Cucumber Dog Hostile Athletics Hoodies five different designs

NOT MADE FOR EVERYONE
THANKFULLY.

British humour. Unconventional designs.
Clothing with a personality problem.

Cucumber Dog: Sarcastic Heavyweight Streetwear & Hostile Drinkware

Welcome to Cucumber Dog. We specialise in heavyweight streetwear for the actively inactive and vintage British drinkware for the chronically irritated. Whether you are looking for premium fleece to wear while avoiding society or a beautifully crafted mug that insults your guests, our catalogue provides everything you need to maintain a strict barrier between yourself and the outside world.

DESIGNED IN SOUTHAMPTON, UK | MANUFACTURED & FULFILLED EXCLUSIVELY IN NORTH AMERICA

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Retro Collegiate Hoodies & Sarcastic Academic Apparel
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Retro Collegiate Hoodies & Sarcastic Academic Apparel

The Slang Edit
Forest green hoodie featuring the text Nope & Nope in arched white collegiate typography above Cucumber Dog Never Happening Club in white text applied via DTF printing.

The Slang Edit

HOSTILE ATHLETICS
Cucumber Dog Athletic Dept Est 1987 Zero Effort Division pug mascot crest printed on the back of a Carbon Grey pullover hoodie

HOSTILE ATHLETICS

The Cucumber Dog Label
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The Cucumber Dog Label

The Slang Edit

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Cucumber Dog Chaotic Good Forest Green Hoodie

Cucumber Dog Chaotic Good Forest Green Hoodie

$77.00

Cucumber Dog Situationship Collegiate Bone Hoodie

Cucumber Dog Situationship Collegiate Bone Hoodie

$77.00

Cucumber Dog Nope & Nope Collegiate Forest Green Hoodie

Cucumber Dog Nope & Nope Collegiate Forest Green Hoodie

$77.00

The Cucumber Dog

Deadpan British humour and vintage collegiate apparel, masterminded by a pug in a cucumber suit.

Retro Collegiate Hoodies & Sarcastic Academic Apparel

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Cucumber Dog Sir Cucumber Dog Varsity Forest Green Hoodie

Cucumber Dog Sir Cucumber Dog Varsity Forest Green Hoodie

$77.00

Cucumber Dog Property of C.D.U. Chronically Fatigued Dept Bone Hoodie

Cucumber Dog Property of C.D.U. Chronically Fatigued Dept Bone Hoodie

$77.00

Cucumber Dog Athletics Dept Green and Gold Bone Hoodie

Cucumber Dog Athletics Dept Green and Gold Bone Hoodie

$77.00

Rude Vintage Mugs

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The Hot Buns Ceramic Mug | Funny Suggestive Baking Gift

The Hot Buns Ceramic Mug | Funny Suggestive Baking Gift

$25.00

Missed The Hole Entirely | Funny Rude Retro Innuendo Ceramic Mug

Missed The Hole Entirely | Funny Rude Retro Innuendo Ceramic Mug

$25.00

Gently Stroke The Pussycat | Funny Rude Vintage Innuendo Ceramic Mug

Gently Stroke The Pussycat | Funny Rude Vintage Innuendo Ceramic Mug

$25.00

Related products

Corporate Amnesty Digital Gift Card
Offensive Rating: 0/5 — Completely Unbothered

Corporate Amnesty Program

Unsure which heavyweight fleece matches their level of social detachment? Shift the mental burden entirely to the recipient with an instant digital gift card. Redeemable across our entire catalogue of proper British hostility.

"For when you possess zero desire to guess their size, yet social convention forces your hand."

— Sir Cucumber Dog, CJO
Acquire Digital Evasion

Follow us @THECUCUMBERDOG

Dark grey Cucumber Dog Athletics Dept hoodie hanging in a locker with blue sneakers below.
Navy blue Cucumber Dog Athletics Dept hoodie and matching sneakers on a wooden locker bench.
Product mockup

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Reluctant Praise from the General Public

Documented feedback from individuals who have successfully completed a transaction. Read their independent assessments below.

Loved by people with questionable taste

Sarah
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"I love this hoodie. The quality of the fabric is surprisingly soft and heavy, and the fit is relaxed without looking sloppy. Most importantly, the design has successfully deterred at least three awkward small-talk attempts at the grocery store. It is comfortable, well-made, and communicates my daily mood with absolute precision. Five stars."

Gazza
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I bought the 'Ding Dong The Bitch Is Gone' Mug for my desk the day our horrific regional manager finally quit. The ceramic is surprisingly weighty, which makes it feel properly expensive, and the print of Sir Cucumber Dog giving a thumbs up hasn't faded in the office dishwasher once. A dapper way to celebrate absolute chaos.

Jenna
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I purchased the Ornate Botanical Monogram White Hoodie and I am thoroughly impressed with the standard of the garment. The botanical design is meticulously printed and looks incredibly sharp against the white fabric. The material is substantial and provides excellent warmth without feeling restrictive. Having this shipped to the USA was a seamless process with no complications. This is a very well constructed piece of clothing, and I appreciate the serious attention to detail in both the design and the manufacturing. Highly recommended.