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Cupid Stunt Coaster
£12.00
Sale price
£12.00
Regular price
🚚 Estimated delivery:
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.
A Message from the Chairman: On the Mythology of Romance
Sir Cucumber Dog has reviewed the legend of Cupid — a small, winged child who flies around shooting people with arrows and is somehow considered responsible for love — and found the entire concept deeply suspicious.
The Cupid Stunt Coaster is his considered response.
It is a coaster that acknowledges the chaos of romance with the linguistic dexterity it deserves. Read it quickly. Read it slowly. Read it aloud in polite company and watch the room recalibrate.
Why You Absolutely Require This
- A Masterclass in Wordplay: The name is, technically, two perfectly innocent words. What happens when you say them quickly is entirely the English language's fault.
- The Anti-Valentine's Gift: For the person who finds the entire concept of February 14th deeply exhausting and would prefer something honest.
- Plausible Deniability, Maximum Impact: Leave it on the coffee table. Wait. Say nothing.
🔩 Technical Specifications for the Meticulous
- Material: Hardboard MDF 3mm with cork backing 1mm
- Finish: High-gloss coating — wipeable and defiantly cheerful
- Dimensions: 95 × 95 × 4mm (3.74″ × 3.74″ × 0.16″) with rounded corners
- Performance: Water-repellent, heat-resistant, and non-slip
- Maintenance: Wipe clean. Unlike the reputation of anyone who reads it aloud.
- Sold as: Single coaster
Who Is This For? (The Victims)
- The Wordplay Enthusiast: For the person who appreciates a joke that requires a second read and then a sharp intake of breath.
- The Anti-Romantic: For anyone who has decided that love is fine but a good pun is better.
- The Hen Do Staple: An essential addition to any celebration that aims to be both tasteful and absolutely not.
- Fans of Rude Novelty Gifts: For anyone who believes their coaster collection has been far too innocent for far too long.
Shipping & Returns
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.
- Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
- Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3-5 business days for production before it departs our green-lit HQ.
- Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we’ll sort it. No stress, no fuss.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
How long does delivery take?
We are unable to accept returns on certain items. These will be carefully marked before purchase.
When will I get my order?
Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do I wash and care for this item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.