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Cucumber Dog Rowing Club Hoodie - Bone
$89.00
Offensive Rating
2/5 — Passive Aggressive
""We appreciate your dedication to the sport, provided the sport involves sitting in a leather armchair with a G&T whilst others get damp." — Sir Cucumber Dog, Chairman"
— Sir Cucumber Dog, CJO
Fit Warning: Runs snug. Order one size up unless you enjoy looking like a burst sausage.
Printed to order in North America. Free shipping over $60 USD.
Get ready to sit on the riverbank and watch everyone else do the heavy lifting. The Cucumber Dog Rowing Club Hoodie in Vintage Bone pairs old-money collegiate prestige with absolute, unadulterated apathy. Featuring a clean left-chest crest and a bold back graphic printed via advanced DTF (Direct to Film) technology, this hoodie delivers crisp graphics that hold their finish. Under the supervision of Sir Cucumber Dog, our distinguished Chairman who prefers observing water sports strictly from the dry comfort of a clubhouse bar, this is the ultimate everyday layering piece for the chronically unbothered.
Why It Beats Your Basic Sweatshirt
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Everyday Comfort Feel: Crafted from a comfortable mid-weight fleece that moves easily and cuts out the chill without feeling bulky or weighed down.
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Ultra-Crisp Graphic: Built with a 100% ring-spun cotton face so the Chairman's collegiate crest prints sharp, vibrant, and clean.
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Upgraded Construction: Features a structured 3-panel hood (no awkward pointy hood syndrome), matching flat drawstrings, and a clean modern drape.
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Daily Utility: Classic front kangaroo pouch pocket to keep your hands warm, stash your phone, or hide emergency snacks while avoiding small talk.
Product Specifications & Care
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Colour: Vintage Bone (styled with signature Cucumber Green and yellow accents)
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Material Blend: 55% ring-spun cotton, 45% polyester (featuring a 100% ring-spun cotton face for maximum softness)
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Fabric Weight: 8.5 oz./yd.² (288.2 g/m²)
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Fit: Standard unisex streetwear fit - we recommend sizing up one full size for an oversized, relaxed look.
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Care Instructions: Machine wash cold, inside out, with like colours. Tumble dry low or hang dry to keep the fleece interior soft.
Colonial Translation (For Our North American Cousins)
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Rowing Club / Ivy League Pullover: Classic collegiate hoodie built for looking athletic while doing absolutely zero cardiovascular exercise.
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Left-Chest & Back Print: Subtle branding on the front for polite company, and a prominent statement piece on the back so people can read your boundaries as you walk away.
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Vintage Bone: A rich, off-white heritage neutral that goes with everything from joggers to structured trousers.
Frequently Asked Questions
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How does this hoodie fit? Our structured streetwear silhouettes feature a clean, tailored cut. If you prefer a baggy, relaxed fit, order one size up.
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Where do you ship? We offer local fulfilment exclusively across the USA and Canada. All orders over $60 unlock free tracked shipping automatically at checkout.
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What is the offensive rating? 2/5: Passive Aggressive. Perfect for wearing to social gatherings where physical exertion or enthusiasm might accidentally be expected of you.
Shipping & returns
Shipping
- Cost: Flat rate of $5.99 USD for the USA and $9.99 USD for Canada. Orders over $60.00 USD ship completely FREE.
- Production Lead Time: Every item is custom-crafted to order just for you. Please allow 3 to 5 working days for printing and quality checks before your parcel is handed to the courier.
- Delivery Transit Time (Added to Production): 3 to 5 business days for the USA, and 3 to 6 business days for standard Canadian orders. Expect a total delivery window of 6 to 13 business days.
- Canadian Cross-Border Note: Most Canadian orders are printed in Toronto. However, specialist colourways (such as Bone and Forest Green) ship directly from our US print hubs (taking 6 to 12 business days in transit) and may occasionally be subject to standard Canadian GST/HST upon delivery.
- Split Parcels: Ordering both apparel and a mug? They ship in separate parcels at no extra cost so your ceramic drinkware does not crush your hoodie.
