Welcome to the official shipping guide. We know you are aggressively impatient to get your sweary mugs and cheeky tees. Sir Cucumber Dog has personally approved these logistics to ensure everything runs with ruthless efficiency.

Where We Ship We currently deliver across the UK and the USA. Rest of the world? Not yet. We are working on it. Please keep your pants on.

Shipping Costs UK and US delivery is totally free. There are no hidden fees. There are no checkout surprises. We simply absorb the cost so you have one less thing to complain about.

Handling and Transit Times To prevent massive warehouses full of unsold stock, every item is made to order. Your items are printed specifically for you the moment you hit buy.

• Processing Time: Usually 2 to 5 business days.

• Transit Time: Typically 2 to 4 business days after dispatch.

• Total Estimated Delivery: You can expect your parcel to arrive in approximately 4 to 9 business days.

Order Tracking You will receive a dispatch confirmation email containing your tracking information the moment your parcel leaves the facility. If you do not see it, check your spam folder. If it is still missing, email us at woof@cucumberdog.com.

Address Errors Entered your shipping address incorrectly? It happens to the best of us. Let us know immediately. We will update the details if the order has not entered production. If it has already shipped, we cannot reroute it, and you will need to reorder.

Delivery Delays Logistical delays occasionally happen due to postal strikes, severe weather, or total societal collapse. We will keep you in the loop regarding any drama. If your parcel is seriously delayed, get in touch and we will investigate.

Returns Policy (Change of Mind) Because your item is a bespoke masterpiece printed specifically for you the moment you order, we do not accept returns or offer refunds for a sudden change of heart. If you cannot handle the sass, do not buy the merchandise.

Damaged Orders If your item arrives broken or battered by the postal service, email us immediately. Send photographic evidence to woof@cucumberdog.com within 14 days of delivery. We will issue a replacement or a refund, whichever resolves the issue fastest.

Customer Support Still confused? Email the team at woof@cucumberdog.com. We will answer your logistics questions, provided you ask nicely.