Welcome to the Cucumber Dog interrogation room. We know you are busy, and quite frankly, Sir Cucumber Dog is trying to nap. Before you send an email to our lackey Jason, please read through these frequently asked questions.

Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?

He is our mascot, our visionary, and our supreme leader. Sir Cucumber Dog is a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, squeezed into a bespoke Cucumber green print suit. The cucumber slice monocle is for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because he is not a savage.

Who is Jason?

Jason is the human lackey. Due to a skeleton composed of rusty hinges and osteoarthritis, Jason is unfit for manual labor. Instead, he wrestles with Shopify integrations, answers these emails, and manages our premium print partners while the pug takes all the credit.

How much does shipping cost?

Standard shipping to the UK and the USA is completely free. We absolutely despise hidden checkout fees, so Sir Cucumber Dog covers the postage out of his own pocket.

How long does delivery take?

We operate a zero waste, print on demand business model. We do not pull dusty stock off a shelf. When you order a rude mug or a sarcastic graphic tee, it is printed specifically for you. Expect 2 to 5 business days for production, plus standard transit time to your door.

Where are you based?

The entire empire is directed from our creative headquarters in Southampton. Because Sir Cucumber Dog refuses to get ink on his bespoke tailored suit, the actual manufacturing takes place in our dedicated print facilities across the UK and the US. It keeps the product quality immaculate, the shipping lightning fast, and the pug perfectly clean.

Are your gifts suitable for the workplace?

Absolutely not. Unless your boss has a spectacular sense of humor or you are actively trying to get fired, our products are designed for individuals with brilliant taste and zero filter.

Can I return my item because I changed my mind?

No. Because your item is a bespoke masterpiece printed specifically for you the moment you hit buy, we do not accept returns for a sudden change of heart. If you cannot handle the sass, do not buy the mug.

What happens if my order arrives broken?

If the postal service has played football with your ceramic mug, do not panic. Email us at woof@cucumberdog.com within 30 days with a clear photo of the damage. Jason will immediately arrange a replacement to ensure your misery is adequately caffeinated.