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Cucumber Dog Bold Typography Black Hoodie
£39.99
Sir Cucumber Dog's Offensiveness Rating
"For when you want your chest to do the shouting so your mouth does not have to."
- CJO (Chief Judgement Officer)
🚚 Estimated delivery:
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.
Sometimes you do not need a clever joke to make a statement. You just need massive, elongated letters that take up your entire torso. As showcased in the official design file cucumber dog large cream.jpg, this premium black hoodie features our signature towering typography stacked high and printed in our proprietary Cucumber Cream. Complete with our web address tucked right in the middle, it is the perfect uniform for anyone who wants to loudly advertise a sarcastic plush toy pug without having to actually explain it to strangers.
Crafted with a 100% cotton face, this hoodie is exceptionally soft on the outside while maintaining warmth and durability on the inside. Whether you are walking your own dog or aggressively avoiding social interaction at the pub, this heavy-duty layer has you covered.
The Technical Specifications:
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Exterior: 100% cotton face for a smooth, premium feel.
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Blend: 65% ring-spun cotton, 35% polyester for lasting shape and warmth.
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Storage: Classic front pouch pocket to hide your hands or your snacks.
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Detailing: Self-fabric patch on the back and a structured 3-panel hood.
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Finish: Matching flat drawstrings to keep the aesthetic clean and uncluttered.
Colonial Translation (For Our US Audience):
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Hoodie: Hooded Sweatshirt or Pullover.
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Front Pouch Pocket: Kangaroo Pocket.
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Matching Flat Drawstrings: Shoelace Drawcords.
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Pub: Your local dive bar.
Disclaimer: This hoodie runs small. For the perfect fit, we recommend ordering one size larger than your usual size.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
How long does delivery take?
Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do i wash and care for my item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
What size hoodie am I?
| Size | Chest Width (Inches) | Length (Inches) | Chest Width (cm) | Length (cm) |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| S | 20 | 27 | 50.8 | 68.6 |
| M | 21 | 28 | 53.3 | 71.1 |
| L | 23 | 29 | 58.4 | 73.7 |
| XL | 25 | 30 | 63.5 | 76.2 |
| 2XL | 26 ½ | 31 | 67.3 | 78.7 |
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.