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Fresh Kicks Only Sneakerhead Door Mat | Sir Cucumber Dog
£28.99
Sale price
£28.99
Regular price
Sir Cucumber Dog's Offensiveness Rating
"I find the concept of outdoor shoes on an indoor carpet to be a crime against woven textiles. This mat is a magnificent deterrent for those who lack basic home etiquette. It is highly effective camouflage for those of us who simply wish to keep our living spaces entirely free of other people's filth. Tell them to take off their shoes or simply go home."
- CJO (Chief Judgement Officer)
🚚 Estimated delivery:
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for shipping. UK & US delivery is on us! Each order is fulfilled in the country of order.
The Chairman has observed the absolute filth the general public attempts to drag into pristine domestic environments. It is entirely unacceptable. Lay down the law before anyone even steps inside.
The Fresh Kicks Only sneakerhead door mat makes one thing abundantly clear: only highly respectable footwear is welcome beyond this point. Designed specifically for sneaker enthusiasts, collectors, and anyone who takes their trainers far too seriously, this hyper beast room accessory delivers a bold message with clean, modern style.
The Architecture of Strict Boundaries
Featuring a sharp, graphic design inspired by shipping labels, complete with a bar code and shoe outline, this mat states the house rules plainly: "FRESH KICKS ONLY IN THIS HOUSE."
There will be no awkward conversations. There will be no muddy surprises ruining your floors. There will just be strict, unyielding boundaries.
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Built for Sneakerheads: A must have street wear decor piece for trainer collectors who understand that not all shoes deserve indoor access.
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Bold and Modern Design: A minimalist, graphic layout inspired by modern shipping labels and hyper beast aesthetics.
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Sends the Message Instantly: Unwanted guests and careless visitors know the rules before they even bother to knock.
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The Perfect Gift Idea: An ideal shoe collector gift for birthdays, housewarmings, or anyone finally moving into their strict boundary era.
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Durable and Practical: Constructed with a non slip rubber base to keep it firmly in place where it belongs.
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Bespoke Production: Proudly printed to order, ensuring your mat arrives freshly made and completely free from vulgar warehouse dust.
Where It Belongs
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Hallways
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Entryways
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Sneaker rooms
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Home offices with actual standards
Please note: Indoor use only. This mat prefers clean floors and highly respectful company.
Technical Specifications
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Overall Size: 60 x 40 cm
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Printable Area: 57 x 37 cm
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Base: Non slip rubber
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Use: Strictly indoor only
This is not just a doormat. It is a legally binding policy statement. If someone does not respect the mat, they do not respect the house. And if they do not respect the house, they can admire your trainers from the outside.
Shipping & Returns
Sir Cucumber Dog pays for delivery.
- Cost: £0.00. Every order ships FREE within the UK & USA.
- Timing: Your item is crafted specifically for you. Please allow 3-5 business days for production before it departs our green-lit HQ.
- Returns: If it arrives damaged or the pug messed up the print, we’ll sort it. No stress, no fuss.
Frequently asked questions
How do I choose the correct size?
Do not guess your size. Our funny slogan t-shirts and premium apparel use standard UK unisex sizing. Please consult the dedicated size guide located on this specific product page before adding the item to your basket. Taking a moment to measure a shirt you already own is the best way to ensure a proper fit and avoid looking like a burst sausage.
How long does delivery take?
We are unable to accept returns on certain items. These will be carefully marked before purchase.
When will I get my order?
Your new apparel or rude accessory is printed specifically for you. This sustainable print on demand process means production takes roughly 2 to 5 business days. Once your item is freshly printed, we will dispatch your order and provide a tracking link. Standard shipping within the UK and the US is completely free.
What is your return policy?
As every single item is a bespoke masterpiece printed to order, we do not accept returns or exchanges for a sudden change of heart or incorrect sizing. However, if your item arrives misprinted, faulty, or damaged by the courier, please contact our support team immediately with a clear photograph so we can resolve the issue.
How do I wash and care for this item?
Treat your new goods with the respect they deserve. Wash our organic cotton t-shirts inside out on a cool wash (30 degrees Celsius) and allow them to air dry to maintain their shape. Standard ceramic mugs are entirely dishwasher safe, but our heat colour changing mugs are delicate divas that must be washed by hand.
Who is Sir Cucumber Dog?
A gentleman does not typically reveal his secrets, but for you, I will make an exception. I am Sir Cucumber Dog: a plush pug of unparalleled sophistication, permanently squeezed into a bespoke green cucumber print suit. The cucumber monocle is purely for judging your life choices, and the yellow bow tie is because I am not a savage.
As the Chairman of this establishment, I oversee a curated collection of rude and funny designs across mugs, tees, and coasters, all presented in our signature Cucumber green and Cucumber cream. I am the physical embodiment of a lifestyle that prioritises sharp tailoring, strong gin, and an overwhelming disdain for the general public.