I'm As Confused As Me T-Shirt

What's going on? Who am I? Why did I walk into this room? If you're in a permanent state of bewilderment and your own brain is a mystery, this t-shirt is your new uniform.

It's the perfect, nonsensical statement for a confusing existence. "I'm As Confused As Me." It's a loop. It's a riddle. It makes no sense, and yet... it makes all the sense.

Sir Cucumber Dog is right there with you. That's not a look of judgment on his face (for once); it's pure, unfiltered confusion. He's not sure how he got here, why he's wearing a cucumber, or what day it is. He is, quite simply, as confused as himself.

This tee is the perfect way to:

• Announce your bewilderment to the world.

• Confuse people who try to understand your shirt.

• Justify your life choices (or lack thereof).

• Find your fellow confused souls in the wild.

Crafted from premium soft cotton (because one less thing to be confused about), this shirt is an essential for anyone who is just trying their best, but mostly just... confused.

The Boring (But Important) Specs

Look, we know you're just here for the rude pug, but you're also buying a t-shirt. Even a profoundly confused pug like Sir Cucumber Dog appreciates quality. We can't have you looking like a total slob while you're wandering around aimlessly.

So, here's the tea on what you're actually buying.

• The Guts: It’s a solid, 100% cotton tee. Soft, breathable, and perfect for having an existential crisis in.

• The Fancy Blends: If you're picking a "special" colour, the materials change. Don't act surprised.

  • Sport Grey: 90% cotton, 10% polyester (for that athletic "I'm running, but I don't know why" look).

  • Ash Grey: 99% cotton, 1% polyester (barely different, but sounds fancier).

  • Heather Colours: A 50/50 split of cotton and polyester (because you're complicated).

• The He-Man Build: This isn't some flimsy rag. It’s a respectable 5.0–5.3 oz/yd² (170-180 g/m²) fabric. It’s built with open-end yarn and tubular fabric, which means it's a classic tee with no annoying side seams to add to your confusion.

• The Stuff That Stops It From Falling Apart: We taped the neck and shoulders and put double seams on the sleeves and bottom hem. This shirt will likely outlast your current train of thought.

• Sourcing: The blank shirt is sourced from places like Honduras, Nicaragua, Haiti, the Dominican Republic, Bangladesh, or Mexico. Now you know.

A Few Annoying Disclaimers

(Read this before you complain to us.)

• On the Colour "White": Our "White" shirt is more of an "off-white." It's not the blinding, angelic white of a new appliance. Think... the colour of a slightly disappointed cloud.

• On the Colour "Natural": This colour has little dark speckles in it. That is intentional. It's part of the rustic charm. Don't email us about "specks." We will judge you.

Now, For the "Good Person" Part

We don't just have a giant, dusty warehouse full of these things like some soulless corporation. When you place an order, we make this product especially for you.

Yes, this means it takes a bit longer to get to your doorstep. Have patience. Your new uniform for being perpetually confused can wait a few extra days.

Why do we do this? It's called "on-demand," and it means we don't make massive piles of crap that end up in a landfill. It cuts down on overproduction.

So, while your brain might be a mess, thank you for accidentally making a thoughtful purchasing decision and doing a good thing for the planet. Go you.

Size guide