Elite Organic Tees

Sir Cucumber Dog refuses to have his devastating insults printed on peasant grade fabric. Welcome to our collection of premium organic funny t shirts. We have abandoned flimsy garments in favour of 100% organic, ring spun cotton that perfectly matches the weight of your aristocratic disdain.

These heavy duty, eco friendly tees are exceptionally comfortable and rigorously certified. They are designed for the anti social elite who want to look effortlessly posh while delivering a low brow insult, because the only thing the Chairman wishes to pollute is the social atmosphere.

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Frequently asked questions
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?

Sir Cucumber Dog is our distinguished Chairman—a plush pug with discerning taste, a bespoke cucumber-print suit, and a monocle made from the finest cucumber slice. He oversees all operations, ensuring every design we release meets our high standards for rude, funny, and unapologetic British wit. He is a busy pug; do not expect a personal reply.
What is the Cucumber Dog brand style?

We don’t do boring. We specialize in "hostile workplace" humour, cheeky slogans, and sarcastic visuals. Our aesthetic is rooted in vintage typography, high-end illustration, and our signature Cucumber Green (#2d4c31) and Cucumber Cream (#FAF5DC) palette. If it doesn't make you giggle or make your HR department sweat, we aren't printing it.
Where do you ship to?

We ship globally from our decentralized production network. Every order is fulfilled in the country of purchase (UK or USA) to ensure the fastest possible transit times and to minimize our carbon footprint.
Are these designs available anywhere else?

No. Every design is proprietary to the Cucumber Dog brand. You will not find Sir Cucumber Dog elsewhere. If you see our designs on another store, they are cheap knockoffs, and the Chairman is likely already preparing legal action.
I have a stupid question?

There are no stupid questions here, only people who haven’t had enough caffeine yet. If you are confused, it is likely because we were too busy being funny to be clear. Send your question over to our support team—they are much more patient than Sir Cucumber Dog and will be happy to clear things up for you without judging your lack of focus.

Contact Our Support Minions at woof@cucumberdog.com