Home of Rude, Stupid, and Downright Unnecessary Gifts.

Sir Cucumber Dog demands quality, which is why we print everything to order. No stockpiling. No waste. Just your chosen design, fresh and ready to offend the neighbours.

Does it take a little longer than a mega-corporation? Yes. Is it better? Absolutely. It means your product is unique. We like special. You're special. Now be patient.

FRESH OFF THE PRESS

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WE HAVE A DOG... IT'S A DICKHEAD!" Rude Indoor Door Mat

WE HAVE A DOG... IT'S A DICKHEAD!" Rude Indoor Door Mat
£28.99

FREE UK SHIPPING

THE COLLECTION

Free UK Shipping

Always. Cucumber Dog has no nasty surprises at the checkout. Sir Cucumber Dog pays the postage, so you don't have to.

High-Quality Prints

No pixelated nonsense. Crisp lines, vibrant colours and durable finishes only. Perfect for the birthday insults!

Small UK Business

Support questionable humour. You are funding independent design, not a billionaire’s rocket fund. Sir Cucmber Dog thanks you.
READ MORE ABOUT WHY US!

FEATURED

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THE DOG RULES Indoor Door Mat (Featuring Sir Cucumber Dog)

THE DOG RULES Indoor Door Mat (Featuring Sir Cucumber Dog)
£28.99

NEW COLLECTION DROP!

PET BOWL MATS


The boss has inspected the goods, and he's finally given his official stamp of approval. Introducing our brand-new collection of pet food mats, personally tested (and judged) by Sir Cucumber Dog himself! He's already making his demands known with our "Feed Me Bitch!" design, bringing our signature rude-and-funny style straight to your pet's dinner time. Stop letting your furry friend eat off a boring floor and give them (and your kitchen) the glow-up they deserve with a mat that's 100% boss-approved.

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The Official Cucumber Dog Blog

Wipe Your Feet or Bugger Off: Why Your Hallway Needs a Rude Indoor Mat

Wipe Your Feet or Bugger Off: Why Your Hallway Needs a Rude Indoor Mat

Your hallway is the first thing guests see when they enter your home. Usually, it’s a boring expanse of beige carpet and a pile of shoes that haven't seen a...