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Drawn With A Blunt Crayon | Sarcastic Office Mug
£12.99
Estimated delivery:
🚚 FREE Shipping to the UK & USA
Sir Cucumber Dog's Offensiveness Rating
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"A surgical strike on both their sense of humour and their general right to exist."
- CJO (Chief Judgement Officer)
Are you entirely exhausted by colleagues who mistake themselves for comedians? We have engineered the perfect visual deterrent. This premium ceramic mug operates as a highly functional boundary for your office desk, designed specifically to silence the local workplace joker before they can deliver another terrible punchline. It is the perfect passive aggressive gift for a deeply fatigued professional, or a brilliant daily shield for your own morning coffee when you simply cannot pretend to laugh anymore.
Set against our signature Cucumber cream backdrop, the flat vector artwork captures a painfully familiar corporate interaction. Our aristocratic mascot, Sir Cucumber Dog (a plush pug), is impeccably dressed in his bespoke green cucumber print suit and crisp yellow bow tie, with his signature cucumber monocle placed firmly over his right eye. He is forced to endure a tragic animal pun from a crudely sketched bear. Refusing to entertain the nonsense, the pug delivers the devastating, clinically precise verdict in clean, dictionary style text: "This is exactly why you were drawn with a blunt crayon."
Technical Specifications:
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Premium Ceramic Construction: Choose the standard 11 oz size for quick caffeine hits, or the large 15 oz size for days requiring maximum endurance against office stupidity.
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Flawless Sublimation Print: Custom printed to order using state of the art dye sublimation. The high heat process ensures the crisp typography and vibrant colours are bonded permanently to the ceramic glaze.
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Daily Durability: 100% microwave and dishwasher safe. The absolute savagery will never fade, no matter how many times you wash it.
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Global Dispatch: Enjoy completely free shipping across both the UK and the USA.
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The Brand Guarantee: Look for the official @thecucumberdog handle printed proudly at the base of the design.
Shipping & Returns
Return policy
Our goal is for every customer to be totally satisfied with their purchase. If this isn't the case, let us know and we'll do our best to work with you to make it right.
Shipping
We will work quickly to ship your order as soon as possible. Once your order has shipped, you will receive an email with further information. Delivery times vary depending on your location.
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.
- Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
- Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3-5 business days for production before it departs our green-lit HQ.
- Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we’ll sort it. No stress, no fuss.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
How long does delivery take?
We are unable to accept returns on certain items. These will be carefully marked before purchase.
When will I get my order?
Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do I wash and care for this item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.