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The Gher-King T-Shirt
£19.99
We print everything to order—because we hate waste and dusty stock. Due to this highly customised effort, delivery takes 4–8 days (yes, you have to wait). If you’re lucky, it’s 2–5. We’ll send a dispatch email when your stuff is finally on its way.
All hail the one true monarch. Forget the Windsors, there's a new sovereign in town, and his reign is crunchy, vinegary, and utterly absurd. This T-shirt is the official uniform for all loyal subjects of the pug in the cucumber suit.
This tee proclaims your allegiance to the one and only The Gher-King: Sir Cucumber Dog. Featuring his noble silhouette above the bold, regal title, it's a statement of taste, loyalty, and your appreciation for a truly majestic pun. Below the title, his official house name, "Cucumber Dog," is displayed for all the commoners to see.
Perfect for loyal subjects, pickle enthusiasts, pug lovers, and anyone who appreciates that true power comes not from a crown, but from a monocle made of cucumber. Wear it with pride. Show the world you serve a higher, greener power. Long live The Gher-King.
Why You Must Pledge Allegiance to This Tee:
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A Majestic Pun: A pun so gloriously stupid, it circles all the way back to being brilliant.
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Declare Your Loyalty: Show everyone you're a card-carrying member of the Cucumber Dog kingdom.
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Royal Mail, On The House: Dispatched to all corners of the realm with Free UK Shipping.
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Supreme Comfort: Made from soft, sturdy cotton, fit for a monarch (or one of their loyal followers).
The Fiddly Bits (Royal Decree & Specs):
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Fabric Composition:
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Solid colours are 100% cotton.
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Sport Grey is 90% cotton, 10% polyester.
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Ash Grey is 99% cotton, 1% polyester.
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Heather colours are a 50/50 cotton/polyester blend fit for royalty.
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Fabric Weight: A solid 5.0–5.3 oz/yd² (170-180 g/m²). A fabric of noble substance.
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Construction: Made with open-end yarn and tubular fabric, with a taped neck and shoulders. Plus double seams at the sleeves and bottom hem. Built to withstand a peasant revolt.
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Sourced From: Our blank tees are sourced from various commonwealths and kingdoms (Honduras, Nicaragua, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Bangladesh, Mexico).
A Note On Your Order (A Garment Decreed Just For You): We don't keep a royal stockpile of these tees. Each one is decreed and printed fresh just for you the moment you place your order. This on-demand wizardry means it takes a little longer to arrive, but it's brilliant for preventing waste in the kingdom. So you're being a thoughtful subject. We are pleased.
Heads-Up (Disclaimers):
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The White tee is more of an 'off-white'. It's a distinguished, regal cream, if you will.
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The Natural colour has dark speckles in it. It's a feature, not a flaw.
Size guide
| LENGTH (inches) | WIDTH (inches) | SLEEVE LENGTH (inches) | |
| S | 28 | 18 | 15 ⅝ |
| M | 29 | 20 | 17 |
| L | 30 | 22 | 18 ½ |
| XL | 31 | 24 | 20 |
| 2XL | 32 | 26 | 21 ½ |
| 3XL | 33 | 28 | 22 ¾ |
| LENGTH (cm) | WIDTH (cm) | SLEEVE LENGTH (cm) | |
| S | 71.1 | 45.7 | 39.7 |
| M | 73.7 | 50.8 | 43.2 |
| L | 76.2 | 55.9 | 47 |
| XL | 78.7 | 61 | 50.8 |
| 2XL | 81.3 | 66 | 54.6 |
| 3XL | 83.8 | 71.1 | 58 |
Every brilliant mug, tee, or coaster you order is made especially for you using print-on-demand. This custom process is personally overseen by our mascot, Sir Cucumber Dog, who ensures his cucumber monocle is positioned just right for the official 'Pug of Approval' stamp. Because we don't hold stock and craft everything bespoke, your order takes a little longer to arrive than rushed, mass-produced items. But this extra time guarantees a high-quality, perfectly rude, and funny product made just for you!
