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"My Favourite Word is Moist" Mug | Sir Cucumber Dog
$25.00
CJO Judgement Index
4 / 5
Blatantly Disrespectful
"Moist moist moist! I love a moist cake!"
Sir Cucumber Dog, CJO
Sir Cucumber Dog's Offensiveness Rating
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Moist moist moist! I love a moist cake!
- CJO (Chief Judgement Officer)
Free over $60. Fulfilled locally in North America. No hidden fees, no overseas logistics drama.
A Linguistic Weapon of Mass Irritation
Sir Cucumber Dog has observed that the human race possesses a peculiar, collective loathing for a specific six-letter word. While he, being a cucumber-based entity, finds the concept of "moisture" to be a sign of peak freshness, he recognizes that for you lot, it is the verbal equivalent of a damp handshake.
Naturally, he has decided to put it on a mug.
This premium ceramic vessel features the Chairman in his signature cucumber-print suit, looking on with his usual aristocratic disdain as you watch your colleagues visibly shudder. The bold text proudly declares your preference for the most hated word in the English language. It is the perfect choice for the office antagonist, the professional pot-stirrer, or anyone who enjoys the silence that follows a truly uncomfortable statement.
The Chairman’s Audit: Offensive Rating
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Offensive Rating: 4/5
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The Chairman’s Quote: "Visceral. Unpleasant. A linguistic crime against humanity. Sir Cucumber Dog is delighted by the discomfort this will cause."
Why You Absolutely Require This Vessel
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Maximum Cringe Factor: Most rude mugs use profanity: this mug uses psychological warfare. It is far more effective at clearing a room.
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The Vault Exclusive: As part of our NSFW range, this is designed for those who have abandoned all hope of being liked and have chosen to be memorable instead.
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Elite Ceramic Build: Crafted from high-gloss white ceramic, ensuring the Cucumber green accents stay vibrant while you ruin everyone’s morning coffee.
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Built for Chaos: Dishwasher and microwave safe. The Chairman’s scowl and that dreaded word are engineered to resist fading, much like the memory of your poor social choices.
Technical Specifications
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Size Options: Available in a standard 11oz or a generous 15oz for when you have a lot of moisture to celebrate.
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Quality Materials: 100% glossy white ceramic with a high-definition, long-lasting print.
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Safety First: Lead and BPA-free. We protect your physical health while you damage your social standing.
Shipping & Returns
Shipping
- Cost: Free on orders over $60.
- Delivery: Exclusively shipping within the USA and Canada. Every order is fulfilled locally.
- Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3 to 5 business days for production before your freshly printed order is shipped.
Returns
- Because our apparel is printed on demand just for you, we strictly do not accept returns or refunds if you simply change your mind. If the item arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we will sort it out. No stress, no fuss.
Colonial Translation
- Sort it out: Fix the issue.
- Change of mind: Buyer's remorse.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your measurements. Our premium apparel uses standard unisex sizing, but assuming you know your exact fit is a terrible strategy. Because our inventory is strictly printed on demand, we absolutely do not accept returns or process refunds if you simply order the wrong size or change your mind. Returns and exchanges are reserved solely for genuinely damaged or defective goods.
Please consult the highly accurate size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking two minutes to measure a garment you already own is the most effective way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
| Size | Body Length (inches) | Chest Width (inches) | Sleeve Length (inches) |
|---|---|---|---|
| S | 27 ⅛ | 19 ½ | 8 ⅞ |
| M | 28 ¾ | 21 | 9 ½ |
| L | 29 ½ | 22 ¼ | 9 ⅝ |
| XL | 30 ¼ | 23 ⅜ | 9 ⅞ |
| 2XL | 31 ⅛ | 25.00 | 10 |
| 3XL | 31 ⅞ | 26 ⅝ | 10 ¼ |
| 4XL | 32 ⅝ | 28 ½ | 10 ¼ |
| 5XL | 33 ⅛ | 30 ½ | 10 ¼ |
How long does delivery take?
very piece of apparel or sarcastic accessory is custom made to order. This print on demand approach means production takes between 2 to 5 business days. Once printed, the package goes out with a tracking link. Standard shipping is calculated at checkout, with free shipping automatically unlocked on orders over $60.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do I wash and care for this item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.