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The 'Genuinely Exhausting' Office Mug
$25.00
Offensive Rating
4/5 — Blatantly Disrespectful
""A highly efficient way to inform human resources that you are exactly one redundant anecdote away from walking out the door.""
Free over $60. Fulfilled locally in North America. No hidden fees, no overseas logistics drama.
Product Description
Some meetings could have been an email; some colleagues simply should not speak at all. Enter Sir Cucumber, your new Chief Auditor of Effort. The 'Genuinely Exhausting' mug is the ultimate desk accessory for surviving redundant anecdotes, pointless questions, and unnecessary repetition.
Featuring our devastatingly dapper pug diligently cataloguing the sheer incompetence of everyone around him, this premium ceramic vessel does the heavy lifting of telling people to go away so you do not have to. It is the perfect passive-aggressive corporate gift for the professional who is running on empty and fuelled entirely by spite and Earl Grey. Place it prominently next to your keyboard to ensure absolute silence when you are trying to work.
Product Details:
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Premium ceramic build engineered to withstand the dishwasher, the microwave, and aggressive desk-slamming.
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Features a crisp, high-definition print of Sir Cucumber Dog in his signature Cucumber Green suit, complete with his auditing paperwork.
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The ideal capacity for copious amounts of tea to help you tolerate the workday peasantry.
Shipping & Returns
Shipping
- Cost: Free on orders over $60.
- Delivery: Exclusively shipping within the USA and Canada. Every order is fulfilled locally.
- Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3 to 5 business days for production before your freshly printed order is shipped.
Returns
- Because our apparel is printed on demand just for you, we strictly do not accept returns or refunds if you simply change your mind. If the item arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we will sort it out. No stress, no fuss.
Colonial Translation
- Sort it out: Fix the issue.
- Change of mind: Buyer's remorse.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your measurements. Our premium apparel uses standard unisex sizing, but assuming you know your exact fit is a terrible strategy. Because our inventory is strictly printed on demand, we absolutely do not accept returns or process refunds if you simply order the wrong size or change your mind. Returns and exchanges are reserved solely for genuinely damaged or defective goods.
Please consult the highly accurate size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking two minutes to measure a garment you already own is the most effective way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
| Size | Body Length (inches) | Chest Width (inches) | Sleeve Length (inches) |
|---|---|---|---|
| S | 27 ⅛ | 19 ½ | 8 ⅞ |
| M | 28 ¾ | 21 | 9 ½ |
| L | 29 ½ | 22 ¼ | 9 ⅝ |
| XL | 30 ¼ | 23 ⅜ | 9 ⅞ |
| 2XL | 31 ⅛ | 25.00 | 10 |
| 3XL | 31 ⅞ | 26 ⅝ | 10 ¼ |
| 4XL | 32 ⅝ | 28 ½ | 10 ¼ |
| 5XL | 33 ⅛ | 30 ½ | 10 ¼ |
How long does delivery take?
very piece of apparel or sarcastic accessory is custom made to order. This print on demand approach means production takes between 2 to 5 business days. Once printed, the package goes out with a tracking link. Standard shipping is calculated at checkout, with free shipping automatically unlocked on orders over $60.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do I wash and care for this item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.