Are Cucumber Dog ceramic mugs dishwasher and microwave safe?

Yes. All Cucumber Dog 11oz and 15oz ceramic mugs are 100% dishwasher and microwave safe. The high-gloss print is engineered to survive daily office hostility and repeated wash cycles without fading.

What sizes do Cucumber Dog novelty mugs come in?

Our sarcastic office mugs and rude retro drinkware are available in standard 11oz and oversized 15oz capacities, crafted from durable BPA-free and lead-free white ceramic.

How much is Cucumber Dog shipping to the USA and Canada, and how long does delivery take?

Cucumber Dog ships exclusively within the United States and Canada. Shipping is a flat $5.99 USD to the USA and $9.99 USD to Canada, and completely FREE on all orders over $60.00 USD. Every item requires 3 to 5 working days for production before dispatch. Total expected delivery time is 6 to 13 business days for most North American orders (and up to 15 business days for Canadian cross-border specialist colourways like Bone hoodies). Apparel and hard goods like ceramic mugs are shipped in separate parcels at no extra cost so your mug does not smash your hoodie.

What is the Cucumber Dog returns policy?

Because every item is custom printed on demand specifically for your order, we only accept returns or exchanges within 30 days for items that arrive damaged, misprinted, or defective. We do not process refunds for a change of mind or incorrect size selection.

1/9

Pat McKrotch Security & Transit Mug | Funny Pun Coffee Cup

$25.00

CJO Judgement Index LEVEL 3 / 5

Dangerously Cheeky

“"Hands-on, highly intrusive, and entirely unnecessary."”

🚚 Estimated delivery: Calculating... (though often quicker)

Free over $60. Fulfilled locally in North America. No hidden fees, no overseas logistics drama.

Step aside, citizen. Your morning brew is subject to a mandatory, thoroughly uncomfortable inspection.

Meet Officer Pat McKrotch, head of the Cucumber Dog Security & Transit Department. Sporting dark aviator sunglasses, an official blue uniform, and his signature yellow bow tie, our Chief Judgement Officer is ready to invade your personal space before you have even finished your first cup of coffee.

Designed with vintage comic book illustration styling and wrapped with the deadpan slogan, "Hands-on, highly intrusive, and entirely unnecessary," this premium ceramic mug delivers top-tier British pub humour straight to your North American desk. Whether you are surviving a pointless Monday morning Zoom call or buying a gag gift for a coworker in law enforcement, transit, or corporate security, Officer McKrotch is on duty.

Choose Your Inspection Size (Capacity Guide)

We offer this wraparound design across three generous, durable sizes so you can match your caffeine intake to the level of workplace nonsense you face today:

11oz Standard Duty: The classic everyday coffee cup. Ideal for a brisk morning brew or a standard desk ornament.
15oz Heavy Patrol: For mid-week crises when a standard cup simply will not cut it.
20oz Maximum Security: A massive, two-handed ceramic tank designed for double-shift survivors, heavy tea drinkers, and people who refuse to get up for a refill.

Product Features & Specifications

Material: 100% durable, high-gloss white ceramic that makes the vibrant blue uniform and signature Cucumber Green (#2d4c31) typography pop.
Care Instructions: Fully microwave and dishwasher safe. The high-definition sublimation print will not fade, peel, or crack under daily heat.
Ergonomics: Easy-grip C-handle across all three sizes (11oz, 15oz, and 20oz).
Safety: Lead and BPA-free tested for daily human consumption (strictly for humans; we do not make pet products).

Colonial Translation (For Our US & Canadian Friends)

Pat McKrotch (Proper Noun): A classic British phonetic pun ("Pat My Crotch"). Say it out loud to your boss during a TSA airport pat-down or a corporate compliance audit.
Bobbies / Jobsworth (Noun): British slang for an overly officiating security guard who takes immense personal pleasure in enforcing minor, irritating rules.

North American Shipping & Fulfilment

Dispatched directly from Cucumber Dog HQ exclusively to our customers in the United States and Canada:

USA Shipping: Flat rate $5.99
Canada Shipping: Flat rate $9.99
Free Shipping: Automatically applied at checkout on all orders over $60!

Tag us in your morning mugshot on Instagram at @thecucumberdog and @sircucumberdog using #thecucumberdog or visit cucumberdog.com.

Shipping

Cost: Free on orders over $60.
Delivery: Exclusively shipping within the USA and Canada. Every order is fulfilled locally.
Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3 to 5 business days for production before your freshly printed order is shipped.

Returns

Because our apparel is printed on demand just for you, we strictly do not accept returns or refunds if you simply change your mind. If the item arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we will sort it out. No stress, no fuss.

Colonial Translation

Sort it out: Fix the issue.
Change of mind: Buyer's remorse.

Frequently asked questions

Patience is a virtue, one I can see you likely do not possess. Your new vessel of disdain is printed specifically for you upon order. Production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed and shipped, we will provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.

Let me be absolutely clear. As each ceramic masterpiece is a bespoke item printed specifically for you, we do not accept returns for a sudden change of mind. Your fleeting whims are your own affair.

However, if your mug arrives looking like it wrestled a badger in transit (i.e., is damaged or misprinted), that is simply unacceptable. Contact our support minions immediately with a clear photograph of the disaster. We shall move heaven and earth to replace it and ensure you receive the perfection you paid for.

We have provided the hostile typography; now you need to do the responsible bit. Treat these items properly, or Sir Cucumber Dog will be sorely disappointed in you.

Standard Mugs (11 oz & 15 oz): Good news. These are certified high-quality ceramic. You can shove them in the dishwasher and microwave without guilt. Just do not let your incompetent colleagues steal them.
Heat Colour Changing Mugs: Listen up, these are delicate divas. HAND WASH THEM ONLY. Putting this variant in the microwave or dishwasher is a direct insult to the magic inside. You will ruin it. Do not do it.

Only if your colleagues possess a shred of self-awareness or your HR department has given up entirely. We highly recommend placing it firmly on your desk to deter pointless meetings, bad ideas, and general stupidity.