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Keeping The Vibe Distressingly Casual | Retro Funny White Hoodie
£39.99
Sir Cucumber Dog's Offensiveness Rating
"Weaponising the 1970s psychedelic aesthetic to promote a deeply unbothered, distressingly casual lifestyle is a masterclass in passive defiance. Highly approved."
- CJO (Chief Judgement Officer)
🚚 Estimated delivery:
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.
The Anti-Professional Attire Division
Welcome to the anti-professional attire division. This premium white hoodie introduces the world to your complete lack of urgency via a massive, psychedelic chest graphic. While the highly stylised, wavy 1970s aesthetic suggests a relaxed retro mindset, the phrase "Keeping the vibe distressingly casual" serves as a direct threat to corporate productivity. Printed entirely in our official Cucumber Green, the artwork features the heavily judging face of Sir Cucumber Dog, complete with his signature bow tie and monocle. We entirely reject standard office decorum in favour of making everyone mildly uncomfortable with your relaxed attitude. It is the perfect garment for casual Fridays, remote video calls, and deliberately lowering the standards of any room you walk into.
Technical Specifications
We absolutely refuse to print our apathetic humour on inferior garments. This hoodie is built to strict premium specifications using our global network of bespoke print facilities.
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Fabric Construction: 100 per cent cotton face with a 65 per cent ring-spun cotton and 35 per cent polyester blend for an exceptionally soft feel and clean finish.
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Design Features: A structured 3-panel hood and matching flat drawstrings, ensuring you can physically retreat from your responsibilities in maximum comfort.
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Durability: Constructed with a front pouch pocket for hiding your hands while refusing to participate, and a self-fabric patch on the back to protect your structural integrity during extended periods of laziness.
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Global Fulfillment: Printed and routed locally, meaning faster delivery times whether you are actively avoiding work in the UK or the USA.
Colonial Translation
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British English: Humour / Cosy / Colours / Centre / Behaviour / Favour
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American English: Humor / Cozy / Colors / Center / Behavior / Favor
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Context: A highly specialised garment designed to ensure your cynical attitude is never questioned again in both domestic and corporate settings across the pond.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
How long does delivery take?
Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do i wash and care for my item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
What size hoodie am I?
| Size | Chest Width (Inches) | Length (Inches) | Chest Width (cm) | Length (cm) |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| S | 20 | 27 | 50.8 | 68.6 |
| M | 21 | 28 | 53.3 | 71.1 |
| L | 23 | 29 | 58.4 | 73.7 |
| XL | 25 | 30 | 63.5 | 76.2 |
| 2XL | 26 ½ | 31 | 67.3 | 78.7 |
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.