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Cucumber Dog Free Rent Navy Hoodie
$77.00
Sir Cucumber Dog's Offensiveness Rating
"Establishing a fictional real estate agency solely to mock people who obsess over you is an excellent use of company resources. Approved."
- CJO (Chief Judgement Officer)
🚚 Estimated delivery:
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.
Evict your enemies from your thoughts, but ensure you remain permanently in theirs. This premium navy hoodie features the phrase 'FREE RENT' in bold, arched orange collegiate lettering with a cream outline, positioned prominently above 'CUCUMBER DOG REAL ESTATE' in matching cream typography. Applied using advanced DTF (Direct to Film) printing technology, the graphic delivers exceptional durability, crisp edges, and vibrant colour that will survive endless cycles in the washing machine. It is the perfect varsity style layer for reminding everyone exactly who occupies the premium real estate in their minds.
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Material Construction: Crafted with a 100 per cent cotton face and a 65 per cent ring-spun cotton, 35 per cent polyester blend for maximum warmth.
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Design Specifications: Includes a front pouch pocket, matching flat drawstrings, a structured 3-panel hood, and a self-fabric patch on the back for a premium finish.
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Shipping and Corporate Policy: We currently offer fulfilment exclusively to the USA and Canada to streamline our operations, and we provide free shipping on all orders over $60. As our apparel is manufactured using a print on demand process, we strictly limit returns and exchanges to damaged or defective items. We absolutely do not accept returns for a change of mind. Please consult the size chart carefully before placing your order.
Colonial Translation
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UK: Humour / Cosy / Colours / Centre / Behaviour / Fulfilment / Colour
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US: Humor / Cozy / Colors / Center / Behavior / Fulfillment / Color
The 20-Word Hook
Disclaimer: This hoodie runs small. For the perfect fit, we recommend ordering one size larger than your usual size.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
How long does delivery take?
Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do i wash and care for my item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
What size hoodie am I?
| Size | Chest Width (Inches) | Length (Inches) | Chest Width (cm) | Length (cm) |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| S | 20 | 27 | 50.8 | 68.6 |
| M | 21 | 28 | 53.3 | 71.1 |
| L | 23 | 29 | 58.4 | 73.7 |
| XL | 25 | 30 | 63.5 | 76.2 |
| 2XL | 26 ½ | 31 | 67.3 | 78.7 |
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.