, our stuff isn’t here to blend in.

Everything’s made to order, proudly sweary, and packed with personality — because boring gifts are cancelled.

 Read more about us

Why Your Mug’s Taking Its Sweet Time (But It’s Totally Worth It)

At Cucumber Dog, we don’t mass-produce. Every single item — from our rude mugs to our funny t-shirts — is made fresh just for you using our magical print-on-demand powers. And here’s the kicker: you won’t find these bold, cheeky designs anywhere else. They’re 100% exclusive to us.

Here’s the deal:

Printed Just for You
Your order doesn’t exist until you click buy. We fire up the printers and make your funny personalised gift from scratch — no boring stock, no factory nonsense.

Eco-Friendly & Waste-Free
We only print what we sell, so there’s way less waste. It’s a smarter, greener way to shop for quirky homeware and bold custom mugs.

Takes a Tad Longer
We’re not a giant warehouse. It takes a few extra days to print and pack your goodies (usually 2–5 working days). But good things — especially rude ones — take time.

Free UK Delivery
Every order ships free. No codes, no catches. We’ve baked it into the price like the cherry on top of your sweary slogan.

Only Available Here
Our bold, retro, sweary designs are exclusive to Cucumber Dog. No third-party shops. No Etsy. No duplicates. If you want it, this is the only place to get it.

So yeah, it takes a bit longer…

But when it arrives, it’ll be bold, brilliant, and totally worth the wait.
Welcome to the fun side of print-on-demand.

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