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"Feed Me Bitch!" Pet Bowl Mat
£26.00
Sale price
£26.00
Regular price
🚚 Estimated delivery:
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.
Tired of subtle hints? The pawing, the staring, the pathetic whining? Let's cut the crap. Your pet has one thing on its mind, and this mat screams it for them.
This isn't just a pet mat; it's a ransom note. And your lazy arse is the hostage negotiator.
Forget gentle reminders. This mat features the message "FEED ME BITCH!" in a font that looks like it was cut out of a magazine by a tiny, furry criminal. Set against a stark black background, this mat makes your pet's demands impossible to ignore. It’s the perfect spot for the four-legged dictator who rules your house.
If your pet could talk, this is exactly what they'd be saying. Probably while staring at you from 2cm away at 5 AM.
Key Features:
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Hilariously Abusive: Finally, a product that understands the true nature of your relationship with your pet. It's not love; it's a hostage situation.
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Keeps Their Shit Tidy: This generous 60x40cm mat creates the perfect "demands zone," catching all the slobber and kibble shrapnel they launch while you obey their orders.
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Stays Put (Unlike Your Pet): The non-slip rubber backing ensures the mat doesn't slide around, even when they're frantically trying to inhale their food in under 10 seconds.
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Wipes Clean: Made from durable, absorbent fabric that’s easy to wipe down. Because let's face it, the last thing you want to do after being insulted is scrub the floor.
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Bold as F*ck: The high-quality print won't fade, keeping the message loud, clear, and offensive for many meals to come.
Stop pretending you're in charge. Buy the mat. Feed the bitch.
Size 44x22cm
Shipping & Returns
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.
- Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
- Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3-5 business days for production before it departs our green-lit HQ.
- Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we’ll sort it. No stress, no fuss.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
How long does delivery take?
We are unable to accept returns on certain items. These will be carefully marked before purchase.
When will I get my order?
Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do I wash and care for this item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.