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DIPSHIT'S CHOPPING BOARD - The Ultimate Rude Kitchen Gift
£23.00
Sale price
£23.00
Regular price
🚚 Estimated delivery:
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.
Know someone who is a total disaster in the kitchen? Or perhaps you just want to claim your own space with a bit of self-deprecating dark humour? Our "DIPSHIT'S CHOPPING BOARD" is here to make a statement that is as sharp as your knives.
This rude glass chopping board features a sleek black background with bold, circus-style white outlined text for the main event, and "CHOPPING BOARD" written in our iconic lime green font. It’s the perfect blend of sarcastic style and practical kitchenware.
Product Features (For the Professional Dipshit):
Hilarious Design: Featuring the unapologetic slogan "DIPSHIT'S CHOPPING BOARD" in a striking black, white, and lime green colourway.
Hygienic & Hardwearing: Crafted from high-quality textured glass, making it stain-resistant, odour-resistant, and incredibly easy to clean.
Perfect Size: A generous 39 x 29 cm surface—ideal for dicing onions while crying about your life choices.
Stay Grounded: Comes with non-slip rubber feet to prevent the board from sliding away while you're busy being a kitchen menace.
The Perfect Rude Gift: An excellent funny housewarming gift, secret santa present, or a "just because" gift for your favourite dipshit.
Shipping & Returns
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.
- Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
- Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3-5 business days for production before it departs our green-lit HQ.
- Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we’ll sort it. No stress, no fuss.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
How long does delivery take?
We are unable to accept returns on certain items. These will be carefully marked before purchase.
When will I get my order?
Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do I wash and care for this item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.