Your Phone Isn't In Your Pocket T-Shirt | Mind Games Collection

Pat. Pat. Pat.

That's the sound of every person who reads your shirt immediately having a miniature heart attack.

This t-shirt is the latest and most brutal entry in our 'Mind Games' collection, designed to induce that split-second, ice-in-the-veins panic that you've lost the one thing you can't live without. Sir Cucumber Dog is here for it, his smug, cucumber-monocled face silently observing the chaos he's caused.

He's not just a drawing; he's the face of your victim's sudden, pocket-patting dread. That lime green text isn't a statement. It's a curse.

This tee is guaranteed to:

• Cause visible panic on a crowded train.

• Make your friends despise you (more than they already do).

• Give you the god-like power of making strangers frantically check their bags and pockets.

• Be the most evil piece of clothing you own.

Crafted from premium soft cotton (because pure, unadulterated evil should always feel comfortable), this shirt is the ultimate tool for anyone who just wants to watch the world burn. One pocket-pat at a time.

The Boring (But Important) Specs

Look, we know you're just here for the rude pug, but you're also buying a t-shirt. Even a petty prankster like Sir Cucumber Dog appreciates quality. We can't have you looking like a total slob while you're silently giggling at everyone.

So, here's the tea on what you're actually buying.

• The Guts: It’s a solid, 100% cotton tee. Soft, breathable, and perfect for looking composed while you create chaos.

• The Fancy Blends: If you're picking a "special" colour, the materials change. Don't act surprised.

  • Sport Grey: 90% cotton, 10% polyester (for that athletic "I'm about to run away after this prank" look).

  • Ash Grey: 99% cotton, 1% polyester (barely different, but sounds fancier).

  • Heather Colours: A 50/50 split of cotton and polyester (because you're complicated).

• The He-Man Build: This isn't some flimsy rag. It’s a respectable 5.0–5.3 oz/yd² (170-180 g/m²) fabric. It’s built with open-end yarn and tubular fabric, which means it's a classic tee with no annoying side seams to distract you from your mischief.

• The Stuff That Stops It From Falling Apart: We taped the neck and shoulders and put double seams on the sleeves and bottom hem. This shirt will likely outlast the patience of everyone you prank.

• Sourcing: The blank shirt is sourced from places like Honduras, Nicaragua, Haiti, the Dominican Republic, Bangladesh, or Mexico. Now you know.

A Few Annoying Disclaimers

(Read this before you complain to us.)

• On the Colour "White": Our "White" shirt is more of an "off-white." It's not the blinding, angelic white of a new appliance. Think... the colour of a slightly disappointed cloud.

• On the Colour "Natural": This colour has little dark speckles in it. That is intentional. It's part of the rustic charm. Don't email us about "specks." We will judge you.

Now, For the "Good Person" Part

We don't just have a giant, dusty warehouse full of these things like some soulless corporation. When you place an order, we make this product especially for you.

Yes, this means it takes a bit longer to get to your doorstep. Have patience. Your new uniform for causing minor chaos can wait a few extra days.

Why do we do this? It's called "on-demand," and it means we don't make massive piles of crap that end up in a landfill. It cuts down on overproduction.

So, while you may be a public nuisance on the inside, thank you for accidentally making a thoughtful purchasing decision and doing a good thing for the planet. Go you.

Size guide