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ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER CHOPPING BOARD! -
Another Year of Uselessness Interactive Birthday Mug -
Asylum Entry Mat: Welcome to "The Lunatics' Asylum" -
Bending Me Over Coaster -
BEWARE OF THE DOG: The 'Twat Dog' Indoor Mat -
BOLLOCKS! YOU'RE HERE! Sarcastic Indoor Door Mat -
BOW DOWN TO ME WHEN YOU ENTER" Indoor Door Mat -
Busier Than A Cucumber In A Woman's prison White Mug -
Butt Plug Coaster -
CHOP CHOP Textured Glass Chopping Board -
COME BACK WITH A WARRANT Indoor Door Mat -
COME IN DARLING... IF YOU HAVE GIN! Cheeky Welcome Mat -
COME IN I PROMISE I WON'T HURT YOU Creepy Sarcastic Indoor Mat -
COME IN! IF YOU'RE NOT A MORON. Rude Welcome Mat -
Cucumber Dog "I Don't Like You" Mug | Rude Sarcastic Gift -
Cucumber Dog "I Woke Up Buff... Again!" T-Shirt -
Cucumber Dog "I've Had Your Mum" Kids' Organic Cotton T-Shirt -
Cucumber Dog "Mum's Favourite Mistake" Kids' Heavy Cotton Tee -
Cucumber Dog "My Social Battery" Mug | Funny Sarcastic Mug -
Cucumber Dog "Not a Morning Person" Mug | Funny Sarcastic Gift -
Cucumber Dog "Proud Team Player" Mug | Funny Rude Work Mug -
Cucumber Dog "Stop Reading This In My Voice." T-Shirt -
Cucumber Dog "Stupid" Mug | Rude Sarcastic Pug Design -
Cupid Stunt Coaster
Frequently asked questions
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
Sir Cucumber Dog is our distinguished Chairman—a plush pug with discerning taste, a bespoke cucumber-print suit, and a monocle made from the finest cucumber slice. He oversees all operations, ensuring every design we release meets our high standards for rude, funny, and unapologetic British wit. He is a busy pug; do not expect a personal reply.
What is the Cucumber Dog brand style?
We don’t do boring. We specialize in "hostile workplace" humour, cheeky slogans, and sarcastic visuals. Our aesthetic is rooted in vintage typography, high-end illustration, and our signature Cucumber Green (#2d4c31) and Cucumber Cream (#FAF5DC) palette. If it doesn't make you giggle or make your HR department sweat, we aren't printing it.
Where do you ship to?
We ship globally from our decentralized production network. Every order is fulfilled in the country of purchase (UK or USA) to ensure the fastest possible transit times and to minimize our carbon footprint.
Are these designs available anywhere else?
No. Every design is proprietary to the Cucumber Dog brand. You will not find Sir Cucumber Dog elsewhere. If you see our designs on another store, they are cheap knockoffs, and the Chairman is likely already preparing legal action.
I have a stupid question?
There are no stupid questions here, only people who haven’t had enough caffeine yet. If you are confused, it is likely because we were too busy being funny to be clear. Send your question over to our support team—they are much more patient than Sir Cucumber Dog and will be happy to clear things up for you without judging your lack of focus.
Contact Our Support Minions at woof@cucumberdog.com