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Butt Plug Coaster
£10.99
Sale price
£10.99
Regular price
🚚 Estimated delivery:
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.
A Message from the Chairman: On the Subject of Plugging Gaps
Sir Cucumber Dog has observed, with considerable dismay, that your coffee table is suffering. Not from a lack of character — clearly it has that in abundance — but from the relentless assault of hot mugs, sweating glasses, and the general chaos of your beverage habits.
This coaster exists to plug that gap. Quite literally.
Featuring a design so audaciously named that it will cause your mother-in-law to choke on her Earl Grey, the Butt Plug Coaster is the rude novelty gift that keeps on giving — mostly giving people something to stare at in horrified silence.
Why You Absolutely Require This
- Conversation Starter (or Ender): Place it on the coffee table before guests arrive. Watch the room divide between those who laugh and those who leave. Either outcome is acceptable.
- Functional Filth: It's not just rude — it's useful. Heat-resistant, water-repellent, and non-slip, because even the most offensive coaster should do its job properly.
- The Gift That Requires No Explanation: Except it absolutely does, and that's the point. Perfect for Secret Santa, birthdays, or anyone who needs reminding that life shouldn't be taken so seriously.
🔩 Technical Specifications for the Meticulous
- Material: Hardboard MDF 3mm with cork backing 1mm
- Finish: High-gloss coating — wipeable, vibrant, and unapologetically shiny
- Dimensions: 95 × 95 × 4mm (3.74″ × 3.74″ × 0.16″) with rounded corners
- Performance: Water-repellent, heat-resistant, and non-slip
- Maintenance: Wipe clean. Do not submerge. Do not explain to your nan.
- Sold as: Single coaster
Who Is This For? (The Victims)
- The Chronically Unbothered: For the person who genuinely doesn't care what anyone thinks and has the home decor to prove it.
- The Gifter of Chaos: If your go-to gift strategy is "something that will cause a scene," congratulations — you've found it.
- The Office Disruptor: For the colleague who has already pushed HR to their absolute limit and sees no reason to stop now.
- Fans of Rude Novelty Gifts: For anyone who believes a funny coaster is a perfectly legitimate form of self-expression.
Shipping & Returns
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.
- Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
- Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3-5 business days for production before it departs our green-lit HQ.
- Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we’ll sort it. No stress, no fuss.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
How long does delivery take?
We are unable to accept returns on certain items. These will be carefully marked before purchase.
When will I get my order?
Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do I wash and care for this item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.