Returns
- All Sales Are Final: Because our gear is printed on demand specifically for you, we strictly do not accept returns, exchanges, or refunds if you change your mind or ignore the Size Guide. Measure twice, buy once.
- Damaged or Faulty Items: If your mug arrives shattered or the pug messed up the print, email woof@cucumberdog.com within 14 days of delivery with your order number and 2 to 3 clear photos of the fault. We will sort a free replacement immediately. No stress, no fuss.
Colonial Translation
- Working days / Parcel: Business days / Package.
- Sort a replacement: Issue a free replacement.
- Change of mind: Buyer's remorse.
Frequently asked questions
Sizing & Fit Guide
Fit Warning: This premium fleece runs snug. Take a moment to measure a hoodie you already own—do not guess your size, unless you actively want to look like a burst sausage. Order one full size up for a standard fit.
Heavyweight Fit Guide
IN / CM| Size | Chest Width | Length |
|---|---|---|
| XS | 19" / 48.3 cm | 26" / 66.0 cm |
| S | 20" / 50.8 cm | 27" / 68.6 cm |
| M | 21" / 53.3 cm | 28" / 71.1 cm |
| L | 23" / 58.4 cm | 29" / 73.7 cm |
| XL | 25" / 63.5 cm | 30" / 76.2 cm |
| 2XL | 26.5" / 67.3 cm | 31" / 78.7 cm |
| 3XL | 28" / 71.1 cm | 32" / 81.3 cm |
| 4XL | 30" / 76.2 cm | 33" / 83.8 cm |
Delivery & Print-on-Demand Policy
very single piece of heavyweight apparel, ceramic drinkware, or sarcastic accessory is custom-printed to order. Because we refuse to warehouse mountains of unsold inventory in a damp shed, our made-to-order approach means production and fulfilment take between 3 to 5 working days.
Please note: Shipping transit time is in addition to production time. Once your freshly printed gear rolls off the line and passes Sir Cucumber Dog's judgement, it is dispatched from our North American print facilities with a live tracking link so you can obsessively stalk its journey to your doorstep.
- Transit Times (Added to Fulfilment): 3 to 5 business days for the USA, and 3 to 6 business days for standard Canadian orders (6 to 12 business days for cross-border colourways). Please allow 6 to 13 business days in total before assuming your parcel has been abducted.
- Shipping Cost: A flat rate of $5.99 USD for the USA and $9.99 USD for Canada.
- Free Shipping: Automatically unlocked at checkout on all orders over $60.00 USD.
- Customs & Import Drama: Zero drama for the USA and standard Canadian orders, which are fulfilled locally inside our US and Toronto hubs. However, certain specialist garment colourways (such as our heavyweight Bone hoodies) are printed at our US facilities and shipped across the border to Canada, meaning they take slightly longer in transit and may occasionally be subject to standard Canadian GST or HST upon delivery.
- Split Parcels: Ordering both apparel and a mug? They will travel in separate parcels at no extra cost so your ceramic drinkware does not smash your hoodie in transit.
- Sizing & Returns: Because every item is custom-made to order specifically for you, we cannot accept returns or exchanges if you order the wrong size. Please check our Size Guide twice before buying. If an item arrives shattered or misprinted, email woof@cucumberdog.com within 14 days of delivery with 2 to 3 clear photos and we will sort a free replacement immediately.
Colonial Translation
- UK: Working days / Fulfilment / Dispatched / Parcel / Colourways / Sort a replacement
- US & Canada: Business days / Fulfillment / Shipped / Package / Color options / Issue a replacement
Care & Wash Instructions
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve so they outlive your enthusiasm for daily responsibilities.
- Heavyweight Apparel (Hoodies & Tees): Wash inside out on a cool machine wash (30°C / cold) with similar colours. Tumble dry on low or—preferably—air dry whilst horizontal on the sofa. Do not iron directly over the DTF print unless you enjoy ruining things.
- Standard Ceramic Mugs: Entirely dishwasher safe and microwave friendly.