Skip to product information
Smashin It T-shirt
£19.99
We print everything to order—because we hate waste and dusty stock. Due to this highly customised effort, delivery takes 4–8 days (yes, you have to wait). If you’re lucky, it’s 2–5. We’ll send a dispatch email when your stuff is finally on its way.
You never thought it would happen. All those years, you resisted the urge to yell at clouds, complain about "kids these days," and make suspicious noises when you stand up. But here you are. Grumpy, glorious, and absolutely "Smashin' It." This T-shirt is your official uniform.
With "I NEVER DREAMED I'D BECOME A GRUMPY OLD MAN..." setting the scene in crisp white, the punchline "BUT HERE I AM, SMASHIN' IT" explodes in our signature, unapologetic lime green. It's a declaration. A triumph. A grumpy roar of success. And who's that approving your curmudgeonly ascent? Sir Cucumber Dog, giving a subtle nod of respect for a life well-grumbled.
Perfect for the seasoned gentleman who has perfected the art of disdain, the grandad who's leaning into his inner grouch, or anyone who's embracing their inner cantankerous elder. This shirt says, "I'm not getting older, I'm just getting better at being annoyed."
Why This Tee Is Your New Favourite (Don't argue):
-
The Ultimate Confession: A relatable, hilarious ode to embracing your inner curmudgeon.
-
Free UK Shipping: We'll deliver this masterpiece of grumpiness right to your door, no extra faff.
-
Signature Style: Features the iconic Sir Cucumber Dog silhouette and your favourite shade of 'get-off-my-lawn' lime green.
-
Built to Last: Made from comfy, sturdy cotton, because you've got years of complaining ahead of you.
The Fabric & Fiddly Bits (Specs for the discerning gentleman):
-
Fabric Composition:
-
Solid colours are 100% cotton – because scratchy shirts are another thing to complain about.
-
Sport Grey is 90% cotton, 10% polyester.
-
Ash Grey is 99% cotton, 1% polyester.
-
Heather colours are a 50/50 cotton/polyester blend.
-
-
Fabric Weight: A solid 5.0–5.3 oz/yd² (170-180 g/m²). Not too flimsy for your esteemed physique.
-
Construction: Made with open-end yarn and tubular fabric, with a taped neck and shoulders. Plus double seams at the sleeves and bottom hem. It's proper quality, unlike modern youth.
-
Sourced From: Our blank tees come from various corners of the world (Honduras, Nicaragua, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Bangladesh, Mexico).
A Note On Your Order (We're not as impatient as you): We don't keep piles of these beauties gathering dust. Each tee is printed fresh just for you the moment you click 'buy'. This on-demand wizardry means it takes a little longer to arrive, but it also cuts down on waste. So, while you're mastering the art of the withering glance, you're also being surprisingly eco-friendly. Good on you.
Heads-Up (Disclaimers - because we don't need more reasons to be grumpy):
-
The White tee is more of an 'off-white'. Don't expect blinding white. It’s got a bit of a vintage grumpiness to it.
-
The Natural colour has dark speckles in it. It's a feature, not a flaw. Stop complaining.
Size guide
| LENGTH (inches) | WIDTH (inches) | SLEEVE LENGTH (inches) | |
| S | 28 | 18 | 15 ⅝ |
| M | 29 | 20 | 17 |
| L | 30 | 22 | 18 ½ |
| XL | 31 | 24 | 20 |
| 2XL | 32 | 26 | 21 ½ |
| 3XL | 33 | 28 | 22 ¾ |
| LENGTH (cm) | WIDTH (cm) | SLEEVE LENGTH (cm) | |
| S | 71.1 | 45.7 | 39.7 |
| M | 73.7 | 50.8 | 43.2 |
| L | 76.2 | 55.9 | 47 |
| XL | 78.7 | 61 | 50.8 |
| 2XL | 81.3 | 66 | 54.6 |
| 3XL | 83.8 | 71.1 | 58 |
Every brilliant mug, tee, or coaster you order is made especially for you using print-on-demand. This custom process is personally overseen by our mascot, Sir Cucumber Dog, who ensures his cucumber monocle is positioned just right for the official 'Pug of Approval' stamp. Because we don't hold stock and craft everything bespoke, your order takes a little longer to arrive than rushed, mass-produced items. But this extra time guarantees a high-quality, perfectly rude, and funny product made just for you!
