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This Is Not A Tote Bag T-Shirt Cucumber Dog

Black / S
£19.99
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  • Product mockup
  • This Is Not A Tote Bag T-Shirt Cardinal Cucumber Dog
  • This Is Not A Tote Bag T-Shirt Black Cucumber Dog
  • This Is Not A Tote Bag T-Shirt Navy Cucumber Dog
  • This Is Not A Tote Bag T-Shirt Purple Cucumber Dog
  • This Is Not A Tote Bag T-Shirt Dark Chocolate Cucumber Dog
  • This Is Not A Tote Bag T-Shirt Royal Cucumber Dog
  • This Is Not A Tote Bag T-Shirt Dark Heather Cucumber Dog
  • This Is Not A Tote Bag T-Shirt Charcoal Cucumber Dog
  • This Is Not A Tote Bag T-Shirt Military Green Cucumber Dog
  • This Is Not A Tote Bag T-Shirt Orange Cucumber Dog
This Is Not A Tote Bag T-Shirt Cucumber Dog

This Is Not A Tote Bag T-Shirt Cucumber Dog

£19.99
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In a world obsessed with categorisation and labelling, we felt it was vital to state the bleeding obvious. This is a T-shirt. It is composed of fabric, it has sleeves, and you wear it on your torso. It is, quite demonstrably, not a tote bag.

This tee is a masterclass in meta-humour, perfect for those who enjoy pointing out the literal truth with a straight face. It is our nod to high art and low-brow sarcasm, designed to leave passers-by wondering if they have had a stroke or if they are just missing a very specific joke.

Featuring a clean, hand-lettered font and the Sir Cucumber Dog seal of disapproval, this shirt is the ultimate anti-fashion statement. It is perfect for the supermarket run (where you will inevitably be asked if you need a bag), the pub, or any social situation where you want to clarify your physical form to the public.

Why This Shirt Is A Literal Triumph:

  • Factually Accurate: It is 100% not a tote bag. We have checked.

  • Subversive Sarcasm: The perfect way to show you are too clever for standard slogans and generic British humour.

  • Free UK Shipping: Dispatched via Royal Mail on the house, because irony should never come with a delivery fee.

  • Extra Comfort: Made from soft, sturdy cotton, ideal for existing as a human and not a piece of luggage.

The Fiddly Bits (Product Specs):

  • Fabric Composition: Solid colours are 100% cotton. Sport Grey is 90% cotton, 10% polyester; Ash Grey is 99% cotton, 1% polyester. Heather colours are a 50/50 blend of pure, unadulterated truth.

  • Fabric Weight: A solid 170-180 g/m² (5.0–5.3 oz/yd²).

  • Construction: Crafted with open-end yarn and tubular fabric, featuring a taped neck and shoulders. Double seams at the sleeves and bottom hem ensure it remains a shirt for the long haul.

  • Sourced Ethically: Our blank tees are sourced from various corners of the world (including Honduras, Nicaragua, and Bangladesh) with a focus on fair production.

A Note On Your Order (Freshly Printed Reality):

This shirt is not sitting in a pile of actual tote bags. Each one is printed fresh just for you the moment you place your order. This print-on-demand wizardry means it takes a little longer to arrive, but it is brilliant for cutting down on waste and protecting the planet. You are making a sensible choice.

Heads-Up (The Disclaimers):

  • White: The White tee is a classic 'off-white' rather than a blinding fluorescent.

  • Natural: The Natural colour contains charming dark speckles from the original cotton plant. It is a feature, not a flaw.

Size guide

  LENGTH (inches) WIDTH (inches) SLEEVE LENGTH (inches)
S 28 18 15 ⅝
M 29 20 17
L 30 22 18 ½
XL 31 24 20
2XL 32 26 21 ½
3XL 33 28 22 ¾
  LENGTH (cm) WIDTH (cm) SLEEVE LENGTH (cm)
S 71.1 45.7 39.7
M 73.7 50.8 43.2
L 76.2 55.9 47
XL 78.7 61 50.8
2XL 81.3 66 54.6
3XL 83.8 71.1 58

Every brilliant mug, tee, or coaster you order is made especially for you using print-on-demand. This custom process is personally overseen by our mascot, Sir Cucumber Dog, who ensures his cucumber monocle is positioned just right for the official 'Pug of Approval' stamp. Because we don't hold stock and craft everything bespoke, your order takes a little longer to arrive than rushed, mass-produced items. But this extra time guarantees a high-quality, perfectly rude, and funny product made just for you!

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