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Cucumber Dog Psychedelic Line Art White Hoodie
$77.00
Sir Cucumber Dog's Offensiveness Rating
"Weaponising a psychedelic optical illusion to induce mild nausea in anyone walking behind you is a highly effective antisocial strategy. Approved."
- CJO (Chief Judgement Officer)
🚚 Estimated delivery:
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.
Induce a mild state of confusion in anyone walking behind you. This premium white hoodie features a hypnotic, topographical optical illusion on the back designed to deliberately disorient onlookers. Rendered entirely in our official Cucumber Green, the dizzying streetwear linework subtly conceals a 'CD' monogram and the silhouette of our Chief Judgement Officer, Sir Cucumber Dog. It is a masterpiece of passive-aggressive apparel, specifically engineered to ensure people look away before they even think about anything else.
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Material Construction: Crafted with a 100 per cent cotton face and a 65 per cent ring-spun cotton, 35 per cent polyester blend for maximum warmth.
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Design Specifications: Includes a front pouch pocket, matching flat drawstrings, a structured 3-panel hood, and a self-fabric patch on the back for a premium finish.
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Corporate Policy: As our apparel is manufactured using a print-on-demand fulfillment process, we strictly limit returns and exchanges to damaged or defective items. We absolutely do not accept returns for a change of mind. Please consult the size chart carefully before placing your order.
Colonial Translation
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UK: Humour / Cosy / Colours / Centre / Behaviour / Favour
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US: Humor / Cozy / Colors / Center / Behavior / Favor
Disclaimer: This hoodie runs small. For the perfect fit, we recommend ordering one size larger than your usual size.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
How long does delivery take?
Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do i wash and care for my item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
What size hoodie am I?
| Size | Chest Width (Inches) | Length (Inches) | Chest Width (cm) | Length (cm) |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| S | 20 | 27 | 50.8 | 68.6 |
| M | 21 | 28 | 53.3 | 71.1 |
| L | 23 | 29 | 58.4 | 73.7 |
| XL | 25 | 30 | 63.5 | 76.2 |
| 2XL | 26 ½ | 31 | 67.3 | 78.7 |
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.