Ever feel like you’re putting in the effort for absolutely no reason? Welcome to the club. The I’m As Useful As A Safety Helmet In A Guillotine mug is for those beautifully hopeless moments when everything’s pointless — and somehow, that’s hilarious.

Whether you’re at work pretending to care, navigating chaos, or just feeling wildly unqualified for life, this mug tells it like it is. It’s dry, dark, and brutally honest — with a punchline that lands harder than your morning coffee.

With the phrase “I’m a helmet” printed nice and loud (because we know where the real comedy is), this mug doesn’t just start conversations — it stops people mid-sip.

Why it’s the ultimate mug for the gloriously useless:

• Available in 11 oz and 15 oz ceramic — pick your coping size

• Bold, sharp design featuring the full slogan: I’m As Useful As A Safety Helmet In A Guillotine

• Microwave and dishwasher safe, because we’re not total monsters

• Lead and BPA-free — your safety matters more than the helmet’s

• Blank product sourced from China

Mug Dimensions:

• 11 oz: 3.8″ (9.6 cm) tall × 3.2″ (8.2 cm) diameter

• 15 oz: 4.7″ (11.9 cm) tall × 3.3″ (8.5 cm) diameter

Shipping & Returns:
Free UK shipping (we’re not completely useless). Each mug is printed to order, so give us a few extra days to work our magic. Not feeling it? Returns accepted.

Perfect for gifting to your most chaotic mate… or yourself, during a particularly cursed Monday. The I’m As Useful As A Safety Helmet In A Guillotine mug is sarcasm, served hot.