Home of Rude, Stupid, and Downright Unnecessary Gifts.

All our stuff is made to order. This actually means our products are even more special. we like special.

FRESH OFF THE PRESS

View all

LOOKING FIT AS ALWAYS - The Ego Boost Mat

LOOKING FIT AS ALWAYS - The Ego Boost Mat
£23.99

FREE UK SHIPPING

Shop by collection

Free UK Shipping

Always. No nasty surprises at the checkout. Sir Cucumber Dog pays the postage, so you don't have to.

High-Quality Prints

No pixelated nonsense. Crisp lines, vibrant lime greens, and durable finishes only.

Small UK Business

Support questionable humour. You are funding independent design, not a billionaire’s rocket fund.
READ MORE ABOUT WHY US!

FEATURED

 View all

COME IN! IF YOU'RE NOT A MORON. Rude Welcome Mat

COME IN! IF YOU'RE NOT A MORON. Rude Welcome Mat
£28.99

NEW COLLECTION DROP!

PET BOWL MATS


The boss has inspected the goods, and he's finally given his official stamp of approval. Introducing our brand-new collection of pet food mats, personally tested (and judged) by Sir Cucumber Dog himself! He's already making his demands known with our "Feed Me Bitch!" design, bringing our signature rude-and-funny style straight to your pet's dinner time. Stop letting your furry friend eat off a boring floor and give them (and your kitchen) the glow-up they deserve with a mat that's 100% boss-approved.

Shop now

The Official Cucumber Dog Blog

Stop Wiping Your Feet on Boring! Introducing Our Hilarious Indoor Doormat Collection

Stop Wiping Your Feet on Boring! Introducing Our Hilarious Indoor Doormat Collection

Tired of those bland, beige mats? It’s time to give your guests (and yourself) a proper, laugh-out-loud welcome! Our brand-new collection of funny indoor doormats is here to inject some...