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"Dad, You Should've Pulled Out" Kids' T-Shirt Cucumber Dog -
"Feed Me Bitch!" Pet Bowl Mat -
"I DID DEBBIE IN DALLAS!" Rude Adult Humour Door Mat -
"I Did Debbie in Dallas" Infamous Tee | Sir Cucumber Dog -
"I Tried Being Normal" Mug | Funny Sarcastic Gift -
"I'M SMASHING IT AT NOT BEING AN ADULT." Indoor Door Mat -
"My Favourite Kind of Pizza is Chips" T-Shirt -
"My Favourite Word is Moist" Mug | Sir Cucumber Dog -
"OI OI SAVALOY!" British Greetings Door Mat -
"Rub Your Shoes On Me!" Flirty Indoor Door Mat -
"Still Utterly Useless" Birthday Mug | Sir Cucumber Dog -
"Stirred By My Balls" Funny Explorer Mug | Rude Novelty Gift -
"Surviving Is An Achievement" Sarcastic Mug | Sir Cucumber Dog -
"Talk To Myself" Sarcastic Mug | Sir Cucumber Dog -
"THE MAN CAVE" Assertive Entrance Door Mat -
"This Is Not A Tote Bag" Sarcastic Tee | Sir Cucumber Dog -
"WELCOME. (IF YOU HAVE BEER.)" Indoor Door Mat -
"What Time Isn't It?" Sarcastic Tee | Sir Cucumber Dog -
"YOU CAN COME IN IF YOU HAVE SAMBUCA!" Indoor Door Mat -
"You're My Favourite Dad Ever" Funny Coffee Mug -
"You're Not Aging Well" Funny Birthday Mug | Sir Cucumber Dog -
(SEE REVERSE FOR DETAILS) T-Shirt -
Absolutely Coaster -
Anal Applause White Mug
Frequently asked questions
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
Sir Cucumber Dog is our distinguished Chairman—a plush pug with discerning taste, a bespoke cucumber-print suit, and a monocle made from the finest cucumber slice. He oversees all operations, ensuring every design we release meets our high standards for rude, funny, and unapologetic British wit. He is a busy pug; do not expect a personal reply.
What is the Cucumber Dog brand style?
We don’t do boring. We specialize in "hostile workplace" humour, cheeky slogans, and sarcastic visuals. Our aesthetic is rooted in vintage typography, high-end illustration, and our signature Cucumber Green (#2d4c31) and Cucumber Cream (#FAF5DC) palette. If it doesn't make you giggle or make your HR department sweat, we aren't printing it.
Where do you ship to?
We ship globally from our decentralized production network. Every order is fulfilled in the country of purchase (UK or USA) to ensure the fastest possible transit times and to minimize our carbon footprint.
Are these designs available anywhere else?
No. Every design is proprietary to the Cucumber Dog brand. You will not find Sir Cucumber Dog elsewhere. If you see our designs on another store, they are cheap knockoffs, and the Chairman is likely already preparing legal action.
I have a stupid question?
There are no stupid questions here, only people who haven’t had enough caffeine yet. If you are confused, it is likely because we were too busy being funny to be clear. Send your question over to our support team—they are much more patient than Sir Cucumber Dog and will be happy to clear things up for you without judging your lack of focus.
Contact Our Support Minions at woof@cucumberdog.com