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Sir Cucumber Dog "It’s a Dickhead" Rude Dog Doormat
£31.00
Sale price
£31.00
Regular price
🚚 Estimated delivery:
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.
Honesty is the best policy, especially when it comes to your four legged "best friend." Forget those "Home is where the dog is" mats; this is the ultimate piece of rude home decor from the Sir Cucumber Dog collection. Featuring the blunt and hilariously honest text "WE HAVE A DOG... IT'S A DICKHEAD!", this mat perfectly captures the relationship we have with our more challenging pets. It is a brilliant example of British humour for any hallway where the resident dog is a bit of a nightmare.
This Cucumber Dog mat makes a fantastic funny dog owner gift for friends who spend more time apologising for their pet than playing with them. Built with a durable surface and a non-slip rubber base, it ensures your warning stays firmly in place while your dog causes chaos in the background.
📋 Key Features
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Brutally Honest Design: A perfect piece of rude novelty decor from Sir Cucumber Dog that warns guests exactly what kind of canine greeting to expect.
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Safe and Secure: Equipped with a high quality non slip rubber backing to prevent sliding on laminate, wood, or tiled floors.
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Durable Construction: Designed to withstand muddy paws while keeping the bold, insulting print crisp and clear.
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Indoor Versatility: Perfectly sized for entryways, kitchen doors, or anywhere the "dickhead" in question likes to hang out.
Product Specifications
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Brand: Sir Cucumber Dog
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Overall Size: 60 x 40 cm
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Printable Area: 57 x 37 cm
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Base: Non slip rubber
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Use: Indoor Only
Shipping & Returns
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.
- Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
- Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3-5 business days for production before it departs our green-lit HQ.
- Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we’ll sort it. No stress, no fuss.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
How long does delivery take?
We are unable to accept returns on certain items. These will be carefully marked before purchase.
When will I get my order?
Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do I wash and care for this item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.