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Threateningly Positive Flower T-Shirt: Have A Wonderful Day Or Else
£21.99
Estimated delivery:
🚚 FREE Shipping to the UK & USA
Sir Cucumber Dog's Offensiveness Rating
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"Aggressive positivity with a hint of menace."
- CJO (Chief Judgement Officer)
Sometimes you just want to spread joy, aggressively. The "Have A Wonderful Day, OR ELSE" t-shirt perfectly captures the hilarious visual whiplash between a delicate, vintage style smiling daisy and the heavy, textured clay brick it is about to throw. Designed with a mix of elegant cursive and brutalist block typography, this tee is the ultimate statement piece for fans of dark humour and ironic aesthetics.
This t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels delightfully soft and lightweight with exactly the right amount of stretch.
The Anatomy of the Tee
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The Fabric: Crafted from 100% combed and ring-spun cotton. We skipped the cheap stuff and combed out the impurities to leave you with a ridiculously soft, premium finish. (If you opt for a heathered colour, there is a touch of polyester mixed in for that vintage texture).
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The Weight: Clocking in at 142 g/m² (4.2 oz./yd.²), it is exceptionally breathable and drapes exactly how a good tee should, without feeling heavy or restrictive.
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The Build: Pre-shrunk so it will not magically turn into a crop top after its first wash. We use tailored side seams and reinforced shoulder taping to ensure it holds its shape and flatters your frame, wear after wear.
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The Sourcing: We start with high quality, ethically sourced garments before meticulously applying our signature Cucumber Dog artwork.
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A Quick Warning: The beautifully lightweight nature of the fabric means lighter colours can be slightly sheer in direct sunlight. Plan your undergarments accordingly.
Size guide
| LENGTH (inches) | WIDTH (inches) | CHEST (inches) | |
| XS | 27 | 16 ½ | 31-34 |
| S | 28 | 18 | 34-37 |
| M | 29 | 20 | 38-41 |
| L | 30 | 22 | 42-45 |
| XL | 31 | 24 | 46-49 |
| 2XL | 32 | 26 | 50-53 |
| 3XL | 33 | 28 | 54-57 |
| 4XL | 34 | 30 | 58-61 |
| LENGTH (cm) | WIDTH (cm) | CHEST (cm) | |
| XS | 68.6 | 42 | 78.7-86.4 |
| S | 71.1 | 45.7 | 86.4-94 |
| M | 73.7 | 50.8 | 96.5-104.1 |
| L | 76.2 | 55.9 | 106.7-114.3 |
| XL | 78.7 | 61 | 116.8-124.5 |
| 2XL | 81.3 | 66 | 127-134.6 |
| 3XL | 83.8 | 71.1 | 137.2-144.8 |
| 4XL | 86.4 | 76.2 | 147.3-155 |
Shipping & Returns
Return policy
Our goal is for every customer to be totally satisfied with their purchase. If this isn't the case, let us know and we'll do our best to work with you to make it right.
Shipping
We will work quickly to ship your order as soon as possible. Once your order has shipped, you will receive an email with further information. Delivery times vary depending on your location.
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.
- Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
- Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3-5 business days for production before it departs our green-lit HQ.
- Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we’ll sort it. No stress, no fuss.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
How long does delivery take?
We are unable to accept returns on certain items. These will be carefully marked before purchase.
When will I get my order?
Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do I wash and care for this item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.