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Are You A Parking Ticket | Funny Sarcastic Flirting T-Shirt

£23.00

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🚚 FREE Shipping to the UK & USA

Welcome to the municipal romance division. This premium white organic t-shirt disguises a tragically cheesy pickup line within the high anxiety framework of a Parking Charge Notice. Featuring the aggressively yellow layout of a standard PCN and the unapologetic dad joke "Are you a parking ticket? Because you have FINE written all over you," it is the ultimate wearable icebreaker. It is perfectly engineered to give strangers a mild panic attack before subjecting them to your terrible sense of humour.

The Bureaucratic Flirtation Hub This garment targets the highly lucrative dad joke and tragic romance sectors. We entirely reject smooth social interaction in favour of municipal anxiety. It is the perfect attire for terrifying traffic wardens, embarrassing yourself at social gatherings, or actively repelling romantic interests with aggressive cheese. Formally endorsed by Sir Cucumber Dog, who finds human courtship rituals deeply embarrassing.

Targeted Gifting Solutions We provide logistical solutions for the chronically single. This sarcastic t-shirt serves as the perfect low budget, high impact gift for a deeply confident best friend, a dad whose humour has been stuck in a loop since 1998, or a colleague who continuously receives actual parking fines.

Premium Organic Manufacturing We absolutely refuse to print our tragic pickup lines on inferior materials. This garment is built to strict premium specifications, ensuring your romantic failure is displayed on the highest quality canvas.

Organic Construction: Crafted from 100% ring spun combed cotton. Exceptionally soft and entirely free from agricultural peasantry.
High Contrast Citation: High resolution direct to garment printing ensures the aggressive yellow background and bold black typography pop violently against the crisp white fabric, demanding immediate municipal compliance.
Structural Integrity: Crafted from 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colours contain a mandatory polyester blend). Pre-shrunk to prevent laundry-induced rage.
Architectural Support: Engineered with rigid side-seamed construction and shoulder-to-shoulder taping to ensure the garment does not collapse under the weight of human interaction.
Lightweight Armour: The 4.2 oz./yd.² (142 g/m²) fabric weight provides a breathable layer of protection against the general public.
Corporate Compliance: When a stranger visibly groans at your chest after reading the penalty charge, document their suffering and tag @thecucumberdog on Instagram using #thecucumberdog.

Our goal is for every customer to be totally satisfied with their purchase. If this isn't the case, let us know and we'll do our best to work with you to make it right.

We will work quickly to ship your order as soon as possible. Once your order has shipped, you will receive an email with further information. Delivery times vary depending on your location.

Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.

Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3-5 business days for production before it departs our green-lit HQ.
Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we’ll sort it. No stress, no fuss.

Frequently asked questions

Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.

We are unable to accept returns on certain items. These will be carefully marked before purchase.

Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.

As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.

Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.

A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.

As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.

Read Sir Cucumber Dogs Page