Skip to product information
My Therapist Told Me T-Shirt
£19.99
We print everything to order—because we hate waste and dusty stock. Due to this highly customised effort, delivery takes 4–8 days (yes, you have to wait). If you’re lucky, it’s 2–5. We’ll send a dispatch email when your stuff is finally on its way.
Therapy is all about breakthroughs. This is one of them. Your therapist said, "Be more open," and you, being the diligent patient you are, took that advice literally. This T-shirt is for anyone who's ever been forced into a social situation when they'd rather be at home binge-watching TV.
With the word "THERAPIST" highlighted in our signature lime green, this tee is a masterclass in malicious compliance. It says, "Yes, I am physically present. No, I will not be participating further." Observing your reluctant social debut is Sir Cucumber Dog, silently nodding in solidarity. He gets it. He'd rather be in his basket, too.
This is the perfect uniform for family gatherings, work parties, and any event you were emotionally blackmailed into attending. You're not being antisocial; you're following professional advice.
Why This Shirt Is Cheaper Than A Therapy Session:
-
Perfectly Passive-Aggressive: The ultimate statement for the unwilling socialite.
-
Free UK Shipping: We'll deliver your cry for help directly to your door, at no extra cost.
-
Sir Cucumber Dog Approved: Our pug-faced companion understands your plight and stands with you in awkward silence.
-
Maximum Comfort for Minimal Effort: Made from soft cotton, ideal for standing in a corner and blending in with the wallpaper.
The Technical Mumbo-Jumbo (Specs):
-
Fabric Composition:
-
Solid colours are 100% cotton.
-
Sport Grey is 90% cotton, 10% polyester.
-
Ash Grey is 99% cotton, 1% polyester.
-
Heather colours are a 50/50 cotton/polyester blend of social anxiety.
-
-
Fabric Weight: A solid 5.0–5.3 oz/yd² (170-180 g/m²). It's got more substance than your desire to be here.
-
Construction: Made with open-end yarn and tubular fabric, with a taped neck and shoulders. Plus double seams at the sleeves and bottom hem. It’s built to withstand awkward encounters.
-
Sourced From: Our blank tees come from various corners of the world (Honduras, Nicaragua, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Bangladesh, Mexico).
A Note On Your Order (Your personal breakthrough is made to order): We don't keep stacks of these tees lying around. Each one is printed fresh just for you the moment you click 'buy'. This on-demand approach means it might take a tad longer to arrive, but it's brilliant for cutting down on waste. So, while you're working on yourself, you're also being a surprisingly thoughtful consumer.
Heads-Up (Disclaimers - let's be open about this):
-
The White tee is more of an 'off-white'. Don't expect pristine, pure-as-the-driven-snow white.
-
The Natural colour has dark speckles in it. It's a feature, not a flaw.
Size guide
| LENGTH (inches) | WIDTH (inches) | SLEEVE LENGTH (inches) | |
| S | 28 | 18 | 15 ⅝ |
| M | 29 | 20 | 17 |
| L | 30 | 22 | 18 ½ |
| XL | 31 | 24 | 20 |
| 2XL | 32 | 26 | 21 ½ |
| 3XL | 33 | 28 | 22 ¾ |
| LENGTH (cm) | WIDTH (cm) | SLEEVE LENGTH (cm) | |
| S | 71.1 | 45.7 | 39.7 |
| M | 73.7 | 50.8 | 43.2 |
| L | 76.2 | 55.9 | 47 |
| XL | 78.7 | 61 | 50.8 |
| 2XL | 81.3 | 66 | 54.6 |
| 3XL | 83.8 | 71.1 | 58 |
Every brilliant mug, tee, or coaster you order is made especially for you using print-on-demand. This custom process is personally overseen by our mascot, Sir Cucumber Dog, who ensures his cucumber monocle is positioned just right for the official 'Pug of Approval' stamp. Because we don't hold stock and craft everything bespoke, your order takes a little longer to arrive than rushed, mass-produced items. But this extra time guarantees a high-quality, perfectly rude, and funny product made just for you!
