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A vintage illustration of a male paving contractor leaning on a shovel next to a pile of cobblestones, featuring the text Phil McCraken Paving Services printed on the back of a white t-shirt.
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  • A vintage illustration of a male paving contractor leaning on a shovel next to a pile of cobblestones, featuring the text Phil McCraken Paving Services printed on the back of a white t-shirt.
  • A vintage illustration of a male paving contractor leaning on a shovel next to a pile of cobblestones, featuring the text Phil McCraken Paving Services printed on the back of a white t-shirt.
  • A vintage illustration of a male paving contractor leaning on a shovel next to a pile of cobblestones, featuring the text Phil McCraken Paving Services printed on the back of a white t-shirt.
  • A model wearing a vintage illustration of a male paving contractor leaning on a shovel next to a pile of cobblestones, featuring the text Phil McCraken Paving Services printed on the back of a white t-shirt.
Phil McCraken Paving Services Tee

Phil McCraken Paving Services Tee

£21.99

Sir Cucumber Dog's Offensiveness Rating

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"Sir Cucumber Dog notes that while solid infrastructure is vital, Mr. McCraken's approach to crevice management requires immediate administrative review. He highly recommends avoiding all bending and heavy lifting while wearing this garment."
- CJO (Chief Judgement Officer)

🚚 Estimated delivery:

Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.

The Heavy Infrastructure Division Welcome to the heavy infrastructure division. This premium white tee introduces the world to Phil McCraken Paving Services via a massive back print graphic. While the vintage tradesman aesthetic and meticulously drawn cobblestones suggest highly competent manual labour, the tagline "We get right down into your deepest crevices" completely undermines any professional credibility. We entirely reject standard contractor decorum in favour of blatant structural innuendo. It is the perfect attire for anyone who appreciates aggressive tradesman humour and making the local pub deeply uncomfortable on a Friday afternoon.

Technical Specifications We absolutely refuse to print our suggestive construction humour on inferior garments. This back print tee is built to strict premium specifications using our global network of bespoke print facilities.

  • Material: 100% combed and ring-spun cotton for an exceptionally soft feel and clean finish (unlike some poorly paved driveways we have seen).

  • Fabric Weight: A perfectly balanced 4.2 oz./yd.² (142 g/m²) ensuring the shirt is lightweight yet completely opaque.

  • Durability: Constructed with pre-shrunk fabric and side-seamed construction to protect your structural integrity during heavy lifting or extended pub sessions.

  • Global Fulfillment: Printed and routed locally, meaning faster delivery times whether you are operating your heavy machinery in the UK or the USA.

Corporate Compliance When a client asks for a quote on filling their crevices, maintain unbroken eye contact and submit the site evidence to our administrative peasantry by tagging @thecucumberdog on Instagram using #thecucumberdog. Unfamiliar with our Chief Judgement Officer? Read the [Official Lore of Sir Cucumber Dog] to understand exactly why this garment exists.

Colonial Translation

  • British English: Humour / Labour / Tradesman / Pub

  • American English: Humor / Labor / Contractor / Bar

  • Context: A highly specialised garment designed to ensure your local contractor is never taken seriously again in both domestic and corporate settings across the pond.
Delivery & Returns

very product is custom manufactured to order. This prevents mass-production landfill waste and ensures your item is freshly printed just for you. Because of this dedicated process, it takes a few extra days to arrive.

  • 🚚 FREE Shipping to the UK & USA on all orders.
  • UK Estimated Delivery: 5 to 9 calendar days.
  • USA Estimated Delivery: 6 to 10 calendar days.

Returns: If your item arrives misprinted, damaged, or defective, contact us within 30 days and we will replace it immediately. Please check the size guide carefully before ordering; because everything is custom made, we do not accept returns for buyer's remorse.
When will I receive my order?

We source high-grade materials and use industry-leading, eco-friendly printing technology to ensure the cynical text stays crisp.

  • Apparel Care: Machine wash cold, inside-out, on a gentle cycle with mild detergent. Tumble dry on low or, ideally, hang dry. Do not iron directly over the printed graphic.
What's my size?
Size Guide +
Size Length
(in / cm)		 Width
(in / cm)		 Chest
(in / cm)
XS 27 / 68.6 16 ½ / 42 31-34 / 78.7-86.4
S 28 / 71.1 18 / 45.7 34-37 / 86.4-94
M 29 / 73.7 20 / 50.8 38-41 / 96.5-104.1
L 30 / 76.2 22 / 55.9 42-45 / 106.7-114.3
XL 31 / 78.7 24 / 61 46-49 / 116.8-124.5
2XL 32 / 81.3 26 / 66 50-53 / 127-134.6
3XL 33 / 83.8 28 / 71.1 54-57 / 137.2-144.8
4XL 34 / 86.4 30 / 76.2 58-61 / 147.3-155

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