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The 'Old Man's Sack' Bath Mat
£25.00
Sale price
£25.00
Regular price
🚚 Estimated delivery:
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.
Tired of boring bathroom décor? Spice up your ablutions and add a touch of genuine vulgarity with this hilariously inappropriate bath mat! Featuring our subtly suggestive two-feet and two-egg design, this novelty bath mat looks exactly like an old man's sagging nuts, and we think that's bloody brilliant. It’s the perfect, rude adult humour gift for someone who loves truly cheeky home accessories.
Key Features (Why You Need This Inappropriate Bath Mat):
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Size: Approx. 40 x 60 cm—the perfect spot for your toilet mat area or outside the shower. Stand and ponder the meaning of life, or just dry your feet in style.
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Supreme Comfort: This is a luxury memory foam bath mat! Made with a soft microfibre top and a cushioned memory foam inner. It’s so plush and comfortable, you’ll forget what vulgar design you’re standing on... almost.
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Stay Put Safety: Features a non-slip base for extra safety, preventing slips and slides. Nobody needs to slip on a sack!
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Vibrant & Bold Artwork: Your chosen rude artwork is printed edge-to-edge using high-quality dye-sublimation on an antique white base. This process guarantees vibrant colours and sharp detail that Sir Cucumber Dog himself would approve of.
🧼 Care Instructions:
Keep your nuts looking fresh and clean:
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Wash at 30 degrees.
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Avoid tumble drying (don't shrink the rudeness!).
Sir Cucumber Dog Says: "One must appreciate the elegance of a full and generous sag. Use this rude bathroom mat to bring a touch of class-A vulgarity to your wet room, you delightful rotter!"
Shipping & Returns
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.
- Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
- Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3-5 business days for production before it departs our green-lit HQ.
- Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we’ll sort it. No stress, no fuss.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
How long does delivery take?
We are unable to accept returns on certain items. These will be carefully marked before purchase.
When will I get my order?
Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do I wash and care for this item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.