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Two Brain Cells Mug | Sir Cucumber Dog
£17.00
Sale price
£17.00
Regular price
Sir Cucumber Dog's Offensiveness Rating
A generous assessment of your average co-worker. I am surprised most of them remember to breathe, let alone operate a kettle. Positively dim.
- CJO (Chief Judgement Officer)
🚚 Estimated delivery:
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.
A Scientific Analysis of Modern Intelligence
It has come to the Chairman’s attention that many of you are operating on a severely limited internal processing unit. Sir Cucumber Dog has observed that for most of the population, there are exactly two brain cells remaining: and they are currently fighting for third place.
This premium ceramic vessel is not just a mug, it is a diagnostic tool for your office environment. Whether you are drinking a robust English breakfast tea or a double espresso to jumpstart your own stalled neurons, this mug serves as a constant reminder of the intellectual desert you navigate daily. Featuring Sir Cucumber Dog in his signature cucumber print suit and monocle, looking on with a mixture of pity and aristocratic boredom, it is the ultimate gift for the person who is tired of explaining simple concepts to their colleagues.
Why You Absolutely Require This Vessel
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Elite Social Commentary: This is the most sophisticated way to tell someone they are a few sandwiches short of a picnic without actually saying a word.
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Professional Grade Ceramic: Crafted from high-gloss white ceramic to ensure the vibrant Cucumber green and yellow accents pop against the pristine background.
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Built to Last: Just because the subject matter is flimsy doesn't mean the mug is. This is a sturdy piece of kitchenware designed to withstand the dishwasher and the microwave.
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Universal Truth: Whether you are in a boardroom or a break room, the message remains painfully relevant. It is a masterclass in British sarcasm.
Technical Specifications for the Discerning
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Size Options: Available in 11oz for a standard hit of caffeine, or 15oz for those who need extra volume to cope with the surrounding mediocrity.
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Safety First: Entirely BPA and lead-free. We care about your health, even if we have given up on your intellectual potential.
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Print Quality: We use elite printing partners to ensure the Chairman’s scowl remains crisp and judgemental for years to come.
Shipping & Returns
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.
- Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
- Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3-5 business days for production before it departs our green-lit HQ.
- Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we’ll sort it. No stress, no fuss.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
How long does delivery take?
We are unable to accept returns on certain items. These will be carefully marked before purchase.
When will I get my order?
Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do I wash and care for this item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.