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My Dog Schedule T-shirt
£19.99
We print everything to order—because we hate waste and dusty stock. Due to this highly customised effort, delivery takes 4–8 days (yes, you have to wait). If you’re lucky, it’s 2–5. We’ll send a dispatch email when your stuff is finally on its way.
You see those cutesy social media posts about a dog's life? Walks in the park, snoozing in sunbeams... Lies. All of it. This T-shirt is the real, unvarnished, slightly sticky truth. This is the actual schedule your furry little menace operates on, from the crack of dawn until they claim your pillow as their own personal fart-cushion.
This tee lays out the "Dog's Schedule" in a helpful, itemised list: an 8 AM crotch inspection, a midday "gourmet" snack found in a bush, a 4 PM attempt to share that flavour with your mouth, and finally, the 9 PM head-based takeover. It’s a day of dedication, focus, and questionable hygiene. At the bottom, Sir Cucumber Dog confirms this is, indeed, standard procedure.
The perfect gift for any dog owner who's stopped questioning why they have a tiny, disgusting dictator running their lives.
Why This Shirt Is Painfully Accurate:
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The Unspoken Truth: Finally, a shirt that acknowledges the grim reality of dog ownership.
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Hilariously Grim: Guaranteed to get a knowing, slightly horrified laugh from fellow dog owners.
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Royal Mail, On The House: Dispatched with Free UK Shipping, because you've already spent enough on vet bills for that "gross thing" they ate.
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Supreme Comfort: Made from soft, sturdy cotton, perfect for wiping away an unsolicited face lick.
The Fiddly Bits (Specs):
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Fabric Composition:
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Solid colours are 100% cotton.
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Sport Grey is 90% cotton, 10% polyester.
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Ash Grey is 99% cotton, 1% polyester.
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Heather colours are a 50/50 cotton/polyester blend of questionable life choices.
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Fabric Weight: A solid 5.0–5.3 oz/yd² (170-180 g/m²).
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Construction: Made with open-end yarn and tubular fabric, with a taped neck and shoulders. Plus double seams at the sleeves and bottom hem. Built to withstand the daily chaos.
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Sourced From: Our blank tees are sourced from various corners of the world (Honduras, Nicaragua, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Bangladesh, Mexico).
A Note On Your Order (It's made fresh, just for you): This shirt isn't sitting around waiting. Each one is printed fresh just for you the moment you place your order. This on-demand wizardry means it takes a little longer to arrive, but it's brilliant for cutting down on waste. So you're being a thoughtful consumer, even while contemplating your dog's hygiene.
Heads-Up (Disclaimers):
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The White tee is more of an 'off-white'.
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The Natural colour has dark speckles in it. It's a feature, not a flaw.
Size guide
| LENGTH (inches) | WIDTH (inches) | SLEEVE LENGTH (inches) | |
| S | 28 | 18 | 15 ⅝ |
| M | 29 | 20 | 17 |
| L | 30 | 22 | 18 ½ |
| XL | 31 | 24 | 20 |
| 2XL | 32 | 26 | 21 ½ |
| 3XL | 33 | 28 | 22 ¾ |
Every brilliant mug, tee, or coaster you order is made especially for you using print-on-demand. This custom process is personally overseen by our mascot, Sir Cucumber Dog, who ensures his cucumber monocle is positioned just right for the official 'Pug of Approval' stamp. Because we don't hold stock and craft everything bespoke, your order takes a little longer to arrive than rushed, mass-produced items. But this extra time guarantees a high-quality, perfectly rude, and funny product made just for you!
